


Save me

by karamel_dreams



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Im all for karamel endgame, Mon-El and Imra are married, Panic Attacks, but they're not in love, kind of a slow burn I guess, season 3 canon divergence, this ended up being a s3 rewrite...fuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-02-10 18:19:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 55,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12917553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karamel_dreams/pseuds/karamel_dreams
Summary: After the hero saves the world who will be there to save the hero?





	1. Chapter 1

 

Mon-El stood at the balcony and gazed at the darkened sky. He had so many things on his mind that the noises of the city did not even break through his daze, and when he shivered it was not from the cold breeze that engulfed his thinly-clothed figure. It was hours after the sun had faded out of sight and hours before it was scheduled to reappear again. Yet he stayed there, a lone soul awake among the sleeping population, trying to find answers to questions he hadn't quite formed.

If he listened carefully he could hear Imra's patterned breathing and the familiar sound of her heartbeat but it all faded away when he located _her_. Amongst the chaos that was the living world, even at this late hour, _she_  stood out, unbothered and so very loud, he could hear _her_  the clearest. The soft hum that she did when she changed sides or the rhythmic thud of her heart that always beat a little too irregularly when she lost herself in a restless slumber. He could hear her troubled mumbling and the sharp intakes of air, all effects of whatever nasty dream her brain had created while unconscious. He could almost see the crinkle between her eyes becoming more prominent, the furrow of her brows becoming deeper, the purse of her lips becoming bolder, and he knew that under normal circumstances he would have never left her delve so far into her nightmare. He would have gently shaken her awake and taken her into his embrace until the soft sobs evened out and she fell back asleep. Because Kara was the type of person who didn't like talking about whatever invaded her dreams and interrupted her rest and Mon-El _ached_ to be there for her, to soothe her in a way he knew would bring her comfort.

All those years that he spent away from her, in a world she didn't exist anymore, he never managed to let her go. Even though he knew it was not likely that he would ever see her again, even though she had come and gone by the time he landed on that futuristic version of the Earth. All that agony and nostalgia and hopelessness did not succeed in tearing the memory of her apart and now that he had somehow found his way back to her he didn't know what to do. Mon-El wanted so much to just reach out to her, to touch her and have her and love her as if nothing had changed and nothing had happened but he knew he couldn't. And so did Kara.

The truth was that he had seen the pain clouding her eyes when he had told her Imra was his wife. He had noticed the look of utter loss as the words had dawned on her. Heartbreak had been written all over her beautiful features and although it pained him to watch he couldn't change the truth, no matter how he resented it and the fact itself.

There was a need burning fiercely inside of him that urged him to follow Kara's every step. A desperation so overwhelming to keep her in his line of vision at all times. It was like he was flooded by dread and fear combined in such a way it left him breathless. He was afraid that if he lost Kara for a mere moment she would disappear again and he couldn't even fathom the thought, it caused cold sweat to stick to his skin like the taste of her lips used to at the tip of his tongue. Back when he didn't know what losing her felt like, back when loving her was his anchor to life itself.

Mon-El gripped the railing hard, not caring if it'd bend or break in halves. He leaned over and tried to catch his breath, even though he wasn't breathless, he was only feeling like it. The moon shone, in the same way it had been for the past seven years, the same moon that had witnessed Kara's arrival to this planet and her end. He didn't want to think about it, that he knew when her last day would be, her last moment alive. He didn't want to think about the possibility of failure shadowing his responsibility to save her. But he had to and it only made him feel more hopeless, more helpless, more afraid, more desperate.

He clenched his eyes shut and grasped at his necklace, _her_ necklace. He hated that thing, for it reminded him of everything he had lost and everything he had to fight to get back. Although he didn't know how. He couldn't just save Kara, change the future and get back to his wife. Nor could he abandon the woman and everyone else who had stood by him for years while he mourned the loss of another world.

He was tired. So much so that he could feel the exhaustion sipping through his very bones. But he couldn't sleep, not when he knew that Kara didn't because of him, not when he could hear her mumbling his name but couldn't go to her. He loved Imra, he had for years, and he had thought that he had left Kara in the past, all he needed was some sort of closure and then he would be able to move forward. But he should have known better, he should have known more. For he was aware of how much he had been clinging to her in the form of the necklace around his neck every day since he had found himself in another world, a world without _her._ He should have been stronger, after all he had already lived without Kara for seven whole years, but she'd always been his kryptonite, always able to render him weak with just one look. And now she was real, she was there, out of reach but still close enough to touch, and did Mon-El want to erase the distance between them, did he want to just kiss her one more time, consequences be damned.

He could still feel her lips on his forehead, the soft caress of her thumb across his cheek. He craved to feel that gentleness again, that desperation to have him close that mirrored his own to have _her_  close. Not that Imra wasn't enough, not that their relationship wasn't fulfilling to him, but he had started to come to terms with the fact that there was something about Kara that nobody else would ever be able to offer him. He had started to realize that she was that piece of the puzzle that would always be missing. No matter how perfect a world he had lived in, how perfect a love he had found for himself, Kara would never be the second choice for him. Actually she never even was a choice. Because she was _it_ for him, no choice to be made.

And despite all that he still didn't know what to do, still couldn't decide which course of action he should take. For he only had a few more days, or so he thought and hoped, before Reign awoke and the rest of his team awoke with her. And he knew they wouldn't let him try to save Kara if that meant getting himself killed in hopes of preventing her death. They'd talked about it, they had argued about it, but they hadn't convinced him and he hadn't convinced them. Because they couldn't understand one simple fact; he couldn't lose Kara a second time, he wouldn't.

And it wasn't even the second time really, it felt like he had lost her too many times already and it weighed heavily on his chest. It pressed down on his ribcage as the pain reached for his heart, to crash it again and again, as if he wasn't hurting enough as it was. The images passed through his mind repeatedly, Kara's bloody figure, her slumped posture, her beaten up appearance. That was all he could see when he thought of her nowadays. It was exactly what he couldn't bear seeing yet the sight haunted him like a ghost.

His breath started coming out in short pants and he felt the panic rise within him. How many times was he destined to lose the woman he loved with all of his being? How many times would he have to watch her fade away before he crumbled under the weight of his own broken heart? How much time could he carry on like that for? Because he felt like dying most of the time, and if he was being completely honest, he'd trade his own life for Kara's any day, without a second thought, without even as much as a blink.

Mon-El stumbled backwards until his back hit a wall and then he let his knees buckle underneath him. There were tears imprisoned behind his eyelids but he wouldn't let them fall and his heart raced as he stabled his troubled breathing. Suddenly, he felt a wave of calmness flood him. It soothed the overwhelming desperation that had overtaken his senses but only for a moment. When he realized what was happening he started fighting back and it didn't take long before he heard Imra's defeated sigh.

"Let me help you," she pleaded as she took a seat beside him. She ignored the coldness of the concrete floor and focused her eyes on him. Mon-El didn't look at her, too lost in his own inner battle, but she hadn't expected him to anyway. She knew him too well.

"Go away," Mon-El demanded in a weak tone. Imra just shook her head and shuffled closer to him until their sides came in contact. She wrapped an arm around his upper half and prompted him to lean on her. She knew that he wanted to hide from the world and that he'd rather be alone but she couldn't leave him alone. She could still remember that one time she did and almost lost him, she couldn't risk it.

"I can't do this, I can't, I can't," Mon-El said, his voice not quite a cry but still broken as one.

Imra shushed him and held on tighter, trying to shield him from something they both knew wouldn't go away that easily. It wasn't the first time she had found him on the floor struggling to fill his lungs with air and something told her it was not the last one either. She shivered from the freezing air and clenched her fists behind her partner's back as he tried to disappear. She hated how the pain seemed to chase after him, how heartbreak and loss had been painted over his gray eyes permanently, creating a storm that had been raging ever since she had met him.

"It'll be okay this time, I promise," she said, not sure if Mon-El could hear her. Honestly she didn't know if she even wanted him to, considering that was a promise that would most likely get broken. She'd promised him the same thing countless times and every time she had to stand there and watch as her promise became nothing but fleeting words with no meaning, no truth, no hope altogether.

She loved him so much that his pain became her pain. She might not have fallen in love with him but Mon-El had been her best friend for the better part of the past seven years. She didn't like the fact that he was in such a dire situation. She'd rather lose him a thousand times over, take the pain and make it her own, than watch him crumble time after time under the weight of the loss of his life's biggest love.

Imra knew how immensely it hurt, how it broke you apart, to watch the love of your life be taken away from you, vanish from existence itself. She had lived through it and honestly, if it wasn't for Mon-El, she didn't think she would have survived it.

So she sat there with him and tried to offer some sort of relief, although she knew it was not possible. She sat there and filled his head with a sea of words in a feeble attempt to distract him, despite having promised him she wouldn't get inside his head again. She sat there and just wished to whatever deity was out there that this time it'd be different, this time they would succeed in their mission and everything would be over soon.

* * *

 

The next morning came late and accompanied by dark clouds. Kara got out of her bed still tired and groggy as if the previous night's sleep hadn't affected her at all. Or maybe it had but not in the desirable way. She had spent the night in a half-asleep half-awake state, occasionally tossing and turning in bed as her mind refused to be put to rest and pestered her with horrific scenarios that could only be referred to as nightmares. She had a bad feeling about the new day, a lump stuck in her throat, but that didn't deter her in the slightest. It only caused a feeling of uneasiness to settle on her chest and she had to carry it around from the moment her feet touched the ground with the first rays of the still half-hidden sun.

She went about her normal morning routine and before she realized it she found herself flying straight through her own personal entrance at the DEO. As she touched the concrete her eyes scanned the room and accounted people. Alex wasn't there yet, which was odd since her sister always seemed to get to work earlier than almost everyone else. Forget the fact that Kara could actually fly, she still didn't beat Alex in the mornings.

The Kryptonian shook her head as the familiar uneasiness intensified for some reason. She didn't know what it was about that particular day that had her so on edge and she couldn't shake it. Nevertheless, no matter how pressing it felt, she opted to push it in the back of her head and focus on her work.

As she was heading for Alex's lab Kara opened herself up to every sound in the building. It was a habit of hers, every time she arrived at the DEO, to check up on everyone just to make sure everything was as it should be. She forgot about their guests though, if only for one crucial moment, and she couldn't stop herself before she overheard a whispered one-sided conversation between Mon-El and his wife.

"Are you alright?" Imra asked softly, so softly that her tone made Kara's skin crawl. She could recall every morning that she had gazed warmly at Mon-El's sleeping face and whispered a quiet greeting to cox him out of his slumber in the gentlest of ways. And she could picture his small smile as he turned to face her with his eyes still shut before he replied with a quiet greeting of his own.

That was exactly what she was expecting to hear coming out of Mon-El's mouth even though it was a different woman his smile would be directed to. She was bracing herself for the pang of pain, for another piece of her heart to shatter along with another reminder that she had lost him forever. So she listened carefully for the response but it never came. Instead all she heard was a deep sigh that she couldn't recognize which of the two it came from and then hurried footsteps heading closer.

Kara could tell it was Mon-El approaching, she hadn't yet forgotten the rhythm of his steps, and although she tried to come off as nonchalant her heart started racing even before he had entered her line of vision. When she finally saw him her face fell and her heart skipped a beat for a completely different reason. There was a shade of paleness painted over his skin that she hadn't seen since he had almost died from lead poisoning. His eyes were dull and had black circles under them and his hair was a mess but not because he had just woken up. It actually looked like he hadn't slept at all during the night and Kara had to restrain herself from running to him to ask him what was wrong. Worry settled on her shoulders and they slumped in a similar way as Mon-El's were. As if there was a weight on him that he struggled to lift and it was tiring him out. Kara was feeling it too at the moment.

"Hey," she said in a low tone once Mon-El got close enough. Her voice seemed to break him out of whatever trance he had gotten lost in and he averted his eyes to look at her. Kara held her breath when their gazes met and she searched in his the answers to the questions she couldn't ask.

"Kara." Mon-El acknowledged her with a small nod of his head. His voice was monotonous and flat but she could still discern the distress behind it. Things might have changed between them and Mon-El might have been claiming he was a different person than the one Kara had put inside that pod but Rao, could she still read him like one of her favorite books.

She was about to ask him whether something was bothering him when she heard Winn and J'onn call her name in synchronization. She sighed quietly and rushed their way, putting her own concern on hold for the moment, but not before she made a mental note to herself to revisit the topic later. She knew that Mon-El had told her he wasn't her problem anymore but for her those words hadn't changed a thing. She still loved him. Although she acknowledged the fact that he wasn't hers anymore, and he was carrying more secrets and baggage than she could possibly imagine, she didn't like the distance between them. More importantly she didn't like the nonexistent relationship between them. Because Mon-El had been so much more than her lover. He'd been her partner and her friend and the person she could trust with every part of herself. She didn't want to lose that support, that friendship, just because things happened and a romantic connection was currently out of the question.

"What's going on?" She asked, her eyes moving from her best friend to her boss to the screen they were both staring at. Numerous pictures from all over the city popped up and they were all depicting one thing; a symbol. But it wasn't just a symbol, it was something she could recognize as her mother tongue, yet she failed to decipher its meaning.

"What is this?" Kara spoke again, her arm moving wildly to gesture at the foreign symbol. Her eyes narrowed questioningly and then in frustration when she noticed Winn's perplexed expression.

"I don't know, I was hoping you could tell me. That thing looks like a Kryptonian symbol," Winn answered and Kara looked at it again, racking her brain for any kind of reminiscent that might resemble what she was seeing.

She tried and tried but nothing came up, she was clueless. "I can't read it," she said at last, tone defeated but otherwise emotionless.

With Alex on one side and Mon-El on the other she should have felt more confident. Or at least more secure. Instead Kara felt her uneasiness grow and fill her chest up to the brim until she had to make an extra effort to breathe. And she had to swallow hard for the lump in her throat to open her airway enough for the oxygen to pass through.

"I can," Imra spoke suddenly and dragged Kara out of her headspace. The brunette approached quickly and came to a stop by Mon-El's side. Normally Kara's stomach would twist unpleasantly at the sight but at the moment she had more important things to focus on—like what Imra had just said.

Everyone's eyes fell on her and Kara watched as Imra had a silent conversation with Mon-El through their gazes. After a second Mon-El nodded his head, like he was answering a question of Imra's that only he had been able to hear, and then the brunette spoke again. "It's the Worldkiller," she told them.

"The what?" Alex wondered out loud.

"The Worldkiller," Mon-El spoke this time. "In the future we came from this symbol is called the Worldkiller; the one who will bring about the end of times." He paused for a brief moment and turned his eyes to lock with Kara's as if he was speaking solely to her. "We don't know much about it except for the fact that it brought about all kinds of destruction before its defeat. The date is unknown so far into the future, any records regarding it have been lost or destroyed, and it certainly did not cause the end of the world, although from what we know whoever that is surely did try," Mon-El finished with a sigh.

"Whoever? So it's a person?" Kara pointed out. The information wasn't enough to figure out what kind of problem the superhero would soon be facing but she wasn't in the business of underestimating her enemies.

"Possibly," Imra answered this time. It was like she and Mon-El were exchanging bits and pieces of the information they were willing to share. Kara could understand they had to be careful of what and how much about their time they shared or they would risk altering the future but she still looked at them both with raised eyebrows. She had noticed that as more was revealed Mon-El's expression turned blanker and Imra's more concerned. She could tell there was something the couple wanted to keep a secret and at the same time it caused different reactions out of the two.

"Looks like we've got a fight on our hands," J'onn voiced everyone's thought and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

A second later, when a bang was heard, loud as a bomb, and echoed all throughout the city, Kara didn't hesitate at the face of danger. She took off her glasses, ripped open her shirt to reveal the suit underneath, and without waiting another moment she flew out of the DEO and towards the source of that noise. In her rush to leave she didn't hear Alex and J'onn yell out commands and gathering up different teams to accompany her if need be. She also didn't see Mon-El and Imra rushing behind her, each with superhuman speed, as if they'd been waiting for that exact moment all along and they had been ready for a fight at a moment's notice.

* * *

 

The clock ticked and the time passed and the sun moved closer and closer towards its setting point. Nothing stopped and nothing paused as Supergirl recieved hit after hit and landed punch after punch, player in a game she didn't know the rules of. The opponent was much stronger than she had anticipated and it was proved when Kara could taste her own blood after a particularly hard punch caused her bottom lip to split open. She knew it was the Worldkiller, she could clearly see the strange symbol plastered across the enemy's chest. The woman's suit was fashioned in a similar way Krypton's armor had been and that left Kara with a whole lot of more questions. She hadn't had the time to entertain each one before she found herself knocked straight through a wall however.

"You think you're some kind of hero?" The woman mocked Kara as the two were making circles around each other, both in the air and on the ground.

"Who are you?" Kara asked in the form of an answer, her Supergirl persona on full show now. She dodged a kick and managed to land one of her own. However, hard as she tried, her hits didn't seem to break her opponent. They only slowed the woman down, opposed to her who was sporting more than a couple of bruises and cuts already.

"I am Reign." Kara barely heard before she received a hit on her stomach and was shot to the ground. "I have awoken," Reign said in fluent Kryptonian and that was when Kara lost it. She stumbled at the sound and during that short half of a second that she froze Reign found an opening and attacked her with everything she had. Kara didn't even know which way to aim for or which part of her to try to shield, the sounds of her head banging against the hard ground and her bones breaking were all she could hear, and pain —hot, white, agonizing pain— was all she could feel. She didn't know if her brain was working in coordination with her body and her attempts at fighting back were actually completed and not just thought out. Everything was sharp and loud and overwhelming until it wasn't. Then it was fuzzy and blurry and silent. Silent and calm. And then it turned black and that was somewhere around the time she just stopped thinking altogether and let herself lose contact with reality. Her consciousness had been hanging from a really thin thread that was about to snap any second. So when she heard a soft voice telling her it was okay to let go she listened. She didn't know why but she obeyed and allowed the blankness to spread. In the end only one thing stood out, beyond the pain and the fear and the certainty that that was what death felt like. It was one desperate mix of two voices; Alex yelling her name like the sound alone would bring her back and Mon-El shouting a continuous disbelieving _no_ as if that was the only thing his mouth was capable of forming. And then it ended. Just like that.


	2. Chapter 2

The story was the same and the scene hadn't changed in the slightest. Kara was wheeled into the med bay and Alex hovered over her with a stethoscope pressed against her heart, to catch that faint beating before it faded completely. Mon-El rushed into the room with worry written all over his face and he watched as Kara crashed and came back to life. It was déjà vu, nothing new that he hadn't already seen the first time he had traveled back to the past to save Kara. Still he stood there frozen, counting the bruises on the unconscious figure like he once had the freckles scattered all over her smooth skin. And he didn't need a stethoscope or a beeping monitor to listen to the erratic heartbeat, he didn't need a screen showcasing various numbers to know Kara's lungs weren't sucking in air at the moment. He could hear it all from where he stood at the door, he was so tuned on her that nothing and nobody else existed except for Kara. _His_ Kara.

He heard Imra speak to him but he didn't actually register the words. Cold dread washed over him, it poured on him like an autumn sudden shower. Mon-El felt like the target of an ongoing catastrophe, an earthquake was raging within him and he started to shake, to tremble, as if he was the one who had been beaten to unconsciousness and not Kara.

He hated seeing her like that, so vulnerable and broken and fragile, like she was made of glass and would break with the lightest touch. And he hated knowing there was nothing he could do to help her, not then, not ever.

As needles pierced Kara's skin and wires intertwined with tubes that connected with screens and bags, as one machine pushed the air in and out of her lungs and another counted the beats of her heart, Mon-El watched with unblinking eyes. The gray turned black with fear and concern and his mind stopped functioning past the point of everything that was Kara. It might sound dramatic, a hyperbolic description of the chaos that was his feelings, but God, did Mon-El feel completely torn at the moment. Because losing Kara was and always would be his greatest weakness. She had always been the one that could bring him to his knees. And he had accepted his fate, he had accepted the destruction that she could be when it came to him, but that was not how her life was supposed to act out. She was supposed to be the one who saved the world, not the one who needed saving by the world.

"Mon-El, come on, you don't have to watch this," Imra said as she wrapped an arm around his waist to urge him to follow her out of the room. Despite her efforts his feet stayed rooted in place, his eyes didn't move, his face didn't transform into something else. All he could think about was how that was the beginning of the end.

"Kara," he called out quietly, voice raspy and too low, as if he didn't have the energy that was required to actually be heard.

"Come on buddy, we gotta let them work on her," Winn spoke from his side and he was the only one Mon-El truly heard. Because Imra didn't know, she couldn't understand how it hurt, but Winn did. They both loved Kara, so Winn knew.

A whole team had gathered around Kara's bed and was working frantically and for a moment Mon-El thought they could understand too. Because they were moving with such speed, such determination to save Kara, just like he would have if he had the knowledge to help her. And amidst the storm, the yelling and the panic and the desperation, right there on the center stood Alex. With furrowed brows and a  perfect composure she barked out orders that he knew had kept Kara alive countless times. Because he recognized that even if he failed, even _when_ he failed, Alex never would. When he couldn't be the savior Kara needed there was always Alex, and Alex was better than him, more capable than him. Alex was Kara's hero not Mon-El, so with that in mind, plus a nod from Alex herself, Mon-El broke out of his trance and followed the others out of the room. Granted he hesitated but he did it, because in the end Imra was right, he didn't need to watch another time, he had already seen it all before.

"Mon-El..." Imra started when they were a safe distance away from Kara.

"Don't," he warned his wife with an unwavering voice. He stood with his back pressed against the wall in J'onn's office, right by the door in case he needed to rush out. J'onn tried to disguise his fear but his feet wouldn't stop moving as he paced the room, his nerves were on edge and it showed in the way his muscles tensed up. And Winn was sort of paralyzed, as far as Mon-El could tell. Because he wasn't moving and he wasn't speaking and he wasn't doing anything at all. He had just slumped down on a chair and was staring at his hands. Mon-El wanted to comfort him, to offer some sort of support to the man he still considered a friend, but he was in no state to do so.

"I should've known," he said. In the back of his head there was a warning voice which was telling him that was a conversation he shouldn't be starting in front of Winn and J'onn, yet in his current state Mon-El couldn't find it in himself to care. The guilt was bubbling up in his throat demanding to be voiced, demanding he take the blame. He didn't want to act self-centered and make it all about himself but he couldn't help but feel like a damn failure. He felt useless and guilty while the woman he loved the most was fighting for her life. He knew he should have done more, he should have been more.

"Mon-El..." Imra started again and approached him but he cut her off once more. He shook his head and when she tried to reach out to him he flinched away. He couldn't accept the comforting gesture, he didn't deserve it.

"I'm _so_ stupid," Mon-El emphasized. He hung his head low and covered his face with both of his hands. "For a second, just _one second,_ I actually believed I could save her." The confession made his chest feel like it was being ripped open after he realized he had failed Kara one more time. "Who am I kidding?" A humorless laugh accompanied the words and he shook his head as he held Imra's gaze with teary eyes, which despite everything refused to cry.

During that moment they were alone, just the two of them, and he was that version of his self that had first landed in the 31st century. The one that'd been so caught up in what he'd had just lost that he couldn't see anything past it.

"I've never been enough for her," he finished and Imra glanced at him with a broken look of her own. She took his hands in hers and eased his clenched fists.

"She's still alive," she reminded him.

"No, no," Mon-El said with disbelief. "She's gonna die again." His voice cracked and he grabbed his head with his hands again. He tugged at his hair like a maniac, and maybe he was, because the thought of Kara dying was driving him insane. He just couldn't lose her, he couldn't bear it.

That seemed to be the moment Winn awoke from his own trance. "What do you mean she's gonna die _again_ _?_ " He asked standing from his chair with spasmodic movements and a piercing gaze. It was like all of his softness and optimism had been drained, leaving him bare, with only a hopeless countenance twisting his features into a harsh mask.

"Winn," Mon-El uttered the name but he had nothing more to add. He moved his head in a negative manner and his shoulders slumped.

"What else are you hiding?" Winn accused. He waited a second but when he got no response his face hardened even more. "You and your damn secrets!" He spat out. The anger was leaking from his very pores, barely containable, like a glass overflowing with water. He needed someone to aim his anger at, someone to blame for what was happening to his best friend, so he could mask his own inability to help Kara. And Mon-El took it all. The harsh tone, the angry look, the blame...everything. Because in some way it felt like Winn was voicing Mon-El's own thoughts.

J'onn chose that moment to make himself truly present, to show his superiority, and he stood in front of Winn, completely blocking Mon-El from the other's view. "What happened to Kara is not Mon-El's fault," the Martian spoke loud and steady, leaving no room for arguments. "And it's not your fault either," he continued, this time with more emphasis, seeing right past Winn's temper and detecting the actual problem with ease. "I think we all need to take a moment," he finished and placed both his hands on either of Winn's shoulders. He squeezed lightly and then he proceeded to claim his own corner of the wall to press his back against.

Silence fell upon them, tension hung heavy in the air, and the room felt overcrowded despite the fact that there were only four people residing in it. The next couple of minutes passed like that and nobody dared to utter a single word in case it caused a havoc. Three people were fighting inner battles and the fourth one stood there, observing it all, not knowing what to do or how she could help. Fortunately, only a second later, Alex showed up at the door. She didn't speak, didn't announce her arrival, yet her presence stood out and was met with expecting eyes, each pair holding a different yet similar storm inside.

Mon-El turned to face her completely, though the image had stained his mind long before the action happened. From past experience he knew that was the moment his world would fall apart, it was the second before reality hit him with the truth that Kara was gone.

Alex's expression held so many things that Mon-El couldn't decipher. So he stared at her. He stared and he didn't blink, didn't breathe, hoping that the moment would drag out longer, that the reality where Kara was still alive would last more. The redhead woman looked so tired, so old beyond her years, as if the past hour had drained the life out of her. And her eyes were dull but they weren't void, they weren't empty like Mon-El remembered them being. Everything else was the same; the sweat making Alex's skin glisten under the yellowish light, the blood that stained her cloths but didn't belong to her, the heaviness of her gaze as she looked at them all one after the other. Nothing had changed. Yet her eyes still held some life, some hope. The sight left Mon-El breathless for a different reason altogether. Like someone had punched that same life and hope into him and he didn't know what to do with them or himself. Because they weren't supposed to be there, they shouldn't be there, not when Kara was no longer breathing.

And then one thing occurred to him, something he had let slip past his focus the last few minutes. There was a heartbeat still echoing in his ears, it hadn't stopped.

"She's still alive," Alex said at last. With one single breath, one simple phrase, all her exhaustion faded behind a relieved smile. "She's still alive," she repeated and grabbed onto Winn as soon as he stumbled into her arms. She and J'onn shared a shadow of a smile and held each other's gaze for one second too long.

And Mon-El, well, he just stood there frozen, barely staying upright as his knees shook and threatened to give out under his weight.

And then it came, the sound that overshadowed it all and set the time right. The time that had come and gone and belonged to a past he was currently reliving.

Kara flat-lined.

* * *

 

She knew she was dreaming. She knew because she was seeing a different setting than the one she remembered from before she had closed her eyes. The sun was shining upon Kara's face and she basked in it, a soft smile stretching across her mouth. She wanted to laugh—at herself, at reality, at life itself. But not because of something funny, it was an ironic giggle tingling her lips. She sat on the roof of her family's home in Midvale, breathing in the smell of the ocean, and wondered how many times she had cheated death already and if that was the end of her.

Kara wasn't sure whether she wanted it to be over or not. On one hand it would be so easy to give into the notion of resignation, to try to find peace and reunite with everyone that she had lost. But on the other hand there were so many things that kept her going, so many people she wanted to hold on for. Especially Alex. Kara knew her sister wouldn't be able to move forward now that she didn't even have Maggie by her side. And the truth was that Kara didn't want to go anyplace Alex wouldn't be waiting for her at. It was a weird mindset that she found herself in, yet as she looked around she didn't see any sign of a decision having to be made.

Naturally Kara didn't know where she was. Was it a deferent reality, was it someplace stuck between life and death, was it a part of her own head that had held her captive as soon as she had slipped into unconsciousness? Her questions were many but the answers nowhere to be found. She tried to open herself up to every sensation that she was currently feeling but the attempt only fueled her confusion further. Because she could hear her own voice inside of her head and she could control her every thought yet when she moved she felt a detachment. Sure she could move and jump and fly and whatever else she was able to do under normal circumstances, and her mind was the coordinator of each motion she tested out, but she didn't actually feel anything. She inhaled the crisp air but she only had the memory of its smell. She wiggled her butt and grazed her palms against the roof tiles but she couldn't feel the actual scratch of the rough surface, she could only imagine it.

It was odd and felt as such yet she couldn't find it in herself to panic. It was like all the fear and anxiety had been unable to reach her from the second she had entered that new reality. Whether it was real or parallel or whatever else didn't matter, Kara felt a kind of security she had been missing for a long time.

With a swift maneuvering of her silhouette the Kryptonian fell to the ground, landing perfectly on her feet without any trouble at all. The air was warm against her skin and the grass felt soft to her bare toes. The sensation brought her back to her childhood years, her first on Earth, when she would wake up at the crack of dawn and sneak outside, bare feet and fluffy pajamas and all, to catch the first rays of the sun and let them engulf her. Back then it would remind her of her mum's gentle hugs, when her absence was still a fresh wound, but now it only overwhelmed her with waves of homesickness and a piercing need to run. Whether she needed to run from it or just run away she didn't know however, she only knew that it was a stark contrast to when she used to seek it out.

Suddenly and without warning, the sky darkened and Kara found herself looking at a familiar masked figure. Reign.

"Where am I?" She asked and stepped closer to the enemy. She couldn't actually feel it but the memory of the hits she had received from the strange woman was still fresh.

"Have I died? Did you kill me?" She spoke again and searched Reign's half-covered face for the answer that wouldn't come from the woman's lips. The silence was frustrating her but it didn't look like Reign was ignoring her, it seemed more like she didn't see Kara at all.

Just like during their battle Kara wasn't afraid and the knowledge graced her with a boost of confidence that she used as she sprang forward to attack. Then another weird thing happened, her arm passed right through Reign's form, as if it was fog, and the scenery changed. Now Kara was back in National City and everywhere she glanced at she saw the Worldkiller's symbol. It seemed like her absence had granted the villain with a free pass to take over the city and Reign had used the advantage to brand every building with her name.

For the first time Kara was washed over by something so strong and negative it almost socked her. Anger made her eyes turn cold and her face harden into a murderous look. She didn't have to check to know that her own symbol  atop Catco's building had been destroyed beyond recognizing. Still she pushed herself upwards and flew high enough until she saw it, right there, burning bright red like it was on her suit. The sight was unexpected but filled Kara with a sense of pride and hope that perhaps she hadn't been defeated after all, she just had to wake up and reclaim her world.

_Wake up._

_Wake up._

_Wake up._

She told herself again and again. She clenched her eyes shut and reopened them several times, hoping and praying that the act would trigger her brain enough to make her wake up by force. She wasn't successful however. Every time she blinked her lashes open she was still in the same place, in the same altered reality where she was stuck and didn't know how to get out.

 _WAKE_ _UP_ _!_

Kara screamed loud enough until her lungs protested and hurt. The air was knocked out of her and she was struggling to inhale it back in. She bent over and coughed, her chest was on fire and her eyes watered. She felt sick. She was suffocating. Her knees grew weak and gave out beneath her and soon she found herself lying on the hard concrete, unable to do anything but let the darkness spread and her head black out.

Now she felt it, it was _real_ _,_ she was dying and this time she was sure of it. The world shook and crashed around her, the sky broke apart and gravity couldn't pull her down anymore. Kara's body floated in the air like she was in space and there was no atmosphere to hold her. And amidst the chaos she felt herself swimming between two worlds. Her eyes opened, if only for a mere moment, and Kara was able to catch a brief glance of her sister. She heard voices and yells that belonged to different people and a constant, unstopping beeping that made her ears ring.

It all happened in a second that lasted too long and then it was over. For one last time Kara tried to tell herself to wake up but it was all in vain. She knew she was slipping away and she didn't even have the will to stop it. She didn't have the time to choose...it just happened.

* * *

 

One thing Mon-El had never thought he would be able to do was get inside Kara's mind. Nevertheless, as he sat on a chair right beside Kara's bed and held her limp hand in his own, he saw flashes and images with Kara's own eyes. Imra was standing only a foot away and had her eyes closed as she focused on connecting the two. Honestly it made him wonder how Imra could do it, how she could stand there and help him save the woman they both knew Mon-El would always love. Although if he really thought about it he could understand, because he would do it too. If there was a way to bring Imra's previous lover back and he could help he knew he would do it. No second thoughts or moments of hesitation. Imra was his friend first and foremost, and they might not have been in love with one another but he still loved her and he wanted her to be happy above all else.

So, anyway, back to the present, Mon-El tried to tune out the sound of the monitor Kara had been wired to. It was beating irregularly, stopping and starting back up again mimicking Kara's heart. It was like the blonde's vital organ couldn't decide what to do. And that was why he had started forming a different plan, one that he hadn't had the time to set in action the first time around. Because then Kara had died before they could even get her to the DEO but this time, like Imra and the rest of the Legions had promised him, it was different. This time Kara had held on long enough to open up a window for him to try to change what was about to happen. And he'd be damned if he didn't take advantage of the opportunity.

"She can't hear us," was the first thing Mon-El said while he tried to make sense of what he was seeing. He couldn't see Kara of course,  because it was like seeing through her eyes, but he could see bits and pieces of places and faces.

"Kara?" He called quietly after he leaned forward to bring his lips right next to the blonde's ear. Unfortunately there was no response, no sign of Kara being able to hear him. All he could see now were flashes of blue and red and gray.

Mon-El shook his head and sighed but he didn't give up. He could vaguely remember that time, when he was still in stasis, that Imra had connected him with Kara's mind as she was drowning in the sea. He could remember feeling the water flooding her lungs and shouting at her to wake up. So that was what he was trying to do again, to give her that little push she needed to rejoin the woken world.

The memory itself had given him another idea on how to help Kara but since it needed some preparation beforehand he decided to try to talk to her. He called her name one more time, this time a little louder, but again nothing changed. He couldn't get through to her like he had when she had almost drowned. Even in her weakened state Kara had a wall up that blocked him out, and it scared Mon-El, not the fact itself but the thought that maybe Kara was too far gone to be pulled back.

After another minute he finally gave in. He stood up, not letting go of Kara's hand, and looked Alex, J'onn and Winn straight in the eyes, one after the other. "We need to put her in stasis," he said then he locked gazes with Alex. He watched her contemplate their options and battle with herself for a few seconds and then she nodded, knowing it was either that or letting Kara succumb to her injuries that even her alien DNA couldn't heal fast enough.


	3. Chapter 3

It was early, another day had began, the third one without Kara, and the DEO was quiet. Alex had been noticeably missing for the past few days and half of the working staff was either too busy covering up for Supergirl's absence or dealing with Supergirl herself.

The big screens in the center of the main room were showcasing numerous destroyed buildings, all of which bore the same symbol, all of which had been marked by the same enemy. Mon-El stood and watched the images pop up with a twisted expression, one that carried anger so easily discernible nobody failed to notice it. He didn't care much about the destruction, about the ugliness of it, after all that's the National City Mon-El had known in the 31st century. Nevertheless, thinking about all those people that had lost their homes, the ones that were injured and wounded, physically or otherwise, made his blood boil. And to top it all off, seeing the one who had hurt Kara badly enough to send her into a coma, seeing that monster hurt more people and walking away, alive and well and barely affected at all, didn't sit well with him. In fact, it made him see red.

That was why he had put on his suit and flown out there,  why he had blown his cover and showed his face to the world. Another hero had arrived in the city and Mon-El had made it known. But he had been expecting for a fight, he had expected for the Worldkiller to face him. Instead she disappeared the moment he showed up. He couldn't figure out the reason but one side of him, the one that seeked revenge, screamed out to draw blood.

"You did good out there," Winn said, walking from behind him and halting just a foot away. Mon-El turned his head to look at him for a second, to acknowledge him, but his body remained at the same stance—facing elsewhere.

"You saved so many people," Winn continued, following Mon-El's eyes and looking at the screens as well. His fingers twitched inside his front pockets, betraying his uneasiness. His lips pursed for a second. "Kara's going to be so proud when she hears it." He finished.

" _If,_ " Mon-El accented, changing the meaning of the just spoken sentence to fit his own frail hope. He didn't stay another moment, to be corrected or offered extemporaneous assurances. Instead he opted to walk away, leaving the conversation half-finished -if not half-started- and headed for the gym.

The truth was Mon-El had so much anger boiling within him, so much untamed fury, and it was for the most part aimed at his own self. However, what overwhelmed him, what had him edging on a breakdown, was that he didn't know whether Kara would survive to see another day. And the guilt had made a nest in him, had settled on his shoulders like thick fog. It blinded him. Because he'd hurt Kara, intentionally and not, he had crashed back into her life only to take a hold of her heart, her hope, and twist until there were bloodspots on her shirt. And he couldn't get the image of her shining eyes out of his head. His comets had drowned in a pool he'd pushed them in.

Winn followed him into the training area and Mon-El didn't try to stop him. He didn't care enough to, he convinced himself. But although he didn't want to admit it, because he didn't think he deserved it, he needed Winn, he needed his friend. He told himself that it didn't matter if Winn was in the room but the truth was that Mon-El wanted him to be in the room. He seeked for a familiar figure, a comforting presence, one that had known him before. Before the departure and the loss and the baggage he began to carry like a knife hidden beneath his clothes—a knife that was there for protection but had a sharp tip that would dig into his skin with every move he made. Mon-El needed someone who had known the version of his self that wore his heart on his sleeve, not the one who wore an armor around the aforementioned organ.

"I owe you an apology," Winn spoke again. He moved one hand to the back of his neck as he tipped his head slightly to the side.

The words made Mon-El freeze. "For what?" He asked and attacked a punching bag with his balled up fist. His super-strength rattled the bag enough he feared the chain might break from where it hang from the ceiling. He knew the thing had been specifically made to withstand brutal force, usually coming from him or Kara, but he hadn't used that gym's equipment for seven years. He had grown unaccustomed to the setting and he felt like he had when he had first discovered his powers; like he lived in a world made of glass that could break any minute due to his lack of carefulness. "You've done nothing wrong," he added.

"I have," Winn countered. "I snapped at you the other day when Kara-" he stopped mid-sentence and swallowed a lump that had suddenly lodged itself in his esophagus. "I shouldn't have blamed you, it's not your fault." The human of the two shook his bowed head, his gaze directed downwards.

"Feels like it is," Mon-El responded, breathing heavily. He ceased his movements, held the bag with both hands to stop its motions, and then he hang his head low in a similar manner Winn had.

Winn took an audible breath in. His hand reached for Mon-El's shoulder and he squeezed when he felt it slump beneath his palm. "It's not. You can't think like that." With that he prompted his friend to pivot until their eyes met. He had noticed Mon-El tended to avoid eye contact ever since he'd been found but this time Winn didn't let him avert his gaze.

"I changed everything, I made her believe she had lost me. I stayed away and she still..." Mon-El choked up on his very emotions, his voice heavy and raw with desperation. He wanted to cover his face with his hands, to hide from his fears, but he didn't. That wasn't the time for him to fall apart, not when Kara needed him. He couldn't let himself be swamped by a past he was currently trying to rewrite.

"It's not your fault," Winn repeated, this time with a steadier, unwavering tone. He sounded convincing but that didn't mean he'd convinced Mon-El, and that felt like a failure on his part.

"I should've saved her. I came here to save her," the Daxamite stated. He had his eyes lowered again, his face a sunken memory of the carefree man he once had been. He gripped Kara's necklace in his closed fist, glad it was made of Kryptonian material otherwise he would have crashed it to shreds long ago.

"You can still do that. She's not gone." Winn continued with a statement of his own, doing his best to restore Mon-El's fading hope. He could see the torment on his friend's face. Albeit he was unaware of too many pieces in the puzzle that was Mon-El's absence, but if Winn knew one thing it was that Mon-El was fighting for Kara the same way the rest of them were. And that in his book was worth at least a few words of reassurance, plus it was all he had to offer at the moment.

At last, Mon-El stood straight, his shoulders squared and his face determined. "I need your help," he said and Winn nodded right away. "I think it's about time we woke Querl up."

* * *

 

Kara had her eyes closed and she was only paying half of her attention to the TV show playing in the background. It wasn't too late but it had been a long day and she had opted to curl in on the sofa with a blanket Eliza had gifted her with. Her head was hurting,  which was kind of odd since she never got headaches on Earth, and her thoughts were so very loud. The world in general was too loud and Kara wanted to scream out,  make it shut up, if only for just a minute.

She curled further in on herself, dipping her face underneath the cover, and she hid. The sound of gunshots coming from the TV made her head feel like it was going to explode but she couldn't turn it down, the remote was too far away and Kara didn't want to leave her little cocoon. The thought of moving alone made her want to flinch.

So she waited. She counted the steps Alex took, the soft thuds on the staircase, then she heard the click of the door, and when she knew Alex had entered her apartment she held her breath. She didn't know how but for one moment Kara managed to make the world go quiet at last. She concentrated on Alex's breathing and Alex's heartbeat and Alex's movements. Everything was Alex and Kara had grown so used to her sister's mere existence that it created a veil for the blonde to crawl under. Alex wasn't loud, she didn't hurt Kara. Alex was just there and the fact alone was comforting, reassuring, relieving.

So Kara held onto her sister like it was her lifeline. She whimpered when a siren was heard outside of the apartment complex and clenched her eyes shut tighter in a false notion that the lack of vision would dull her enhanced hearing.

"Shh..." Alex bent down to press a kiss atop Kara's head. She didn't touch her younger sister but she lowered herself on the ground, her thighs serving as a makeshift seat, and she slowly slipped a hand under Kara's blanket.

"Too loud," Kara whimpered again and grasped onto Alex's hand with both of her own. She held it to her chest, tightly enough to cause the redhead an unpleasant ache, but the latter didn't complain.

"I know, I'm sorry." With that Alex used her other hand, the one that wasn't trapped in an alien grip, and she turned the TV off. Then she slipped her earphones out of her jacket pocket along with her phone and pressed play on a song she'd already picked beforehand. She placed the device on the couch, right next to Kara's covered face, and she let the sound echo in the air until it reached the Kryptonian.

A few seconds passed filled with a soft melody of a tune the two sisters knew all too well. Slowly Kara's muffled whimpers turned into a quiet humming and Alex hummed along. Oddly enough, that was all Kara had needed to calm down, to feel grounded again. Just the person she considered her home and some music.

Nonetheless, the sound she heard next was certainly not music. It sounded more like the TV show that had been previously playing in the background. Crashes and bangs and gunshots mixed together to create a cacophony Kara winced at. When a new series of crashes  echoed in Kara's ears, accompanied by high-pitched screams and cries for help, the blonde didn't hesitate further. With one swift movement she was up and searching for the source, all while her well illuminated living room transformed into some corner of the city during broad daylight.

Kara lost her balance for a second and she stumbled. She reached her hand out to steady herself onto whatever she could grasp, but there was nothing. She turned her head to look at Alex, a questioning gaze right beneath her furrowed brows, but she didn't find her sister standing next to her like she had expected. Gone were Alex and her loft and the night sky, now she was alone.

The wind blew her cape to the side and that was when the blonde actually realized she'd been thrown into a completely different setting. She watched as chaos exploded everywhere she turned her eyes to and without thinking she flew head first into it. Before Kara could do anything, however, another suited up figure appeared. It wasn't Reign, or her cousin. The man was dressed in black and wore no mask. Kara followed him with her eyes, astonished and speechless, as he rescued people from collapsing buildings and put out fires before they spread enough to cause serious damage. He looked familiar but Kara couldn't put her finger on why. Be it the way he carried himself; confident amidst a crisis and fearless in the face of danger, or just the way he looked and moved, something was odd about him. Not in a bad way though. He just looked like someone she knew but couldn't quite recall a name.

And then the man turned, his head facing hers, and there he stood, or rather floated for that matter, the one she should have recognized from the very first second. It was Mon-El.

Kara gasped when she saw him. It was an image she had only dreamed about until that point: Mon-El being every bit the hero she had tried to convince him to be. The original surprise faded into pride and it swelled inside her chest, expanded her heart enough she thought her ribs didn't provide enough space for the emotion to fit behind. A catastrophe had been poured all around her, yet for a brief moment nothing else existed beyond him. For that one brief moment Kara was in love, and if the world was blown to shreds she wouldn't know, she wouldn't notice, because Mon-El was all she saw.

But then reality sank in. Kara floated in the air and counted the marks belonging to the Worldkiller, they stretched farther than her eyes reached. The previous pride morphed into anger and that anger grew stronger, more intense, more violent, until pure fury ran along her veins and for the first time Kara was the one wishing for a fight. She wanted Reign to be brought to her knees, she wanted to hurt her new-found enemy as much as the latter had hurt the people of National City. Kara was shocked to realize that tasted a lot like revenge on her tongue, but far be it from her to deny how she craved to have it.

Not knowing what else to do, she reached a hand out, fully aware that Mon-El was too far for her to touch, and she whispered his name. Like a prayer slipping from her lips, she uttered the syllables so hopefully like he held the answers to every question she would ever ask. But he didn't, because he was nothing but a vision, a mere product of her beaten mind. Even if it looked too real to be just that.

Mon-El looked at her direction but Kara knew he didn't really see her. His gaze just passed through like she wasn't there to begin with. She tried to fly toward him, her hand still eager to touch him, yet something was holding her back. And then a deafening boom broke the quietness and Kara started falling. She closed her eyes and waited to inevitably crash to the ground.

(She never did.) 

* * *

 

Mon-El twirled his Legion Ring around his finger as he stood outside Querl's room in the DEO med bay. He'd broken his friend out of the stasis capsule a couple of hours ago and truth be told he couldn't wait for the man to wake up. There were so many things to plan, so much to think about, and Mon-El needed Querl and his 12th-level intelligence to set everything in action. But for the time being he had to wait and the fact frustrated him to no end.

"Here," Imra said, offering Mon-El a drink he eagerly downed without even taking a whiff of. She stood at his side and her eyes were glued on him. 

Mon-El groaned after swallowing. "I hate you," he complained and gave his cup back to a chuckling Imra. 

"You thought it'd be alcohol, didn't you?" She laughed quietly, taking a sip from her own drink.

"I hoped," Mon-El corrected. He took a step closer to his wife and leaned his head on top of hers as her shoulder was too low for him to use. "How is she?" The question escaped his mouth before he could stop it. Of course he didn't need to specify whom he was referring to, they both already knew.

"The same," Imra responded. She threw a glance toward Querl's still sleeping form and sighed. "You should go see her," she added after a short pause.

"I don't know..." Mon-El trailed off, sounding unsure and quieter than he did a minute ago. His face fell, his eyes losing the short-lived spark Imra's arrival had brought.

"I know you, you're dying to see her," the Saturnian pointed out, revealing a truth Mon-El had been trying to brush off for days. She moved, forcing him to maneuver his head, and she lifted a hand to touch his cheek. "What's really stopping you?" She urged. 

Mon-El shut his eyes for a long moment, inhaling deeply and swallowing hard but never shying away from Imra's touch. In a way it reminded him of Kara and the way she had caressed his face after she'd found him. It was just as gentle and exactly what he was in need of. Nevertheless, the thought caused a shiver to trail his spine.

"I don't know if I can," Mon-El whispered, as if the confession weighed too heavily on his lips to be said any louder. "Seeing her like that..." He paused and shook his head. "I don't know," he finished, a little lost in his thoughts, a little overwhelmed from the tragedy of his reality.

"I can come with you," Imra offered, lowering her fingers from Mon-El's cheek to squeeze his hand. In all honesty, the sincerity of her words shocked Mon-El enough he couldn't help but stare at her with widened eyes.

"How can you do that?" He wondered, directing his question at her with such disbelief. "How can you pretend like this is okay? Like it doesn't affect you or us?"

"I'm not pretending Mon-El," Imra answered Mon-El's heated words with a calm demeanor. She'd been expecting for that very question for some time and she had had the reply rehearsed in her head already. It didn't scare her or offend her, in fact she considered Mon-El's surprise totally normal. "I want Kara to wake up and I want you to be happy, even if it is with her. I knew you loved her long before you and I got together. I accepted it and now I have to accept the consequences that may have on me as well," she explained and she watched as understanding dawned on Mon-El's face. 

"Thank you," the Daxamite said. He leaned in and pressed a kiss on Imra's forehead. "I don't know what I would've done without you," he admitted. 

Imra smiled at the words, her eyes expressing both joy and a spark of mischief. "You'd probably still be trying to figure out how the coffee maker works," she laughed.

Mon-El groaned and closed his eyes in exaggeration, tipping his head back. "I thought we agreed never to bring that up again," he complained, faking betrayal. 

Imra shrugged her shoulders. "Go now!" She gave him a push from the side. The light-hearted moment came to an end the same second and although they both kept a small smile on their faces, their eyes turned serious. "I'll come find you when this jackass wakes up," she added jokingly, motioning to Querl on the other side of the glass wall. It was her last attempt to salvage the bit of peace they had managed to grasp onto those last few minutes. 

Mon-El nodded and took off, not sure as to where he was headed. Or perhaps he knew where he had to go, he just wasn't sure if he wanted to. 

(Kara. He had to go to Kara.)


	4. Chapter 4

The place was quiet. It seemed like that same never-ending silence had been following Mon-El everywhere those days. He'd been in the Legion ship for longer than he cared to admit but he hadn't stepped foot inside the room where Kara was yet. There was an invisible force, strong as his fear, that had been holding him back for days, keeping him from going to her. It was a voice inside his head that sounded a lot like his own. An irrational voice that held him captive inside the cage that were his thoughts, the worst of them all, those telling him everything he didn't want to hear. So Mon-el didn't dare come closer, he stood at the entrance, just a foot back, and he gazed at her from afar. The rise of her chest after every inhale, the slight flatter of her eyelids after every trembling exhale, her motionless lips that had been painted a paler shade. She was beautiful. Absolutely stunning. Yet she lacked that thing Mon-El had never wanted her to lose; life.

He took a deep breath in, trying to gather as much courage as he possibly could, and finally he moved. He walked toward her slowly, hesitantly, still paralyzed by fear and overflowing uncertainty. The air in the room was thick, stuffy, and Mon-El felt completely out of place. But still he approached, fighting every instinct, every impulse, that urged him to walk away. It didn't matter what his head was telling him, there had bever been a moment in his short-lived time with Kara that he hadn't been pulled in her direction. She was a magnet and every last one of his cells were the steel she had claimed to be made of. He stuck to her, was drawn to her like those two opposites attracting each other that everyone loved to talk about.

With a furrow of his brows, Mon-El lifted a hand and touched the glass Kara stood behind. He pressed his fingers where her cheek was, partly to stop them from fidgetting and partly because he needed to touch Kara, to feel the warmth of her skin against his own. He closed his eyes for just a second, it was more of a blink than anything else, and he tried to remember the sensation, tried to erase the glass that separated them. That glass was the depiction of the distance that had grown between them after she found him, and he wanted to punch his way right through it, he wanted to make it fall apart right before his very eyes. But he couldn't. Not unless Kara threw her own punch from the other side.

He stood there and looked at her. Just looked at her. He matched his breathing with her shallow one. He caressed the glass like he would her skin. He traced her bruises with his eyes until he had them all memorized, until he knew how many scars he was to blame for. And then he retracted his hand, shoved it deep into his jeans pocket and balled it up in a fist.

He wanted to tug at his hair, dig his nails in his palms hard enough for the stinging ache to make him hiss. He wanted, for once, to do well, to do enough. Because doing enough hadn't included Kara getting hurt, it hadn't consisted of an alien tank keeping her alive. And for that Mon-El knew he had to carry the blame, the regret, the guilt. It would be his cross to bear even if nobody else blamed him, even if he himself was the only one to do so.

The ship huffed and groaned, functioning properly for the time being. The Daxamite took a look around, checking over everything. It was mostly a mean of distraction, to shift his focus from Kara's external injuries before he got too worked up. He hadn't come there to think, to consider everything and dig a hole for his useless ass to be buried. It wasn't about him. It was about her and how he owed her a sea of words; apologies, promises, explanations. It was about the fact that at the very least he should have visited her sooner. And it was about how she hadn't woken up yet, although she seemed to be healing.

Mon-El took a step back, creating further distance between him and Kara, and he gulped. "I didn't want to come, you know," he started with an admition. He had to get it out of the way as soon as possible, he had to tell her. "It didn't feel right," he said and turned his head to the side. He let his eyes wander off for a moment, licked his lips, and then faced Kara again. "It's like talking to a ghost."

He paused and waited, knowing he would get no answer from the unconscious blonde but still expecting one. Some part of him was hoping that Kara could hear him, that perhaps his visit could stir something in her enough to cause a reaction, any sign of acknowledgment. Of course nothing happened and Mon-El shook his head. He was disappointed but mostly at himself—for having false hope, for exaggerating about his worth and affect, for thinking Kara would seek him when it took him days to even consider going to check up on her.

"I used to talk to you," Mon-El continued, his voice echoing. "There was this place that I found, this little corner in the outskirts of the city that hadn't been so touched by the war, and it was my place. I'd go there whenever I needed to be alone. And I would talk to you. About anything really, my life, my troubles, my problems, my past." A sad smile lifted the corners of his lips as his eyes were glazed over by a faraway look. He shifted his weight from one foot to another and took ahold of his left wrist with his right hand. It was the place where his watch used to be, the one Kara had given him seven long years before.

"Sometimes it felt like you were there, like you could hear me. I'd get this knot in the pit of my stomach and my heart would start beating really fast and for a minute I'd get lost. So many times I thought you'd show up out of nowhere, searching for me. I hoped..." he stopped, the lump in his throat making it impossible for his voice to come out as anything more than a weak croak. He breathed in slowly to compose himself, shut his eyes for a long moment to steady his wavering figure. It was hard to think about it all, the time he'd lived away from Kara, the years he'd spent trying to find a way back, and finally the day he had finally given up. All the heartbreak he carried still, dragging it along with every step he took, and although he was currently living what used to be his biggest dream he couldn't be happy. For obvious reasons.

"It's time to wake up Kara," he said after a while. His tone wasn't quite as choked as Mon-El had feared it would be. "The world needs you," he added, as if that would convince her to wake up. Although knowing Kara it actually could, he thought. And then as he couldn't keep it inside any longer he spoke again. "I need you," he confessed, this time in a whisper, like he was afraid Kara would actually hear him. "I need you," he said again, feeling like he shouldn't have but not regretting it in the slightest. He bit his lower lip and approached once more, repeating his previous action as he reached for her face again. The glass was still there, the quietness too, and Mon-El's hopelessness was only fueled. A tearless sob scratched at his throat but he locked it behind firm lips.

 _Wake_ _up_ _._ He mouthed and grasped at her necklace because he couldn't reach for her hand. "Please," he uttered, this time aloud but barely. "Wake up." A final plead and then he was off, not trusting himself to keep it together any longer. He left her behind and didn't look back. He knew that if he did he'd be counting his pieces shortly after.

* * *

 

Kara headed out of her bathroom with wet hair and socked feet. Her ears had been ringing and she couldn't make it stop. It was almost like someone was talking to her but all she could hear were incomprehensible mumblings and muffled sounds. She had gone into the shower hoping to drown out the ringing but it hadn't worked. As everything felt detached in that place she was stuck, the water falling had been muted beneath the voices she couldn't make sense of.

She tucked a dump lock behind her ear and put on her glasses, more out of habit than necessity. She didn't know how long she'd been trapped inside her loft since she'd woken up in her own bed after the whole dreamlike thing with Alex and Mon-El. The days seemed to blend together and she found herself blacking out too often to be able to keep track of whatever sense of time she still had left. The television was on, playing the same movie it'd been the whole day, and even longer probably. It was that one with the gunshots that she couldn't stand, hence why she had muted it already.

"Wow." Someone spoke suddenly, the sound loud and clear. It startled Kara enough that she jumped a foot backwards, her hand immediately reaching for her chest, right above her drumming heart. "You look more beautiful than I imagined. The pictures don't do you justice," they said.

Kara narrowed her eyes, her furrowed brows forming a crinkle between them. "Who are you?" She asked but kept a safe distance from the intruder. He looked like a man but as he didn't exactly resemble neither a human nor a Kryptonian Kara didn't want to assume.

"My name is Querl, or Brainiac 5, or Brainy..." Querl rolled his eyes at his own rambling. "I'm a friend of Mon-El's," he explained, more seriously now. He stretched a hand out, possibly for Kara to shake, but when she didn't make a move to reciprocate the gesture he weaved it once along his white-blond hair.

At the mention of Mon-El's name Kara's face softened which in return made Querl smile a crooked grin. The sparkle in his green eyes was easily discernible but what put Kara more at ease was that he didn't make a move to slide off the stool he'd been sitting on.

"How did you get here?" The blonde wondered. She noticed Querl had taken the liberty to prepare a drink for himself, coffee she assumed from the halfway full jug placed nearby his mug.

Querl laughed softly. "I'm not actually here," he stated, emphasizing the last word slightly. "Neither are you," he added.

Kara eyed him suspiciously. "What do you mean?" She asked and stepped closer, taking a seat across from Mon-El's supposed-to-be friend.

"We're in your head," he shared then he gently pushed the lone mug between them closer to her, as if offering it. Kara hadn't seen him actually take a sip from it and from what she could tell the mug seemed to have been untouched. Nevertheless, she declined with a gentle shake of her head. It was his after all, even if it was _her_ coffee, in _her_ house, in _her_ headspace.

"I don't understand," she said with a flat tone, she was honestly confused.

The wind blew past an open window, pushing the drapes aside on its way in. A howl was heard that made them both turn to look but it stopped as soon as it started. Kara raised her eyebrows at the scene and went to close the window before moving back to her previous seat.

"You're in stasis, it's like the hypersleep I'd been in. From what I've heard after your fight with the Worldkiller you slipped into a coma and they've all been waiting for you to wake up since," Querl told Kara, bringing them back to their conversation. It wasn't new information, Kara had figured that much on her own already. But hearing someone else say it kind of made it realer, an actual issue that she hadn't addressed and had been trying to avoid. "That's why I'm here, to wake you up," Querl finished.

Kara opened her mouth and closed it again without speaking. Suddenly her tongue was tied. She lowered her gaze, directed it away from the green-skinned man, and she tried to think. Think about what it all meant and what she was supposed to do. Think about the world that'd been waiting for her, at least according to Querl. Think about what she'd find once she went back. "How long am I gone?" She asked.

"A few days," Querl replied. "I've only just woken up myself. Mon-El pulled me out of hypersleep, he said things are happening and he needs us both."

"Reign," Kara realized with a sigh. "She's still out there, someone has to stop her."

Querl nodded at her words, his eyes cloudy under a troubled expression. "You have to let go of this," he said, gesturing around. "Come back with me," he urged.

"I don't know how," Kara said and stood up. She'd slipped in a frenzy those last minutes and couldn't sit still. She felt the realization of the lost time weighing on her, the responsibility she'd so conveniently put aside was now upfront, like an elephant in the room she couldn't ignore. She didn't look at Querl as she nervously paced but she glanced at him when she spoke again. "How do I get out of here? How do I wake up?" She pleaded with her eyes for an answer, her tired posture completing the look. She'd started feeling weary and claustrophobic, like she was only then fully realizing the predicament she'd been in.

"I don't know," the stranger said but it was not what Kara had wanted to hear. Anger bubbled up within her and she wanted to scream. Instead she balled up her fists and released her heat vision—on the walls, on the furniture, on the fogged up windows. She wanted out.

Sparks danced all around her, creating an electrifying atmosphere. Kara opened her mouth in a silent shout, wreaking havoc on her imagination itself. Little by little she grew tired but little by little the place started crumbling. Under the force of her powers -the heat vision, the freezing breath, her brutal strength- the world started cracking. The ground was shaking beneath her feet, a storm was raging outside, lightning dichotomously tore the sky and Kara kept going. She wasn't afraid of the cataclysm, she was adding up to it. And she hoped that was her way out.

The chaos continued on but Kara's energy started fading. Querl tried to keep her motivation up, to feed her anger enough so she would forget her exhaustion, but it only worked for so long. With one last push of frozen air Kara collapsed. She fell to her knees, gasping and shaking, as little glistening crystals twirled around her crouched form. "I can't do it," She sobbed out with a defeated voice.

"I'm sorry," Querl sympathized, not knowing what else to say. His tone was robotic, monotonous and emotionless, but his feelings were painted all over his face like it was a canvas. He shared her weariness, her hopelessness, because neither he knew how to help her out of that prison-world she had gotten herself locked in.

"So am I," Kara replied in response. She straightened her back, rested her palms on her thighs and bit her lip. Thoughtlessly, she lifted a hand and fixed her glasses, which despite the whole scene hadn't fallen off. She looked at Querl and leaned her head to the side questioningly. He seemed distracted, staring off at the distance while mumbling things in a language Kara could not understand.

"Oh no," Querl breathed out. He wasn't talking to Kara, in fact the blonde wasn't sure if he was talking to anyone at all. Perhaps he was thinking something and commenting to himself. Perhaps he was living in two worlds at once—in the real one and Kara's own.

"What?" She questioned. "What is it?"

Querl's attention didn't shift, he didn't acknowledge her, and Kara hated the fact that she couldn't see what he was seeing.

"Mon, to your right!" He exclaimed, jumping from his seat. His eyes were moving from side to side, his head turning in directions Kara saw nothing coming from, yet Querl looked like he was backing away from some invisible threat.

"Mon-El! No!" He yelled and Kara didn't need to listen further. That was enough to have her standing on her feet in an instant and searching manically for an exit. She took determined steps and approached Querl fast. Her eyes were cold, scared. She didn't know what real felt like anymore but the cold sweat licking at her skin surely wasn't a product of her imagination.

"Where is Mon-El? What's going on?" She demanded and shook Querl's shoulders to snap him from his daze, to bring him back to their shared present. She squeezed tightly, not caring if she was hurting the man, until his eyes twinkled with a spark of recognition and their gazes met.

"He's hurt," Querl said quietly and swallowed hard. "I have to go back." He stood, moving spasmodically, almost automatically. He didn't wait another moment, didn't tell her more. He was gone in a brief flash of light and Kara was left standing there, completely clueless.

 _WAKE_ _UP_ _!_

She screamed, as loud as she could, and the windows rattled, the glass cracked. A lightning bolt, a sudden earthquake, a deafening howl of wind and she was off, flying through the roof and along the layers of atmosphere. Her lungs were burning, her ears were ringing, her skin was tingling, but she pushed forward. Wherever he was she had to get there. She had to find her way back.

* * *

 

Kara woke with a gasp. She coughed and her breath whizzed. She snapped her eyes open, blinking a few times to dry off her soaked eyelashes, and she took her surroundings in. There was glass in front of her and water reaching just above her stomach. The air was hot and for a minute she got distracted trying to figure out what her body had been held in. But that wore off quickly as she remembered what she'd been previously flying to.

 _Mon-El_.

His face flashed in her mind so bright and vivid, the memory of Querl saying he was hurt coming right after. She panicked and with a swift motion punched the glass as hard as she could, the limited space restricting her movements and momentum. The shards collapsed in a pile at her feet, freeing her. Kara shivered from the cold air that suddenly hit her and took a look at her knuckles that were unharmed. She eyed the space around her, vaguely recognized the place, but she didn't stall further. She stepped out of the empty tank and looked down at her suit. Her senses were finally intact, the reality tangible enough that Kara knew she was awake now. She was back.

It had become a bad habit of hers but at the moment she didn't care· the Kryptonian pushed herself in the air and broke through the walls as if they were nothing. She crossed through the water and shot in the air with superspeed. The world crashed into her, the noises of the city, the touch of the freezing air, the millions of heartbeats she'd vowed to protect. Normally it would've disoriented her, it would've made her stumble, but this time it didn't. Kara flew straight to the DEO, merely a blur in the sky, crossing the city with such speed she wasn't sure whether the inhabitants would be able to recognize her and know she was back.

Her symbol atop Catco's building was still there, she noticed, just like in her dreamworld. The sight made her smile. It gave her hope, strength.

Barely a minute later Kara landed on the DEO building and entered. There were gasps and widened eyes all around her but she payed them no attention. The only thing she focused on was _his_ heartbeat drumming rhythmically in her ears. It hadn't been hard to locate it, she'd memorized it long ago, and after it had blended again with all the other ones she couldn't bring herself to let it go. It had come so naturally, mixed so easily with the few others Kara was always tuned to, and it'd been practically impossible for her to shut Mon-El out. Even when she avoided him, even when she didn't want to see him, even then his heartbeat echoed in the back of her mind, as present as it'd been seven months before.

The sound lead her straight to the med bay and the realization made Kara feel nauseous, made her stomach shrink into a tight knot. She knew Querl had said that Mon-El had been hurt but a part of her had been hoping it wasn't real. She'd been hoping Querl too had been a product of her made-up world. And then she saw _him_ and her hopes vanished, fell apart. There Mon-El was, sickly pale and glistening with sweat, his hair a wet mess atop his head. A strand fell in his eyes and Kara wanted to brush it away.

She stood at the door, observing him and the others around him—Imra, J'onn, Winn, Alex and of course Querl. Kara's eyes moved to Alex's figure, checking her all over to make sure she was alright, and then inevitably fell back on Mon-El. He wasn't bleeding or unconscious, he was simply sat on a bed, a syringe abandoned nearby, and he was listening to whatever the others were talking about. Kara released a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding and watched as Mon-El sat straight and froze the same instant. With silent movements she approached. He was the only one that could have been able to see her as everyone else's back was turned to her, but she knew he hadn't. His head had been lowered and remained as such.

"Thank Rao," she muttered and an abrupt silence fell over them all. Mon-El's eyes shot up to find hers. "I was so scared," Kara said and lifted both her hands to touch his face as soon as she reached him. It wasn't like she didn't see anyone else or wasn't aware of the group watching her, equally parts surprised and relieved. It was just that she needed to make sure Mon-El was alright before she engaged with them all.

"Kara," Mon-El said in a choked tone.

The blonde nodded, a small smile lighting her face, and she brushed a thumb across Mon-El's cheek. For a moment she forgot that he had a wife and that said wife was standing only a foot away. But again, when she remembered, she didn't retract. Just this once she wanted to savor the feeling, she wanted to forget her misery—whether that included the man she was in love with being married to someone else or a new big bad that had beaten her, literally and figuratively, and was threatening the peace of her world didn't matter.

"Are you okay? Querl said you'd been hurt," she asked Mon-El, finally pulling her hands to her sides but keeping her attention solely on him.

Mon-El glanced briefly at his mentioned friend and then back at Kara. "Yes, yes, I'm fine, just a little lead accident..." He trailed off. He was surprised and disbelieving of the image in front of him."You're awake," he stated, clearly in awe.

"I am," Kara confirmed, reassuring him. She watched as his shoulders visibly relaxed and he let out a gentle sigh. He nodded, as if he was suddenly tongue-tied, and Kara smiled wider this time, just as reassured herself.

He was okay. And she was okay too. For the moment that was more than enough.


	5. Chapter 5

Sleepless nights had been a constant for months, an anomaly in her routine that had at some point turned into what she considered as her new normal. Kara didn't scoff anymore, didn't sigh, when sleep weighed down her eyelids but her mind refused the rest. She'd lay awake staring at the ceiling, thinking, until her alarm broke the silence and urged her out of bed. But sometimes, on her worst nights, when nightmares were loud and the weariness in her bones kept her feet glued to the ground, when her wings wouldn't sprawl and fly her away from what was hurting her, Kara would paint. However, even that little escape of hers had been stained nowadays—by monotony, by lack of creativity, by her fatigue itself. Lately whenever she picked up a brush and dipped it in color Kara didn't see possibility stretch out on the blank canvas, what she saw was her heartbreak in humanlike form. Gray eyes, dark hair, a shadow of a smile that she'd barely caught a glimpse of but had been missing for months. It was further torture some nights, pure blessing some others.

She'd had a whole room filled with him: his mesmerizing eyes staring at a cloudless sky, his crooked smile half-hidden behind a steaming mug, his fingers stretched and reaching out for her own hand, the back of his head peeking from a fluffy pillow... Kara had taken her memories and made photographs out of them, had taken her loss and turned it into a slideshow that hung on the walls in dozens of scattered canvases. And there were times when she couldn't step foot inside the room, when the thought alone made her breath shudder. But there were also times when she'd go in and forget to head out, she'd lose herself in the images, in the memory of the person she used to be with him. Morning would come, dawn would break through the sky, and it'd find Kara on the floor, completely bare of pretense and masked apathy, chasing the very figure overshadowing the space she was surrounded by.

Amidst her daze a knock was heard from the door, just a light tap on the hard wood, and Kara wasn't surprised. She didn't need to look through the door to know who was standing behind it. She didn't need to listen in to distinguish the pattern of the heartbeat and match it with the owner. She would've recognized the rhythm of his steps anywhere, the shuffling of his feet as he waited to be let in. Those were things that hadn't changed, that time hadn't left its mark on, and Kara knew because she'd noticed from the first day. She'd noticed when she had been desperately searching for something familiar in the changed man she barely recognized.

Kara put her brush down, glad she hadn't had the time to paint anything before Mon-El arrived, and stood up. She crossed her loft with quick strides and inhaled deeply before she opened the door, mentally preparing herself to see him. He was wearing jeans and a black, sleeveless shirt-the only outfit he'd left at the DEO for emergencies-and if it weren't for the stubble on his cheeks Kara could've sworn that was the old Mon-El, _her_ Mon-El. The image sent a pang of pain right through her chest and she blinked twice to make sure she wasn't hallucinating.

"Hi," she greeted, her form halfway hidden from Mon-El's view. She gave him a tight smile and watched as his eyes raised themselves to meet her own. It was times like that one that were the hardest, that planted doubt in her heart loud enough to stain everything she believed. It was the little sparkle in his gaze that found a crack in the dullness to slip through and emerged, and his face lit up a little just at the sight of her, and she saw it all, she couldn't deny it. So when it happened how could Kara tell herself that she held no importance to him anymore? How could she believe that he looked at her and the love was lost from his eyes? How could she not get her hopes up when the only smile she'd seen on his face she had drawn out. Rao, it was hard, and it hurt, and still she couldn't stay away. She couldn't let go of him.

"Come on in," she said when Mon-El didn't speak. She opened the door further and he hesitantly stepped in, looking around the place in wonder. It was that look that made Kara realize it was the first time he had come to her loft in seven months (for her, in seven years for him).

"Thanks," Mon-El murmured, his tone fleeting and distracted. Kara followed him into the open kitchen, keeping a distance a couple of feet wide, and she couldn't not notice how Mon-El seemed to drag his feet forward, as if his legs weighed enough to make him break a sweat. Gone was the familiarity with which he used to move around her loft, the comfort and security she knew he used to feel inside those walls. It was weird to watch, espeacially when Kara knew his ubiquitous presence had been sheer and loud even though he hadn't physically been there for a while. She hadn't changed the place, hadn't thrown away his stuff, and despite Mon-El's current ignorance of the fact, Kara had spent the last seven months staring at his clothes hung in her closet, drinking from his mug when she wasn't sure she could make it through another day without him. He was all over the place, in every room, every dusty corner, and some of his things she hadn't even moved. His toothbrush was _still_ placed beside her own, his books were _still_ in a stack on her nightstand.

"It's been a while since I was here last," Mon-El pointed out with an uncomfortable laugh. He continued to look around with raised brows, although he was facing Kara instead of having his back turned to her. "It looks the same," he added.

Kara nodded in agreement. "You know I don't really like change," she cast a glance around too as she spoke, mimicking his actions. "Plus it hasn't been that long for me," the blonde reminded Mon-El.

"Right," he said and his expression darkened. Kara sensed an apology coming, she held her breath in anticipation of it, but Mon-El never voiced it. "Umm.." he scratched the underside of his bottom lip with his thumb and looked away only for a brief moment before he gave her all of his attention. "I'm sorry, is it too late, should I let you go back to sleep?"

Kara narrowed her eyes at the question, at his walking-on-eggshells behavior. It made her uncertain, maybe even a little insecure. She'd never seen that side of him. Even when he had just woken up on Earth and didn't know anyone or anything, Mon-El had kept his confidence, had used it as a shield from the new world. But now? Now he was not that person, he wasn't confident, or sure, or open. Now she saw his fear behind his quietness, she saw the discomfort behind the discretion.

"No, no," she said too fast and then stopped abruptly. She used a finger to point at her abandoned artwork, not that there was anything to show apart from some faint graphite lines. "I couldn't sleep so I was just-" she paused to think of the right words. She couldn't tell him the truth, couldn't tell him she spent entire nights bringing him back to life because his absence was still a bleeding wound. "I was just messing around," she completed.

Mon-El's mouth formed a soft smile, the kind that doesn't need breadth to show its purpose. "Paint with me?" He asked. Kara blinked and stared at him, speechless, breathless. It was just a question, a simple suggestion, but it held so much history, so much of _their_ history.

The blonde returned the smile. "Sure," she agreed. She stalled another moment, to make sure she had heard right, to be certain that he wouldn't back down, and when he simply walked to his usual spot by the window Kara took her own spot in front of her canvas.

"What are you painting tonight?" Mon-El asked, distracted by the view outside the window. If she focused, if she tried just enough, Kara could see the picture reflecting in his eyes, she could see the city lights flicker in his irises.

She couldn't help it when instead of picking her brush back up she turned to ogle at him, her unbridled longing taking control of her if only for half a minute. But then Kara shook her head and forced her feet back on the ground. It'd been seven years, he had a wife, a life, a job and a purpose, and none of that included her. It was the bitter truth but the truth nonetheless.

"I don't know. I've been running low on inspiration lately," she told Mon-El and shrugged a shoulder even though he didn't see it.

Mon-El hummed in response. "So many things are happening, you've got a lot on your plate right now."

Kara snorted. "You don't say."

She outlined his figure on the windowsill, opting for a darker scene than it actually was. Her living room was well illuminated despite the late hour but something about him, about the picture he created at the moment, was dark. She couldn't shake it.

Minutes passed, filled with silence and void of tension. The latter was a surprise as there hadn't been a single moment they'd spent together since Mon-El's return that hadn't been uncomfortably electrified in one way or another. Kara savored it, thrived in the notion that made her feel a little more alive.

"You didn't ask me why I came here," Mon-El spoke and broke the silence. Slowly he changed his stance and shifted his gaze toward Kara's direction.

Continuing to work on her paint and without missing a beat Kara answered. "You never needed a reason." The words slipped out so easily, automatically almost, that she didn't realize what she said right away. But when she heard his breath hitch, when she saw his shoulders square, she regretted it instantly.

"Kara," he started. It sounded a bit like a warning but Kara couldn't be sure. Perhaps he was pleading, for what she didn't know though.

She felt the disconnection before Mon-El stood up. She watched him withdraw back into the shell he'd been in since he woke up and Kara froze. She gulped and stood on her knees, her brush sliding out of her grasp. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" she stopped because she didn't know what to say, reality hit her like a punch in the gut, she'd ruined everything.

"It's okay," Mon-El said in a flat tone. "I should go, Imra is waiting for me." He walked hurriedly to the door, stopping only once he reached it. He faced Kara again. "It was good to see you, I'm glad you're better." And with that he was gone.

Kara released a breath and shut her eyes for a long moment. His smell was still in the air and his voice echoed in her ears. She felt trapped.

"Why?" She whispered, her doleful voice almost whimpering. Why was that happening? Why had she said what she had and made him leave? Why did he have to come back only to be already taken from her? Why did the loss chase her and didn't let her breathe? Why? Why? Why?

Kara stood on her feet, boiling with anger, shaking with hopelessness. She didn't cry, didn't scream, didn't collapse under the weight of her aching heart. But she did grab her canvas and broke it in two, she did drag half of his remaining figure to her «special» room and hung it on the wall to dry. And when she took a step back and observed her work, she did promise herself that was the last picture of him she was going to paint.

At last she exited and locked the door behind her, and she pretended, for her own sake, that she had locked the pain away too, that she had escaped it.

* * *

 

After Mon-El left Kara's home, despite what he'd told her, he didn't go straight back to Imra. He didn't think he could face her at the moment. But as he'd done all day, he sought something familiar, and fortunately, although he was trapped in a time he didn't live in anymore, there were plenty of places in the city he could go to. He walked for miles, passing several blocks and not knowing where he was headed, until his feet carried him to the bar. The same bar he used to work at, where he'd gotten Kara drunk for the first time, where he'd kissed her more times than he could remember, where he felt not safe but at the every least content.

He walked in with his head hung low. He wasn't in the mood for 'hello's and 'glad you're back's. Actually he didn't know what he'd gone there for, but since he had, he decided a drink wouldn't hurt. Plus he had a feeling sleep wouldn't come easy, not with everything running through his head and the way his heart pounded in his chest in the most unpleasant and exhausting of ways.

He took a seat at the bar, far away from the few people who were still lingering, way too drunk to care about the concept of time and the approaching closing hour. Some he recognized, although he couldn't recall any names,  and others he didn't know at all, which made the gap of the lost time more apparent. He nodded at the bartender, an old acquittance of his, and a drink was slid his way a minute later. The wordless exchange was exactly what Mon-El needed. He didn't want to take his mind off his troubling thoughts, what he wanted was a place to sit quietly, somewhere he could exist without having anything to deal with.

However, even that simple wish was a long shot as it seemed and Mon-El sighed when a second figure took a seat next to him.

"Rough night?" Winn asked. He glanced at Mon-El's slumped posture and gave him a gentle tap on his back.

"You could say that," Mon-El replied. "I went to see Kara."

"Oh, that must've been good."

Despite the sarcasm in Winn's tone, Mon-El didn't miss the underlying sympathy in it. He tipped his head back and emptied his glass with a single gulp. The burn didn't last, nor did the effect kick in, as the drink was too light for his alien genes, but the truth was that Mon-El wasn't craving a buzz, he wasn't chasing a drunken stupor. If he had been he would've ordered something stronger, surely the bar still kept a stash of the _good_ stuff.

"What are you doing here?" He asked Winn, not just because he wanted to keep the conversation going but also because he was concerned. As deep in his own troubles as he may have been, Mon-El didn't miss the frown on Winn's face, didn't look past the drunken stutter in his friend's voice.

"It's been good having you around," Winn sighed, taking a sip from his drink and wincing afterwards.

Mon-El's brows knitted together, a crinkle forming between. "Winn, what's wrong?" He moved closer to his friend, a hand lifting to rest on a slumped shoulder.

"Nothing's wrong. Everything's _great_!" Winn feigned an enthusiastic tone, emphasizing the last word and rolling the 'r' longer than necessary. Then his momentary facade slipped and he grumbled. "It's like everyone's falling apart, man," he said, looking everywhere but at Mon-El who was sitting at his right.

"What do you mean?" Mon-El wondered. At the moment he really felt the chasm, the distance from the world he'd been snatched from and missed for seven months. There was very little Mon-El had been caught on and very much that he had yet to be informed about when it came to everyone else's life.

"You've missed so much," Winn confirmed Mon-El's thoughts. He shook his head, whined, and then pressed a palm against his temple, a pained expression clouding his features. At the moment Mon-El wasn't sure whether the next time Winn would open his mouth would be to speak or empty his stomach.

"Talk to me," the Daxamite urged. He watched as Winn glanced at him from the corner of his eye, and nodded to himself as if he was having a second conversation inside his head that Mon-El couldn't hear.

"It's just..." The human of the two started but paused, searching for words, the liquor in his system making it hard for coherent thoughts to form. "It hasn't been easy since you left."

Mon-El nodded. "I know," he said. 

"No you don't," Winn countered, his voice cutting, his tone sharp. "You don't know what it's been like," that sounded almost like an accusation. "Kara is broken because of you, Alex has been a mess since she called it off with Maggie, Reign has been kicking our asses, J'onn found his father but he barely talks to the poor man and me? I'm sitting here, drunk and useless and lonely." A brief pause followed, only long enough for Winn to drain his glass, and then he spoke again. "And then there's you," he continued, his eyes locked with Mon-El's, guilt and sorrow reflecting in them. "You're so sad. You're always so sad. And I don't know what you've been through or how I can help you but I'm your friend, I should be able to do something, I should know what to do." Toward the end Winn's voice turned apologetic, helpless, guilty, and the truth was that it broke Mon-El's heart, to know that Winn still felt a kind of responsibility toward him. He was surprised because he'd been keeping so many secrets and he had changed so much from the man Winn used to call his friend. Still, Winn hadn't changed, hadn't seen him differently, he only wanted to help.

"We'll figure it out." Mon-El squeezed the other's shoulder and tried to sound comforting. "And don't worry about me, I'm fine."

"Sure," Winn chuckled, a bitter sound dripping of disbelief and irony.

Mon-El ignored him. "Let's take you home," he said, standing up and helping Winn do the same. The latter nodded and complied, swaying on his feet for a second before Mon-El steadied him.

As they walked out of the bar Mon-El didn't forget about Winn's words. 

_Kara is broken because of you._

The phrase repeated itself in his head over and over like a broken record. It echoed in his ears and made him shiver. It almost made him wish Winn hadn't told him, but not because he didn't know it already. He did know, but having someone else say it was different, somehow it hurt worse.

* * *

 

Carefully and with quiet steps, Mon-El slipped into the room he and Imra had been using as a bedroom the last few nights, since Kara woke up and left the legion ship. He wasn't being sneaky or trying not to be heard by Imra, he just didn't want to wake her up. It was really late, way past midnight, and he'd rather not interrupt his wife's rest. Nevertheless, as he closed the door and moved to take off his clothes, the light was turned on and Mon-El watched as Imra sat up on the bed.

"Where have you been?" She questioned, calm and steady, following Mon-El's motions with her eyes.

"Out," he simply answered, just as calm.

The tension in the air hung heavy, the frustration simmering just beneath the surface, carefully hidden behind cold expressions on both of their faces.

"And you couldn't say so? Brainy and I spent an hour looking for you!" Imra exclaimed, rightfully so. Her brows raised and her tone hardened.

Mon-El had known what awaited him, when he left Imra and Querl working on fixing the ship alone, and disappeared without saying a word. He had needed a moment to be alone, a minute of quietness and fresh air, and he knew if he had said so there would be no problem. But he didn't. Instead he opted to flee, literally run out, as if he was being chased and needed to get away.

"I went to ask J'onn about the battery we need," he said, sitting on the bed but avoiding Imra's cold stare. He took his time changing his clothes, lagging as much as he possibly could.

"What did he say?"

"He can find us one."

Imra sighed at the words, her shoulders relaxing. Mon-El saw that as his opportunity, a good moment to finally look at her. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I've been feeling so overwhelmed lately."

Imra grasped his hand at the confession, her piercing gaze melting into a soft look. "You know you don't have to run, I'm right here." She stroked her thumb over Mon-El's knuckles. "Always," she emphasized and he nodded.

"I know but I-" He stopped, unsure of what he wanted to say. "It's been hard, being back here, having everyone around..." he didn't complete his thought.

"...having Kara around," Imra did it for him instead.

"Yeah," Mon-El's voice faded, his eyes lowered, his head leaned downwards. "I'm sorry," he said again, the apology coming out in a choked whisper.

Imra shook her head and run a hand through his hair, prompting him to lift his face. "Let's go to sleep," she suggested, knowing she wouldn't get anything else past his lips.

Mon-El didn't speak, didn't nod, he only swallowed hard and closed his eyes when Imra pecked him on the lips, a kiss so soft, so light, he almost didn't feel it. Involuntarily, his mind drifted elsewhere, to someone he shouldn't be thinking about. He was content right there with Imra, loved and understood and taken care of, but it wasn't enough all of a sudden. It wasn't what he craved. He wanted the peacefulness he'd felt back in Kara's loft, the ease and comfort he was flooded by while he sat on the window looking out at the city. He wanted to feel free inside the ocean Kara held in her gaze, he wanted to feel that bliss that she offered him with a simple touch, he wanted to taste the sweetness of her lips. Imra was enough...more than enough actually. But Kara was everything. _Everything_. 


	6. Chapter 6

The rain poured, big, fat drops crashing angrily against the ground, soaking buildings and flowing down walls. Most people had found somewhere to slip in, homes and stores and shops and restaurants, they’d found a place to protect themselves from the cataclysm raging outside. And yet, one superhero defied the weather and shouldered the storm. After all, it wasn’t the worst she’d faced, both literally and metaphorically. She floated beneath thick clouds, a bruise forming on her left cheek from a punch she’d failed to avoid. Reign was staring right at her, the hero and the villain once again at odds, but neither would make a move to attack and definitely not to back down. They’d been at it for some time, bouncing around each other like it was some sort of a game, although none of the two seemed to be in a playful mood.

Reign stood alone, her cape flowing with the wind, her face stoic behind her mask. She’d managed to land a few good hits, had made her enemy stumble and see stars, but her powers could only do so much. Supergirl had appeared prepared this time, with a group of people watching her back, never letting Reign take it too far before they joined forces and pushed her back.

"I’m not going to let you win," Supergirl said, her voice steady, her eyes cold. No trace of fear could be detected, no sign of weakness slipping past her hardened expression, despite her defeat the last time the two had battled it out.

"We will see about that," Reign replied with that same self-assured and all-too-powerful voice. She had to dodge a blast of lasers shooting off at her, from an alien ship she knew humans couldn’t have made, but the arrogant grin wasn’t wiped off her face. They couldn’t scare her, no matter what they threw at her, she was determined to bring them all to their knees. However, it was obvious that they were putting on one hell of a fight that even she had trouble getting through.

Lightning struck the villain, making her spine bend backwards, and she gritted her teeth at the pain. Kara watched her writhe with a pleased look, it wasn’t her style to enjoy watching others suffer but the memory of her own pain made her coldhearted enough to know there was no alternate way she could win this war. As Livewire backtracked, Kara dived forward, landing a kick at Reign’s stomach that led the latter straight into Mon-El’s awaiting, kryptonite-covered arms. Reign’s veins shone green, and she let out an animalistic growl, although it sounded more like it’d been caused by anger other than pain. Still, Kara knew the kryptonite got to her enough to dull her strength considerably. She attacked again, her punches targeting Reign’s head mostly, and with a shot of heat vision she forced the villain to the ground.

The two stood on their feet, once again facing each other, once again circling around each other as they contemplated their next move. Saturn Girl appeared from the side, Alex on the other, Mon-El floated above their heads with the Legion ship and J'onn walked with Psi as they approached from behind. Reign was surrounded, and she knew it.

"Let's see what you're made of," Psi said, an intense look on her face as she set her powers free. Within a second her target crumbled. Reign collapsed to her knees, her hands on either side of her head as her mouth opened in a wavering scream. Her fear could be seen in her eyes, and Kara watched as the devilish red turned to brown; warm, dark, regular brown. There was a person in there, Kara swore, she could see them breaking through the cracks, succumbing to the terror. Reign was lost for a second, the Worldkiller defeated by a pair of terrified eyes. But then, before Kara could do anything, before she could even take a step closer, the red flashed back in place and the woman was gone.

"This isn't over," Reign warned and flew away in a blur, leaving the group dumbfounded and Supergirl hopeful amidst her hopelessness.

A moment of silence followed as the group formed a closer circle. "Is everyone alright?" Kara said loudly, glancing around as everyone nodded. "Thank you for your help," she added. 

Livewire snorted and Psi rolled her eyes but Kara opted to ignore them. She knew it was all an act anyway.

"Hope I don't see you soon, Supergirl," Leslie said, her version of a farewell, and the next moment she morphed into pure electricity, jumping into a street light and disappearing.

Kara turned, her eyes falling on the second unexpected asset, and Psi raised a brow in return. "You," the Kryptonite emphasized, "are not going anywhere."

Psi rolled her eyes again. "Don't tempt me, Supergirl," she replied, a warning masked behind her bravado and sarcasm. She let J'onn put the head piece back in its place, dampening her powers, and was escorted into a DEO van. 

Quickly the rest of them scattered, heading in different directions. The rain continued to fall maniacally, and Kara knew she had to stop by her loft before she flew back to CatCo. Her soaked hair stuck to her face, irritating her, and at the moment, her suit was the most uncomfortable thing to be wearing.

* * *

 

Kara landed in her living room with little grace and even less interest about doing so. Leaving the window open, so that she could fly straight through it on her way back home, had been a bad idea, especially since it'd been pouring buckets for hours. She stood on a carpet-bared spot, dripping all over the floor, from her hair, her suit, her boots. Perhaps flying in that storm had been an even worse idea, beating the leaving-the-window-open thing by a slide. So Kara groaned at the sight, at the mess she had just created, at the extra trouble she'd put herself in, and rushed to the bathroom. And when I say rushed, I mean literally ran in a flash, one that might have impressed Barry Allen himself. She quickly cleaned the living room, threw her soaked costume in a pile by the foot of her bed, and changed into something dryer and more comfortable. Then she closed the window, which she had forgotten about, and as she moved to get a glass of water, the doorbell rang, slightly startling her.

She hadn't heard anyone approaching, she'd been too focused in her little task to pay attention. The fact didn't surprise her however, since she'd been prone to zoning out too often the last few months. Still, Kara huffed in annoyance at her own out-of-character behavior.

"Coming!" She called out when the doorbell echoed for the second time. She squinted and looked through to the impatient figure standing behind the door, a large smile stretching across her lips as soon as she recognized her sudden visitor.

Amidst her bursting excitement, she almost crashed through the door before she reminded herself to tone it down a notch. But again, when Clark's figure was finally revealed, Kara didn't restrain herself. She fell into his arms forcefully, laughing when her cousin let out an "Oomph!" and caught her in a tight embrace. To say she had missed him would be an understatement, and judging from the way he was reluctant to let go, he had too.

"Kal, what are you doing here?" Kara asked when the two broke apart and she opened the door wider for her cousin to walk past.

"What, aren't you happy to see me?" He teased and took a look around the blonde's loft, noticing not much had changed since the last time he'd visited the place.

"Of course I'm happy to see you. I'm just surprised," she explained, gesturing for him to take a seat.

At that, Clark's previous grin slipped, a guilty expression replacing it. "I'm sorry, I should've come here sooner," he blurted out, his gaze lowering, hesitant to meet Kara's.

Kara narrowed her eyes in a confused manner. "What are you talking about?" She wondered. She watched as Clark shifted in his seat, his fingers twitching nervously, and she reached a hand out to stop his stressed motions. "Clark, what is it, what's wrong?"

Clark lifted his head to look at her, as she was still standing, and the guilt still swimming in his gaze made the atmosphere feel charged and Kara mildly concerned. "I saw you on the news, how you got beaten and hurt, I saw it. And I, I called you so many times but I couldn't get hold of you and I guessed you were fine, that you were just busy after that incident, I didn't think-" Superman paused, ran a hand through his hair, and inhaled deeply. He looked so different without his suit, so ordinary, so human. His vulnerability was palpable, his bland honesty heavier than the cape he wasn't currently wearing. "I didn't think you'd be in such a bad shape, I'm sorry Kara. I should've flown here right away, I should have-" he stopped again, only for a second, to gulp down the lump lodged in his throat. "Alex told me you almost died, that she's not sure you would have pulled through if it wasn't for Mon-El's ship. I could have lost you and I wouldn't even know, I'm so sorry." His breathing had lost its rhythm but he kept going, desperate to get the words out before Kara realized what he already knew—that he had failed her. "I, I don't pay enough attention. I've always seen you as this unbreakable person, you've always been so strong, I never worry about you because I know you're stronger than I'll ever be." Clarke shook his head when Kara sat beside him, refusing to accept her comfort after what he'd done, how he'd sidelined her in favor of his own perception of her. "I'm sorry I didn't check on you sooner, I'm sorry I haven't been here all this time you've been struggling, I'm so bad at this, so bad at being your family," he finished with a defeated voice, so much self-loathing floating underneath.

"Clark," Kara started. "Don't do this." Her eyes had gotten wet, her heart breaking from the reality of it all. One part of her was hurt, was betrayed, by his absence. The only person in the world she shared blood with had been nowhere to be seen when her life had been hanging by a thread. It was the truth, and it was painful. Yet on the other hand, she couldn't blame him. He had a life to lead, a city of his own to protect, and it was true that she'd never reached out to him for help, she'd never wanted him to see her struggle. The few times Kal-El had been really struggling with himself, with his identity, his origins, his heritage and backstory, she'd been more than willing to support him, to tell him everything he had wanted to know. From what kind of people his parents had been to the memories she had of him as a baby, she'd never been hesitant to talk about it. But when the questions would turn to her, when the opportunity arose for them to bond over their shared loss, over the family, the world, the lives they were forced to miss, she'd shut down. Before Supergirl, Kara had tried to suppress her alien-ness, she would raise a wall everytime Clark asked her about the person she'd been on Krypton. She had insisted on calling him Kal-El yet she had never introduced Kara Zor-El to him. That was another painful truth. So now she couldn't hold him accountable for something that was only half his fault.

"Kara I-" Clark began again but Kara cut him off. 

"No, listen," she said. "I don't blame you, I know that you love me, and you're right, I never gave you a reason to worry about me. I never got to protect you, I never got to fulfill my responsibility to you, which is why I could never let you be the one to protect me," she explained, her voice steady, her tone strong in that way Clark had come to associate with her. "I'm just happy to see you now. And I'm sorry too, about what you said, you could have lost me and you wouldn't know. I'm sorry I've shut you out even more these last seven months, I haven't been myself since what happened with Mon-El."

When Kara finished, Clark couldn't help sliding off his stool and hugging her, and when she clang to him, he too held on tighter. There wasn't much difference between that Kara and the one he'd seen seven months prior, after the Daxamites had been defeated. She still wore her pain like an armor, still thriving despite it. This time she might have shown vulnerability, she might have let him seen her hurting and seeking familial comfort, yet her strength didn't waver, she still held her own weight. And she shouldered his guilt too, she'd taken his responsibility, his own broken promises, and somehow she had found it in herself to forgive him, to see a fault of her own in his actions that he could never blame her for.

When the two pulled away Clark spoke. "About Mon-El," he began, pausing to give Kara an opening to stop him, to shut the conversation down before it even started. When she didn't he continued. "What's going on with that? How is he back?" he asked.

"It's complicated," Kara replied, her voice distressing, her fingers busy playing with the hem of her shirt. "He, uhm..." her thoughts jumbled, facts and memories mixing together, truths and wishes contradicting, fighting each other to get on top. "This one is a long story," she said, exhaling deeply. 

"I have plenty of time," Clark assured, gently encouraging her to start talking.

After a moment of inner debate, she did.

* * *

 

Mon-El cursed under his breath when he failed once again to get the battery J'onn had given him working. He fumbled with the wires, went over the procedure in his head to make sure he'd followed each step correctly, but still he couldn't find the flaw. He couldn't understand why it wasn't functioning properly.

He was tempted to call for Brainy's help, see if his friend could solve their problem, but he didn't. Partly because he wasn't in the mood for company and partly because he'd promised he would handle it on his own. The past couple of days he'd been keeping his distance, and he knew that Imra had noticed, but every day he spent in this world, in Kara's world, he was pushed closer to his limits. Every day it got harder to keep himself in line, being around Kara and fighting alongside her and then going back to working with Querl and Imra, like nothing had changed, like they hadn't crashed a thousand years back from the time he'd learned to call home.

And then, there was another thing. Even if they managed to get the ship ready for the trip back to the 31st century within the next couple of days, he couldn't leave. The Legion couldn't leave. Not until Reign was defeated, not until he saw Kara come out of that war victorious and had absolutely no need of the extra help. Granted, she hadn't died the day she was supposed to, the future was already altered, but who could tell him Kara wouldn't get hurt again? Who could tell him she was safe now? So he was brought back to the initial problem, the fact that whether he liked it or not, he'd be spending more time with Kara and he had to figure out how to deal with it.

The sun had set already, dinner had passed by and he'd missed it, but it didn't matter. He was determined, stubborn even, to finish his task before he went to sleep. If that meant he'd have to stay up for days, he'd do it, he didn't care. Plus, it would be a reasonable excuse to hide away in the ship and avoid everyone, especially Kara.

"I gather it's not going too well." Imra marched in, interrupting his thoughts. Mon-El didn't lift his head to look at her until she stood right beside him. "Did you get the battery working?" She asked.

"No but I'm handling it," he replied, his tone annoyed and defensive.

"Okay," she nodded. "Did you try recalibrating it?"

"Yes, Imra, I am handling it," he emphasized, edging on anger now.

"I am not be your 12th level intellect Mon-El, but I'm sharp," Imra spat at him, her eyes painted an icy blue. "I'm not trying to outsmart you here, I'm only trying to help." With squared shoulders and a harsh voice she dared him to take it farther, to turn the tables on her.

At that Mon-El softened. "Imra, please don't do this," he pleaded quietly.

In response Imra shook her head. "I'm not doing anything Mon-El, you're the one who can't handle a simple question."

Mon-El stood and faced his wife, their eyes having a fight of their own, outside the verbal one. He stared at her, not saying anything, just trying to read her. There were so many things flashing across her face, but it was anger mostly, anger aimed at him.

"I'm not doing this with you," he said, beyond frustrated himself, and turned to leave. He didn't know where this fight could lead if he stayed. He wasn't in the mood to be patient or to hold back, and it was quite obvious Imra wasn't either.

"So what, is this how it's gonna be from now on?" Imra kept pushing, her temper getting the best of her. "You're going to distance yourself from me more and more and I'm going to pretend not to notice? I do notice Mon-El!"

Taking a deep breath Mon-El glanced upwards, his head turned to Imra although his body faced the other way. "What do you want me to do? I told you I'm not okay with this, I told you being here is hard. It's not my fault that you don't understand but I am trying to suppress it all, I'm trying to forget how difficult this is. Why won't you let me?"

"Because what you're doing is not dealing Mon-El, you're shutting me out, you're distancing yourself. I can't let you do that, you're not alone in this anymore, I'm here too, this affects me too." Imra mixed accusations and complaints into one, reminders and heartbreak intertwined, trying to show him she wasn't just angry, she was hurt. And most of all she was afraid, because he'd been slipping away and she didn't know how to stop it.

Mon-El breathed out, his shoulders relaxing, his face softening. He'd always been good at reading behind her lines, at hearing what she didn't say. "Give me some time," he requested. He walked closer to Imra and cupped her cheek with his palm. "I'm sorry for hurting you but I need some time to figure this out." He kissed her on the forehead, hearing her sigh, and when their eyes met and he noticed the unshed tears in her blue spheres, all his frustration melted away. "Come here," he whispered, sad and guilty, pulling her close and holding tight, partly to reassure Imra of his presence and partly because he needed to feel her, to feel her warmth, to ground himself. He needed a reminder that this was what he had now, and this was good, this was enough. Complicated feelings aside, he did love her, that much he knew.

"I do understand, you know," Imra whispered, the sound muffled against Mon-El's shoulder. "I just, I don't want to lose you."

"You're not gonna lose me," he assured. "This is more difficult than anything I could've fathomed, but we will work through it, okay?"

"Okay," she agreed with a small nod. Their eyes locked again but this time it was silent, it was calm. No words were exchanged through their gazes, they were just looking at each other, simple as that. "I just have one question," Imra added after a brief pause.

Mon-El nodded for her to speak.

Taking a breath, she did. "Are you still in love with Kara?" She asked. She took a step back before Mon-El had time to answer, and waited patiently, knowing a simple 'yes' or 'no' from him right then had the power to turn her life upside down.

At the question, Mon-El's lips parted. His brows furrowed and his heart pounded inside his chest, knocking at his ribcage, threatening to tear him apart from the inside out. The answer he was expected to give wasn't something that hadn't already bothered him. He thought about it all the time, every day, since he first saw Kara on the ship, all strong and powerful and absolutely beautiful. He'd lost sleep over it, had lost his mind over it, yet he hadn't figured it out. Perhaps because he didn't know, or because he was afraid to know. He wasn't sure.

Seconds ticked by and to Mon-El each one felt like eternity. Agonizing was the silence he allowed to spread, Imra's question nagging at him, his own heartbeat echoing in his ears. He couldn't just blurt something out to ease Imra's worries, nor could he lie his way out of this, but the truth wasn't a simple 'yes' or 'no'. The truth was more complicated than that. Did he love Kara? Of course he did, he never stopped. And no matter how many years passed, how many worlds away he lived, he didn't think there would come a day when he could say he didn't love her. Kara was something he couldn't shake, a piece of his own that had been engraved upon his heart and it was impossible to be erased. Kara was everywhere in him, she had shaped the very person he had grown to be. So yes, he loved her, undoubtedly and eternally. But was he in love with her? Did he still feel that passion, that fervor, that need, that desperation? He wasn't sure. Or to phrase it in a better, more accurate way, he wasn't sure whether he had gotten over her or had just taught himself how to survive without her. The need and the desperation to have Kara, to love her, to be given love by her, had always been there. And in a perfect world, in his most illogical of dreams, he chose _her_ , over everything, over everyone. In his perfect world it was him and Kara and a life without complications. But that wasn't reality. In reality he'd tried to let go of her (even though he failed every time). In reality he lived in a different timeline and had a wife. In reality he'd learned to accept what he had and not yearn what he'd lost. So he didn't know, if he'd shut off that part of him that had been wholeheartedly and irrevocably in love with Kara, or if that part had just dissolved with time.

 _Am I still in love with her?_ He asked himself, one more time, one _last_ time. The answer still didn't come. The truth was still a mess of contradictions, still a war raging inside of him.

"I don't know," he said at last, his tone ambivalent. His eyes glistened, his mouth was set in a straight line, his face a depiction of his torn heart. He looked at Imra and he wanted to scream. Because she looked hurt and he had never wanted to hurt her. And yet he couldn't tell her what she wanted to hear. Because essentially lying to her would hurt her more, and he didn't want to be that kind of person, he didn't want to give her false hope, not when he had none himself.


	7. Chapter 7

Kara paced Alex's kitchen, walking back and forth in a straight line, never straying away or pausing. She mumbled incoherent things to herself, half plans and lacking facts, her head a mess of ideas and theories. Alex hadn't returned home yet, having pulled an all-nighter at the DEO, yet Kara had let herself in and gotten comfortable, so to speak,  since she hadn't been able to stay still for more than a minute. Her encounter with Reign the previous day had left her with so many questions, but at the same time it had given her hope.

She had learned two facts about her enemy; 1) Reign was affected by kryptonite. Perhaps not in the way Kara was but still. And 2) Reign was not just a beast. Beneath the mask, underneath the bloodlust, there was a person imprisoned in their own head. That was exactly what complicated things, what had sent Kara into a frenzy. If there was the slightest possibility of a woman hiding behind Reign's façade, Kara couldn't just take her out, she couldn't kill her. No matter how dangerous she was, how much destruction she had caused, killing her was a line Kara would never be willing to cross. Because if she did, then what would separate the two? What would be keeping her from becoming the very monster she was trying to save the world from?

She fixed her glasses atop her nose and chewed on her bottom lip, her nerves untamable. She didn't know why she was still wearing her glasses, considering they didn't match the suit that clad her figure, but she was glad she had something to busy her twitching fingers with. The sun outside was on a rising path, spinning the Earth around so that it wouldn't eclipse it. Slowly, the world obeyed, letting the flaming planet cast its light upon the waking city, allowing it to stretch further into the speckled sky. Another morning approached, another day beginning, and Kara hadn't had a second of sleep. Her head was restless, full, loud, and the bed she had layed on too cold to be comfortable. She was still learning how to sleep with an empty space beside her instead of a second body. She was still learning how to live without him.

But that wasn't her current problem. _He_ wasn't her current problem. Reign was. Reign and the danger looming over Kara just because of the first's existence. She hated that she appeared so weak in front of that particular enemy. She hated that after saving the world a couple times, plus helping to save another world just as many, she was useless in the face of that threat. She didn't have a plan, couldn't figure out one either, and she wasn't strong enough to cover up for it. She'd almost died because she'd been reckless and thoughtless and much too self-assured—the last one surfacing as a remnant of her dead homeland. For once, shutting off her human side had actually proven to be a mistake. For once, embracing her true origin and being Kryptonian had hurt her, had brought her to Hade's doorstep. She couldn't let that happen again, but what was she supposed to do? How was she supposed to beat Reign when the latter always caught her by surprise, always manifested more strength while Kara could barely keep up?

To say that Kara was angry would be an understatement. Her hands balled into fists, her lips pursed into a thin line, and she continued her pacing. With a swift flick of her wrist, she threw her glasses onto Alex's coffee table and when she heard them tumbling to the floor, she didn't even bother checking to see if they had broken. She didn't care enough to.

The door opened with a soft click that echoed within the silent room. Alex stepped in wearily, her eyes dulled with fatigue, her movements slowed down by the lack of sleep. When she saw Kara she didn't make any sign of acknowledgment, as if having a worked-up alien in her house at the crack of dawn was common occurrence. Instead she abandoned her things on the couch, collapsing on it and resting her head on its arm afterwards. She closed her eyes for a brief second, the blonde's shuffling and huffing almost lulling her to sleep, and groaned because she couldn't do just that. She had to talk to Kara, calm her down first, before she could slide into the bed which was so seductively calling her name.

Alex released a sigh. "Please tell me you brought breakfast at least. I can't deal with this if my stomach is growling louder than you are."

Kara didn't even spare her sister a glance. "On the counter," she mumbled.

Alex dragged her feet to the paper bags placed right where Kara had said. For a moment she wondered how the blonde had managed to find anything open at that hour to buy food, but then she smelled the contents and she decided she didn't care. Her hunger was greater than her curiosity.

Just as the redhead took her first bite and moaned quietly  at the taste, Kara spoke again. "I made coffee too," she said.

Minutes of silence followed after that brief conversation, Kara slowly coming down from her rage-fuelled high while Alex granted her sister with time to do just that. She knew that when Kara was ready to talk she would.

"I just don't know what to do," Kara said, as if on cue.

"About what?" Alex asked.

"About Reign. I don't know how to beat her. In fact, I don't even know if I'm supposed to beat her."

Alex cocked an eyebrow at that. "And what are you supposed to do? Let her terrorize the city and kill whoever she thinks deserves it?" She argued.

"What? No, of course not!" Kara turned to look at her sister, stalling for a second before her shoulders relaxed with a sigh and she came to sit across from Alex. "I just," she pushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "I saw something yesterday, when Psi had Reign overpowered."

"What did you see?" Alex questioned.

"Her eyes," Kara replied simply. "Her eyes changed color for a moment, she looked lost and terrified, I saw it." Blue eyes blinked repeatedly as she tried to make sense of what she had encountered. "She looked human for a moment," the blonde finished and a shiver passed through her at the memory.

"What are you saying, Kara?"

Kara placed her arms on the counter and lowered her head atop them, hiding her face from view. "I'm saying that Reign might not be just a Worldkiller. There might be someone else behind the mask, someone who needs help."

Alex snorted at that, her eyes rolling. "Only you could do that," she said. "Only you would try to find a silver lining like this. You're just too good, Kara."

Kara raised her head, her gaze dead serious, piercing its way to Alex's face. "It's not like that," she stated, her tone flat and heavy.

Alex licked her lips, biting back the harsh comment she was about to respond with. A fight with Kara was the last thing she wanted, especially when that consisted of hurting the blonde's feelings. "What if it is?" She asked instead. "What if you get hurt again because of your inability to accept that some people are just bad?"

Kara huffed, her nails digging into her palm hard enough she was certain she would have drawn blood hadn't she been an alien with impenetrable skin. "I'm not a naive little girl, Alex. I know what I saw."

The older sister shook her head. "I didn't say you were," she said calmly, opposed to Kara's obvious anger.

The alien quirked a brow. "Really?" She antagonized.

"Look," Alex reached out and squeezed her sister's arm. "It's not that I don't want to believe you, I just," she paused to take a deep breath, to put her words in the right order. "I'm scared," she confessed, a thumb stroking across Kara's skin. "I'm scared that while you're hoping for the best the worst will happen and you won't be prepared for it. I'm scared that she'll hurt you again."

"Alex," Kara began but she was cut off by a shaking head.

"I can't lose you, Kara. I have to protect you. I have to look out for the things you might not see, because that's what I do, that's what big sisters do."

The blonde softened at the words, her anger fading into understanding. It shouldn't be a surprise, Alex had always been like that; cautious and protective even though Kara was literally invulnerable. "Just hear me out," the blonde requested. "Don't immediately dismiss my thoughts because you don't agree with them. I might be right but we won't even know if we fire our guns first and ask questions later."

"You're right," Alex nodded. "Sorry," she muttered. A yawn escaped her mouth then, wide and loud, and made them both release a breathy laugh.

"Come here," Kara said, standing up. She walked to Alex and gave her a hug, squeezing a little too much although her sleepy sister didn't complain. "Go to sleep," she prompted and pushed Alex gently.

After the redhead stumbled to her bed, Kara gathered her things and headed for the balcony. The time had passed and she knew sleep wasn't something she would be getting today, but a shower and a change of clothes were definitely needed.

* * *

 

Standing in the command room at the DEO, once again dressed in her suit, once again the problem named Reign pestering her, Kara looked around at the people she worked with. The atmosphere was charged with tension, the circle they formed tight and chaotic with raised voices and a bunch of different opinions who popped up one after the other. They'd all been arguing for the better part of the last hour, trying to agree on the plan Kara had failed to come up with earlier in the morning. J'onn favored caution while Alex favored her guns, Kara stuck with the whole saving-the-woman-behind-Reign's-mask thing, and Winn was vainly trying to find a point somewhere in-between. It was a disaster, the whole scene, and while Reign was out there, planning her next move, her next attack, Kara stood at the DEO, still clueless, still angry, still two steps behind her enemy.

"Stop!" The superhero yelled, finally reaching her breaking point. "All of you, just stop!" She demanded. She was so tired, so furious, and she couldn't bear another minute of that back and forth where nobody agreed and nobody knew what to do. She was met with widened eyes, with shocked expressions, but she didn't bat an eyelash at her own out-of-character exclaim. She just rubbed her temples, feeling a headache approaching, and exhaled deeply once everyone fell silent. "We can't do this," she spoke again, this time much calmer. "I know you're all on edge because of what Reign did to me, and because she got away from us the last time we faced her, but we can't rush this. We can't prepare for the final battle like we've figured out how to beat her and now our only problem is what to do with her. We have to think our way through this."

"You're right," J'onn agreed. "The point is not ending her, the point is stopping her from attacking the city and hurting more people."

"Yeah, but how?" Winn asked. "If she can win in a fight against Supergirl there's nobody else strong enough to bring her down."

"What if I ask for Superman's help?" Kara suggested, perking up now that the conversation had taken a different route.

"To do what? If she sees she's outnumbered she'll disappear like yesterday when Psi got to her." Alex argued.

"But what if we caught her by surprise yesterday, showing up all together? What if next time she comes with back up too?" Mon-El joined in, suddenly appearing with Imra walking not too far behind him.

Kara raised a brow at him, he actually had a point. "What are you saying?" She wondered.

Mon-El looked straight at her. "I'm saying that she caught you unprepared on your first encounter and there's a chance she might do it again. You're wasting your time trying to figure out who she is and what she is when you should be focusing on what she does. You've seen her powers, her strength, find a way to turn it around on her. You're pretty similar, think of your weaknesses to figure out hers. And if another one like her shows up, you'll already know how to handle them."

Kara stared at him, her mind racing, her thoughts a spinning mess. Mon-El wasn't wrong, she could definitely form a plan based on his way of thinking. "When did you get so smart?" She asked him, feigning shock even though she was actually surprised. Pleasantly so.

Mon-El's lips curved upwards for a moment, his eyes flickering with amusement. He shrugged his shoulders in response. "I've had my fair share of fights with hybrids," he elaborated.

"Can we count on you about this?" Kara asked him, her gaze moving to Imra, acknowledging her for the first time, wanting to make it clear that the question was directed to both of them this time.

"Yes," Imra said right away.

"Of course you can," Mon-El added, after he heard his wife's response. "We want to help you."

Kara nodded, glancing at J'onn and Alex only to see them doing the same.

"Well if you want to help, how about you tell us about those hybrids you said you've fought?" Alex spoke next, turning Mon-El's attention to her instead of Kara.

The blonde breathed in relief, only allowing herself to feel overwhelmed by him for one second, before she focused back on the problem at hand. After all, she didn't have time for that, for being Kara, now she was Supergirl.

* * *

 

It was later in the day when she sought him out. She found him on the roof, sitting on the ledge, his legs hanging off into the void. She found him with his head lowered, the city lights illuminating his face and casting shadows around his figure. She found him quiet and alone, breathing steadily, murmuring words to himself, in a language that sounded a lot like her mother tongue but had its obvious differences too. She found him and she couldn't look away, couldn't walk back, couldn't leave him. His heartbeat had lead her to him, the familiar flatter holding the same rhythm, the same comfort she remembered. It was a habit she knew she had to break but couldn't get herself to, it felt awfully lonely when she shut him out. So she approached slowly, her steps quiet and light, and she sat beside him, a safe distance stretched between them.

"There's a song," Mon-El began, his voice a nice distraction from the wheezing of the wind. "I can almost remember it, if I could just hear one note-" he paused and tapped his fingers along with the melody playing inside his head. "It's in the tip of my mouth, I just need one note," he sighed and continued his murmuring, still trying to will the faded memory back.

Kara didn't turn her head to look at him. "I get that too sometimes," she spoke. "Some words come back, out of order and harmony, and I spend the whole day trying to remember but I never do."

She'd carried a bottle of wine while she'd looked for him—a man had offered it to her after she stopped an attempted robbery in his store, and she hadn't had the heart to decline. How could she say no to a pair of grateful eyes that had nothing of value to gift her but still needed to show their gratitude? Kara had let the old man pull her into a quick hug, although she usually averted from such gestures nowadays, and as he scrambled for a fitting present, she'd looked at the bottle and joked about craving some french rosé. He'd smiled kindly at her and told her that one was the best, although they both knew it was just some cheap liquor that could hardly measure up. So Kara had flown away with a bottle of wine she didn't care about drinking. It wasn't like it could affect her anyway. But nevertheless, she'd accepted it, she couldn't not to. Thus she placed it in the space between her and Mon-El, not knowing what else to do with it, and crossed her legs.

The wind blew her hair away from her face and Kara closed her eyes at the feeling. Mon-El kept murmuring, kept tapping his fingers, kept searching for something he'd lost long ago. And Kara didn't speak, didn't interrupt him. But after a few minutes, after the silence grew heavier even though neither of the two were to blame for that, she grabbed the bottle and opened it. She took a sip, swallowed, and licked her lips afterwards. And then, without a word, she stretched her arm and offered it to the man sitting next to her, the man she'd missed enough to make her wish that just this once wine could actually get her drunk.

"I'm sorry you got stuck here," Kara said, her gaze sparkling like the view she was looking at. "I'm sorry you can't get back home."

Hearing the words, Mon-El froze. He gripped the bottle he'd accepted from Kara in his hand, careful not to shatter it, and gulped. "It's not so bad here," he took a sip, "I actually missed it."

"Really?" The blonde wondered.

"Yeah," Mon-El breathed out. "The lights, the music, the simplicity, all of it. I forgot how nice it is. I'm glad I get to have another glimpse of this world before I go back to the future,  it's all different there."

"I suppose." Kara agreed with a nod. She couldn't really understand what Mon-El was talking about, nor could she ask him about it, because she knew he couldn't say much without causing unwanted problems. So she just listened and she cherished those short moments that he spoke, solely to her, uninterrupted and breathy. She soaked up the feeling inside of her that he brought around, the one she knew she would have to cling to after he was gone again. And she noticed how he talked about going back, with such certainty, such unwavering acknowledgment of the fact. She noticed and it hurt. Not because she hadn't known already, but perhaps she had let a tiny part of herself believe that somehow there was still hope for them, someway she would get to keep him. But his words had taken that hope and crashed it, and her heart couldn't break, because it hadn't been whole to begin with, but it still ached with a wish that couldn't be fulfilled.

"How are you?" Mon-El asked, glancing at Kara, watching her features as she prepared an answer.

She contemplated lying, muttering the same old 'I'm fine' she'd been giving everyone those last seven months. Yet she found it hard to. She didn't want to lie this time, not to Mon-El. "I'm tired," Kara said at last.

Mon-El nodded. "I know the feeling," he brought the bottle to his mouth again, taking a slow sip, before passing it back to the blonde.

Something about the way he had said it made Kara frown. The sadness in his tone, the defeat in his voice, the weight of his words, everything hit her hard. She'd never seen him like that, he had never carried such sorrow during the time that she had known him. Kara's chest tightened with guilt and blame. She found Mon-El's eyes and she felt her throat closing up. "I'm sorry I sent you away," she choked out, the emotions thick and pressing.

"Don't," Mon-El said without missing a beat. He shook his head. "It's not your fault. Nothing about what happened to me is your fault."

"I feel like it is," Kara opposed, her gaze shiny and wet and glued on Mon-El's face without a hint of shame. She wasn't embarrassed that she stared, that she needed to take his image in to sooth the ache inside of her. She wasn't embarrassed that she needed him.  For that Kara couldn't bring herself to apologize, yet for everything else she thought that she had to.

"It's not," Mon-El persisted again, his voice steady and firm. "You did the right thing, I would never blame you for that."

"I wish that you did, I-" Kara gripped the hem of her skirt, the tips of her fingers turning white. "I can't forgive myself for what I did to you. I should've chosen you, I should've found another way." She didn't cry, although she wanted to, and she didn't look away, for she didn't care about hiding. Whatever she said, whatever she showed, she needed him to know it, to understand that he'd been worth it despite her actions. She needed him to understand that she had loved him more than the fact that she had waited until the last minute to let him know.

Mon-El reached out, using a hand to ease Kara's own out of its tight fist, and he laced their fingers together. It was the first time in days they had liberally touched. Mon-El might have been the one who initiated the contact but Kara didn't shy away from it. She looked at their joined hands and let the tension melt away from her shoulders. For a minute she allowed him to comfort her. For a minute she allowed herself to accept it. For a minute it was the two of them, alone and together, without the distance, without the heartbreak.

"I don't want you to blame yourself," Mon-El said pointedly. He stroked his thumb across Kara's skin, a gesture so habitual, so familiar, and he resisted the urge to tuck a blonde lock behind her ear. "I'm fine, I found friends and a new life, and I wouldn't have any of that if it weren't for you. You saved me."

Kara blinked, her eyelids heavy. "Okay," she agreed in a whisper and shallowed back everything else she wanted to say. She wanted to tell him that he had had friends and a new life before, and he had had love too, he had had _her_. She wanted to tell him that he'd found nothing more in the 31st century that he hadn't already had in the 21st. She wanted to tell him that he could stay back, that he hadn't missed much, they could continue where they had left off. But then she realized she had no right to. Like he'd just said, he had a new life, and no matter how much it pained her to think about, she wasn't a part of it. She wasn't his friend, nor his partner, nor his girlfriend. She was his nothing. And she couldn't even blame him. Because it'd been too long for him, seven years, and it made sense that he'd moved on. It wasn't his fault that she hadn't. It wasn't his fault that it'd only been seven months for her and she hadn't healed yet, hadn't moved past him yet. It wasn't his fault.

"Okay," Kara said again, pulling her hand away from Mon-El's grasp. She shuffled to her feet, blinking rapidly as she pushed her hair away from her face. The tears gathered in her eyes and she turned her head away from him. This time she _was_ hiding. This time she _was_ embarrassed. "I'll see you tomorrow," she mumbled and hurried away. With a shaky jumb she threw herself in the air, flying high, and didn't bother looking back. She knew she'd left him too abruptly, had left their conversation unfinished, but she couldn't stay any longer. She really couldn't.

All Kara felt at the moment was an intense sense of deja vu. Like she had just lost Mon-El again. Like she had just gotten her heart broken again. And it hurt. That was all. That was everything. The hurt.


	8. Chapter 8

Dawn bled into the night sky, a flicker of light breaking through the darkness, silently, slowly, lazily. It spread in hues of blue and red, much like _her_ suit, and painted the sleeping world a different color. Mon-El watched from a window, his eyes tired and shadowed. As expected, he hadn't gotten much sleep before he rolled out of bed, his hair soaked with sweat, his breath coming out choked. After years of having them, he'd gotten used to the night terrors slipping into his dreams, they didn't really scare him anymore. However, he still shot up in bed with a racing heart inside his chest.

With a quick glance behind his back at Imra's curled up figure, Mon-El left his seat and padded out of the room. Usually, after a nightmare, he'd shuffle closer to her, reaching for her warm body and her familiar scent. He'd bury his nose in her hair and hold her tightly against him. It'd never been enough to lull him back to sleep, but at least it'd calm him down. This time though, he didn't stay, he didn't seek her out. He knew she wouldn't be enough, he knew because his fingers reached for someone else.

The truth was, Mon-El didn't want to be like that, to have a heart divided and picking sides. He didn't want to compare them. But he also couldn't help it. It just happened. He couldn't not think about how Kara would've woken up at the first sound of distress coming out of his mouth, opposed to Imra who had always been a heavy sleeper and rarely felt him struggle inside his own dreams. He couldn't not think about all the nights Kara had been the one to shush him and hold him instead of him having to ask for it. It wasn't that he'd ever been denied comfort, the few times he had needed it, but with Kara he'd never had to search for it, because he'd been offered it before his mouth could even utter a word.

Shaking his head, Mon-El found his way out of the ship. His pestering thoughts followed him, as if he had a shadow mimicking his every move. But he didn't want to think right now. He didn't want to think of _her_. Because doing so brought him back to the previous night, to their conversation, to the way she'd flown away from him with a choked out farewell. He'd hurt her, he knew, but he didn't know how not to at that point. His mere existence was an obstacle to her own nowadays. And the pain was inevitable.

Inside his chest, he felt that very pain. But he also felt the magnet, that strong pull that drew him to Kara like he'd been chained to her. He couldn't go far, couldn't escape her hold, she always snatched him back in his proper place. Sometimes it felt like she held him prisoner, he was forced to crash into her time and time again, but then he remembered that it wasn't her, it was him. He was the one who couldn't let her go. He was the one who stumbled his way through seven years with her necklace around his neck, with her voice echoing inside his head. So come to think of it, if someone was to blame that'd be Mon-El himself, because he refused to set himself free.

Perhaps in his loveless delirium, in his loss-driven paranoia, there had been a point where he'd blamed Kara, and then he realized what he'd done so he'd started punishing himself. Maybe that was why he always circled around her, why he'd gone back to save her, why he'd followed her in her fights, why he'd even visited her in her loft, in the place that held most of their history, therefore most of their pain. Maybe he felt like he needed to relive the past, go back to every moment they'd shared and feel every ounce of heartache he ought to feel. Because he'd hurt her, and he'd blamed her, and at the bottom line, he had left her. Yes, he knew that it hadn't been his choice, not entirely, but wasn't he the one who had told Kara to push that button, to choose the world over her heart? Wasn't he the one who had crashed back into her life only to cause her further sorrow?

With a deep breath, Mon-El catapulted into the freezing air, a lone silhouette becoming one with the heavy darkness. His black clothes prevented him from standing out, from being noticed by possible watchful eyes. He broke through the faint clouds, crossed the city from one border to another, and then as he couldn't stop himself, he flew by Kara's loft. He hadn't intended to, hadn't even realized where he'd been going until it was too late, but when he was close enough he stalled and threw a quick glance inside. He didn't have Kara's x-ray vision, couldn't see through the walls and the covered windows, but he knew if he really wanted to he could hear her. He could eavesdrop and find every little sound she made, he could recognize her patterns. But he didn't want to, or rather he felt like he shouldn't want to. She wasn't his anymore, he shouldn't chase the very flatter of her heart.

So Mon-El flew away. He distanced himself like he should have from the start. He took a route leading him straight to the DEO facilities and landed on the roof with a soft thud. He knew nobody would deny him entrance, he could just use the door like everyone else, yet some habits were hard to break it seemed. Mon-El used an opening he'd found in his early days in the DEO, seven long years ago, the loose hatch of which he would slip through when he wanted to escape for a little while but wasn't allowed to. This time he used it to sneak in even though that defied its purpose. He quietly crossed the top floor and stepped down the staircase till he found the training area. He could have gone to the gym but that was on a lower level and he knew he'd be spotted there. Not that he didn't want to, but he'd rather avoid it for another hour or two. He needed some time to be alone, to dive into the silence and shut out everything past it.

Once inside and behind a closed door, Mon-El scanned the room with his eyes, contemplating on what to do first. His eyes landed on a brick wall and without another moment of hesitation, he ran head first into it, his hands balled up in fists and ready to tear it down. He crashed through it with minimum resistance and watched it collapse as if it'd weighed nothing. He punched and kicked and groaned until he was the only one standing, the floor littered with rubble.

Mon-El clenched his fists, his jaw, as he felt adrenaline fill his veins and make them pop out. He breathed heavily, but not because that little stunt had affected him. He stood still as he felt his eyes burning, he hadn't felt that in quite a while, and a second later his heat vision tore a crack through another wall. Finally, he relaxed, a small grin tagging the corners of his mouth upwards.

Kara walked in just in time to see Mon-El kicking a hole through a cement block. Her eyes widened slightly, her lips parting in surprise. "J'onn said I'd find you here," she said, making her presence known.

At the sound of her voice Mon-El immediately stopped and retracted. He turned to look at her. "You were looking for me?" he asked, dusting off his pants.

Kara shrugged a shoulder. "I wanted to apologize for last night, I shouldn't have left like that," she replied, shifting her weight from one foot to another.

Mon-El's head moved in a disbelieving motion, his brows raising in surprise. "It's okay," he smiled and approached the blonde. He didn't mind what had happened, he knew it wasn't Kara's fault. The tension between them was palpable, like always, but he ignored it, the awkwardness growing louder with every step he took.

As soon as he was close enough Kara stretched a hand and offered him her cup of coffee. It was something so normal, so mindless for her, but again Mon-El was surprised. She didn't think about it before she did it, it just happened, but the blonde quickly realized she should be more mindful of those thoughtless acts. Sometimes she could get lost like that, forgetting the distance that separated them, the feelings that weren't there anymore. She'd forgo the boundaries she was supposed to have set, the rules she was supposed to follow with him now.

Still, Mon-El looked puzzled. "But it's yours," he said, looking at the offered cup.

"It's my second," Kara dismissed his hesitation and pushed it just an inch forward, insisting without having to utter another word.

"Thanks," Mon-El finally took it, his shoulders relaxing in a second when the blonde smiled at him once more.

Kara glanced around, adjusting the glasses atop her nose. "Did I interrupt your training?" she asked.

Mon-El shook his head in a negative manner. "I was just passing the time, I couldn't sleep," he explained, "But if you need to train I can go," he offered.

Kara thought for a second, a crinkle forming between her eyes. "You could train with me," she suggested, a little hesitant, her voice not too strong as she was testing the waters with her words. She watched Mon-El take a sip from his drink, then he observed the place, and finally he nodded in agreement.

"Sounds good," he affirmed.

"Great, just give me a minute to change," Kara ran out only to appear again seconds later, in the same spot, with her hair down and her glasses gone, her suit cladding her figure instead of the pastel-colored dress she'd been previously wearing.

"That was hardly a minute," Mon-El commented with a chuckle, the whole scene affecting him in a way he'd sooner not think about. Still, a memory pinched at his heart and made him feel homesick for a moment.

Kara tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Yeah, well..." she trailed off. She span in a circle slowly, eying the place, noticing the ruins Mon-El had left in his wake. "You haven't left much for me to do," she said and gestured around.

"Sorry," Mon-El mumbled, suddenly embarrassed.

The familiar awkwardness tugged at them again, like a blinking neon light floating between them. A brief silence followed where they avoided each other's gazes and they didn't know what to do with themselves. The longer it dragged out the more their unease grew.

"You still haven't showed me that move you do with your elbow," Kara spoke, finally gathering the courage. She'd come to accept that in this new dynamic they'd been trying to establish she would always have to be the one to take the first step. Mon-El favored the silence, got lost in it, so she had to drag him along sometimes. Otherwise nothing would change between them, he'd never push himself out of that unaltered state where no words were exchanged and no progress was made.

At her prompting, Mon-El seemed to perk up a bit. His face relaxed as a mischievous grin stretched his lips. Kara watched him, catching the glint in his eyes, preparing for the unexpected. It didn't matter how much time had passed, she could still recognize his telltales. So when he dived forward, she ducked to the side, avoiding his elbow by a slide. A giggle slipped from her mouth at his failed attempt at getting her, and she pivoted to find his eyes again. Just as she did so, Mon-El lifted a knee to her stomach, stopping just before he actually touched her. She hadn't seen that coming but her smile didn't waver, she only arched an eyebrow and contemplated her response.

"You've become sneakier," she said, throwing a punch that Mon-El easily avoided.

"I've been practicing," he replied, attempting to kick Kara's feet off balance.

They took turns «attacking», dancing around each other, sizing each other up before they made a move. Truth be told, Mon-El landed a lot more hits than Kara did, although he always made sure every time he actually touched her it'd only feel like a caress to her skin. Kara tried to cheat, tried to gain advantage through her extra powers, but she'd forgotten Mon-El could fly too now, and his speed almost matched hers as well.

"I can see what you're doing," Mon-El accused playfully amidst their fight.

"All is fair in love and war," she roared in response, landing a foot between Mon-El's shoulder blades at the one lucky moment she caught him on the ground as she floated a little higher in the air.

Mon-El fell to his knees and let out a pained sound that imediately had the blonde faltering and falling to her feet. She frowned when he didn't get up right away and for a second she got genuinely worried, thinking that she'd somehow hurt him without realizing. Tentatively, Kara placed a hand on Mon-El's shoulder, trying to figure out where she'd hit him. Then without warming, Mon-El turned and used both hands to pin her down, her back thudding as it crashed to the floor.

"Gotcha," he smiled triumphantly, a proud look crossing his face.

Kara gasped in response. "You little..." she started but cut herself off with a sudden laugh. She was in no position to act offended, after all, she'd been the one who had cheated first.

"All is fair in love and war didn't you say?" Mon-El mocked her, good-natured and trying too hard to appear innocent. He released her arms then, stood on his feet, and offered a hand to help her up as well.

They stood facing other again, little grins tickling their lips, held back but barely, as their eyes held a competition of their own. It felt weird but it also felt good, to exist in the same place and not be afraid of the fact. They joked, they fought, they smiled, they talked, they soaked each other's presence up, relieved of that void, of that loss, they'd had to shoulder for so long.

Mon-El licked his lips, looking away from Kara only to distract her and attack when she was least expecting it. She didn't fall for it though, instead narrowing her eyes at him, so he opted to change his tactics. "You know, you don't have to do that," he pointed out, gesturing to the way Kara was favoring her shoulder as she prepared to avoid a hit. He hadn't really swung at her that hard, still trying to figure her out, to learn her moves, the way her mind worked when facing an enemy.

Kara stalled, her arms falling to her sides when Mon-El retracted. "Do what?" she questioned.

Mon-El pinched the bridge of his nose, struggling to find the least offensive way to voice his thoughts without causing Kara to scoff—which she probably would anyway. "You don't have to protect your most vulnerable spots when you're fighting," he explained, "You're not human."

Kara shot him a puzzled look.

"You're not going to break, so when you're fighting with someone don't step back every time you think they're going to lay a good hit on you. Stall in the beginning, watch how they swing, how they're bouncing on their feet. Learn your opponent. Confuse them so that they will underestimate your skills, and when they think they've got the upper hand, then strike. All you need is half a minute to figure them out and the element of surprise. If you use those there's no way anyone can beat you as easily as Reign did. You're too strong and too smart for that," he told her, and even though Kara hadn't asked for advice, perhaps she didn't even want his help in the first place, Mon-El still offered it. He'd been watching her too closely as they trained, and while he'd been impressed with how much better she could handle herself in comparison to his fading reminiscences of her, he could still spot her weaknesses. It looked like her fight with Reign had affected Kara's confidence. The fact that she'd actually gotten hurt had made her too careful, too insecure. And that left her more vulnerable than she could afford.

The blonde contemplated Mon-El's words, recognizing the truth in them. Her initial reaction had been an urge to snap and tell him he knew nothing about her anymore, about the battles she'd fought and won, but when she saw him adapting into a more guarded stance, when she noticed that was exactly the kind of reaction he was expecting from her, she stopped herself. She told herself that this time he did know what he was talking about, he had cared enough to watch her and notice her, he wasn't just saying things to plant doubt in her head about her own abilities. She could see the protectiveness behind his words, something he had always demonstrated strongly whenever she was in real danger, but this new Mon-El had learned how to remind her to be cautious without trying to hold her back. He'd learned how to offer targeted advice and solid compliments, knowing how to be helpful in the exact way she was in need of.

At last, Kara nodded and smiled at Mon-El, putting them both at ease. "Thanks for this," she said, "you've been really helpful lately."

"Anytime," Mon-El answered with a kind of warmth in his voice that told Kara he meant it.

"I know things have been awkward between us lately, but I'm really happy you're back, even if it's only for a little while."

"That's good to hear," Mon-El said.

With that Kara's lips stretched a little wider, her eyes sparkled a little brighter, her heart felt a little lighter. Although, the truth was, that no matter how easily they interacted, how quick they were to fall back into old habits, it still hurt to be near him. It hurt to talk to him and be mindful of every word, to see him and not be able to run to him for a tight hug or a quick kiss, to always wonder what it'd be like if she had never sent him away. It was so hard to live with an almost, with a not-enough. Especially when she could remember every moment when she had _all_ of him, every second that he'd given her everything and then some more, with a reckless abandon, with a fervorous adoration that she could see hints of but couldn't have anymore. It hurt because she had gone from everything to nothing and now that he was back, now that the pain and the loss weren't so consuming, she wanted to go back, she wanted _more_.

* * *

 

Kara walked into the CatCo building with a quick stride and her suit hidden. Her hair was pulled back in a bun that rested low at the nape of her neck. She crossed the space, deserted desks on either of her sides, and she headed straight for the main office. It was past seven in the evening, most of her colleagues had gone home for the day, but she knew there was one woman who had the tendency to stay behind. And that was why Kara had come back, because she knew Lena would most likely still be at the office, buried in paperwork.

With a light knock on the open door the blonde approached her friend. "Do you ever go home?" she joked. "Do you even have a home?" She placed a dossier on the desk and grinned when Lena looked up.

The brunette rolled her eyes and sat straight in her chair, one hand reaching for her cramping neck. "Hello to you too," she said, going for sarcasm, but her tiredness made her voice sound flat. 

Kara shot her a sympathetic glance. "I brought those files you asked for," she explained, taking a seat across from Lena. She hadn't intended to stall at CatCo but she didn't want to go back to the DEO, not unless it was necessary, and keeping Lena company wasn't a waste of time anyway. She'd missed her friend.

"Thank you," Lena exhaled deeply, her shoulders relaxing. "You're a lifesaver."

Kara laughed at that. "It's nothing," she assured.

A moment of silence followed, the blonde let her friend finish the work she'd been doing before the interruption, but Lena didn't seem to care much about it. She added her signature at the end of a page before shoving it into a drawer and then abandoned her pen and everything else she had been previously preoccupied with.

"So, how have you been? We haven't had a chance to talk lately," the brunette started. She rested her elbows atop the desk and let all her attention fall on the blonde.

Kara shifted in her seat awkwardly. "I'm good, everything is," she paused, failing to sound convincing. It was apparent she didn't believe the words she'd uttered out. "Everything is good," she fixed her glasses atop her nose and looked away.

"Are you sure?" Lena squinted at her, her tone confused as she struggled to see behind Kara's feeble pretense.

The blonde sighed. "Something happened," she mumbled, her fingers twitching nervously. It wasn't hard to talk to Lena, and Kara trusted her, but there was only so much of the truth she could reveal without exposing her real identity.

"What? Is it something bad?" Lena fretted, concerned and still completely clueless. She leaned forward, lessening the distance between the two even if only by a few inches. The truth was she had noticed a slight change in Kara, she'd caught the deeper frown her friend had been wearing that past week. However, she hadn't thought much about it, after all, Kara had been sad for a long time. That wasn't news.

"I...I don't know," Kara replied. "I guess not."

"Then what is it?"

She took a deep breath, her mouth had gone dry and her heart was pounding. "It's Mon-El," she whispered, "He's back."

Lena's eyes widened at the words. Her lips parted slightly. "Mon-El, your Mon-El," she said, her disbelief greater than her surprise.

"Well, that's the thing," the blonde spoke and looked upwards, her blue spheres shining and wet. "He's not mine, not anymore." The words scratched at Kara's throat on their way out, making her voice sound croaky, broken. She swallowed, her head falling low now, and she wished she'd worn her hair down so she could hide her tears. She sniffled and stared at her still twitching fingers.

Lena didn't say anything. She stood up, moving around the desk and walking to her upset friend. She sat on the small table beside Kara's chair and gently held both of Kara's shoulders. She wasn't sure if the blonde wanted to be comforted or left alone, but at the slightest prompting, she let her head fall onto Lena's shoulder.

The silence was transient, only lasting a few seconds before Kara spoke again. "I don't know how but he went to the future," she explained. "He said it's been seven years for him, not seven months," her eyes fell shut after that as Lena rubbed her arm in a soothing manner.

"Wow, that's-" the brunette paused to think of an appropriate word. "That's tough."

Kara released a humorless laugh. "It's not only that, he has a wife now," she shook her head, withdrawing and standing up. She walked to the window and looked at the city, her back facing Lena. "All these months I-" she stopped, the words too heavy on her tongue, the pain too thick to be voiced. She swallowed and tried again. "I dreamt of seeing him again, I imagined how it'd feel to hold him, to touch him, to hear his voice. But you know what I never imagined?" She was breathless at that point, suffocating with emotion. When Lena walked up behind her and grabbed her hand, Kara let her, soaking up the comfort she was being offered. She needed a friend right now, someone to just listen, listen to Kara, _just Kara_.

She didn't want to think of the guilt eating at her because she was the one to send him away in the first place. She didn't want to hear about her responsibility to the world and how she'd chosen to be a savior, a hero. She didn't want to face impatience and frustration because it'd been seven months and she was still not over him. And lastly, she didn't want to pretend to have shut out Kara, the human side of her, the broken side of her. She wanted to leave it all in the open, to be raw and honest and weak. She wanted to be heartbroken, completely and utterly shattered. Because she'd kept it all bottled up for long enough, but her mask had slipped, her facade had cracked, her pretense had weakened. And now Kara felt it all, _all_ , a tsunami of feelings, a storm of loss, a tornado of heartache.

"I never imagined losing him like that, losing him to someone else," she confessed and then a sob broke free, causing her shoulders to jolt in spasmodic motions. She cupped her mouth, trying to muffle her sounds, but they still echoed.

"Oh, Kara," Lena shushed her, holding her tight, feeling the blonde's trembles. Until that day, Kara had usually been the one comforting Lena, but this time the roles had been reversed. Lena had never seen her so loudly hurting, so torn with emotion. But in a way, the brunette was glad it finally happened, that Kara finally crumbled. Perhaps now she could start rebuilding herself, putting the pieces back together, instead of acting like she wasn't feeling anything at all.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Kara started apologizing after a minute, fumbling out of Lena's hold and away from her friend. "I didn't-" she wiped her tears, tucked a lock of hair that had escaped her bun behind her ear, and tried to regain her composure. "I didn't mean for this to happen, I'm so sorry."

Lena shook her head. "Kara," she sighed. "I'm your friend and I'm here for you, you don't have to be strong all the time and you don't have to say sorry for expressing your pain."

Kara looked at her with a puzzled look. "I don't know what came over me," she said. She was tempted to turn the other way again, to let her gaze wander, let the city capture her thoughts. But she didn't. She was so tired; of hiding and lying and pretending, of shutting everyone out and hurting alone. She was tired. And she was greedy. She didn't want stolen moments with Mon-El, didn't want to spend the morning talking and laughing and spend the rest of the day pretending it'd never happened. She didn't want any of that but now she was sad again, she was overwhelmed again.

"It's okay," Lena promised, her tone soothing, reassuring, gentle.

Kara nodded, not believing the words and definitely not feeling them. But if she was being honest, she'd have to say she was feeling a little lighter, a little steadier. "Thank you," she breathed out. "It's just, I can avoid him most of the time but with Supergirl-" the truth almost spilled out before Kara realized what she was going to say and cut herself off abruptly. Her eyes widened comically, a hand moving up to her mouth.

"What was that?" Lena asked, more confused than curious. She stared at Kara expectantly, her mind spinning a dozen different ways, making up a dozen different scenarios.

Kara was about to start explaining, twisting her words the best she could to keep her secret just that, a secret. But the more she thought about it the stronger her aversion to lying became, the thicker she could feel a knot of guilt forming in her stomach. "There's something," she began, already regretting her words yet needing to say them. Or maybe it wasn't regret, it was fear of how the truth could change everything once it was out. "There's something about me I've been keeping from you," she said.

Lena's response was an appropriate scowl. Her brows furrowed as she took a tiny step back.

"It's not that I didn't want to tell you, but at first I couldn't, I didn't know if I could trust you, and then you became my friend and we got closer and closer and I knew I could tell you, I knew I should, but I kept putting it off," Kara explained. "Then things happened, a lot of things, and I didn't see you enough, or I tried to avoid you just like I was avoiding everyone else in my life, and I didn't want to lose you too, I wasn't sure I could handle it." Somewhere amidst her monologue the blonde had started showing her anxiousness—she bit her lip, smoothed out her clothes, tugged at the collar of her shirt, fixed her glasses. She hadn't expected revealing her identity to Lena would be so stressful. When she told Winn and James she'd been excited, eager to share that huge part of herself, impatient to have someone be happy for her and with her. But now it was different, now it was difficult.

"Kara," Lena tried to get her friend's attention, to direct it from whatever it was that was causing her so much stress. "Just tell me, I promise I won't run out, whatever it is.

Kara looked at the brunette with vulnerable eyes. "You don't know that," she muttered. Mon-El had gotten sidelined and it was something else that overwhelmed her now. At the moment she was more afraid than sad.

Lena sighed and relaxed her body stance, the longer that whole scene dragged out the more she started to worry, genuinely fearing the severity of Kara's secret. Or was it a lie? By omission most likely, which didn't really soften the blow she was expecting to get, but at least Kara hadn't done it on purpose, and Lena knew she could forgive something like that. Depending on what it was of course.

Kara sighed and took off her glasses. She didn't look at Lena when she proceeded to pull her hairband, soft curls fell over her shoulders, and she bit her lip as she unbuttoned the first buttons of her blouse behind which part of her symbol was hidden. "I'm an alien," she said, finally forcing her gaze to meet Lena's, to see her friend's reaction. "My real name is Kara Zor-El and I'm also Supergirl," she held her cloth open, just enough for Lena to recognize the glyph plastered on her chest, and then watched as the brunette took it all in.

"You're..." Lena whispered, shocked and having a hard time believing the sight in front of her. Her gaze moved from Kara's chest to her blue eyes and swallowed hard. She did that a couple of times, connecting one image with another, the real one with the one in her head. "You really are Supergirl," she accepted at last.

"I'm sorry," Kara immediately apologized, a frown on her face. "I should've told you sooner, and I understand if you never want to speak to me again, it's a lot to take in."

Lena just kept staring for a bit, silent and still lost in the news, in the shock of it all. But when Kara shook her head and began to walk away, when the blonde's shoulders slumped in defeat and her eyes watered, the CEO snapped out of her trance. "Kara, wait!" she called.

Kara stalled right away, turning to meet her gaze.

The brunette took a deep breath. "I don't hate you now that I know," she said.

The blonde's eyes widened slightly and she leaned her head to the side, surprised and confused. "You don't?" she wondered, disbelief clear in her voice.

Lena shook her head in a negative manner. "No I don't," she confirmed. "I'm shocked but I'm not mad at you, if anything I kind of understand you more now, I understand a lot more things about you with Supergirl in the picture," she said.

The Kryptonian nodded slowly, hesitant to get her hopes up but needing to believe Lena at the same time, needing to keep her friend. "You still want to be my friend, even after this?" she asked.

"Of course," Lena assured. She gave the blonde a small smile, even though her head was swirling wildly. "Come here," she opened her arms.

Kara didn't care about human norms and hidden identities anymore. With a whoosh, she flew to hug Lena, literally speeding enough her feet got off the floor for a split second. "Thank you," she breathed out, relief coating her words.

Lena chuckled and just hugged her tighter and Kara got lost in it, in the acceptance she hadn't expected. In that moment, as her mind wandered all over the place, fleeting between situations and faces, she realized she had just gained another ally. And that ally she really could use...


	9. Chapter 9

Kara sat on a table, in Alex's lab, tinkering with things she probably shouldn't have put her hands on in the first place. She kicked her feet back and forth, like a child, and had her hair gathered in a side bun, her cape tossed carelessly behind her back. It hadn't been a good day, but it'd been a slow and boring one, and as soon as her lunch break had rolled around, she'd left CatCo and flown straight to the DEO. Now that Lena knew her secret it was easier for the blonde to get away from work at odd hours, without needing to explain where she'd gone, although she tried not to do it when she was actually on the clock. Unless there was a crisis Supergirl needed to prevent of course.

"I had a strange dream last night," the Kryptonian began, placing the device she'd been examining on the table beside her, a pout tugging at her lips. She stood on her feet, her eyes roaming around for something else to snatch, something that might look more interesting.

Alex glanced at her sister briefly before resuming her work. "What kind of dream?" she asked.

Kara shrugged a shoulder, not bothered by the fact that the redhead didn't even see it. "I saw Reign, but she wasn't alone, there was someone else with her. They were looking right at me, like they were warning me," she paused for a second and scratched her head, "Or threatening me, I'm not sure," she grimaced.

That seemed to attract Alex's attention and the redhead lifted her chin, her eyes narrowing at Kara. She backed away from her microscope, her hands resting on either of her sides. "Did you see the other one's face?" she wondered.

Kara shook her head in a negative manner. "Just their eyes," she said, "They were this icy blue, not like Reign's red ones, and they had dark skin." The dream was bright and vivid in the blonde's head, and she knew that if she allowed herself to sense fear, she'd be scared. But she couldn't afford the feeling so instead she masked her uneasiness with a nonchalant face.

"A second Worldkiller?" Alex suggested.

Kara shrugged a shoulder again. "Maybe," she said, "I mean, it won't be the first time my dreams are more like premonitions. And it's been happening quite often lately."

Alex raised a questioning eyebrow at that. "What do you mean?" She turned to face the blonde fully, equal parts curious and confused.

Kara stalled for a moment, lifting a hand to free her hair from its band. Her golden locks spilled over her shoulder and back, a stark contrast to the dark blue and red of her suit. "When I almost drowned in the sea, a while back, I dreamed of Mon-El," she said, "He urged me to wake up, and then I found him in those same waters in his ship. And when I was in a coma, I saw him again, out in the city saving people and being a hero while buildings were burning and people were screaming. Then Winn told me Mon-El went after Reign while I was out and he helped with the damage she caused. It's like there's a pattern, I dream of something and then it happens," she explained.

Alex nodded her head as she listened, a skeptical look crossing her features. "Kara," she spoke when the blonde finished, "Could this be why Mon-El tried to warn you about another Worldkiller possibly showing up? And why he was willing to train with you? Could he already know something important but he's not telling us?"

Kara's eyes widened slightly at Alex's questions, realization suddenly hitting her. She had noticed Mon-El being protective over her, always pointing things out she hadn't thought of before, but she had just shrugged it off. It wasn't unfamiliar to her, nothing she hadn't been used to. Mon-El had always had a tendency to overanalyze every dangerous situation she'd dive in. It came with his natural instinct to protect her, although she'd never needed him to. Honestly, that was one of the reasons why Kara had fallen for him, how he'd always worry despite the fact that she was nearly indestructible. So it made sense that she hadn't given his behavior much thought, because seven months ago it'd been the same, he'd still tried to keep her out of harm's way. Although, Kara had to admit, back then Mon-El's protectiveness had been an obstacle for her, holding her back some times. This time however, he'd showed that trait of his differently—by trying to prepare her for the unexpected, by helping her overcome the challenges she was expected to be faced with.

Pursing her lips, Kara looked at her twitching fingers. "I don't know if he knows something more," she said, "But if he did, why would he try to warn me? He's not supposed to interfere with the way things happen here, it might mess with the future."

"I don't know," Alex shook her head. "It was just a thought. I mean, we all know he's keeping a lot of secrets."

Kara nodded at that, acknowledging the fact even though it made her stomach twist uncomfortably. She knew Mon-El was really different now, she knew that there were too many things she didn't know about him and the life he lead after her. But she didn't want to think about it all, she didn't want to question too much. Because in the end that'd leave her more heartbroken, it'd only ignite the painful loss inside of her further, and she'd been desperately trying to dull the notion. If she did think about it she'd realize how little she truly knew him, how the man she was still in love with had been lost and the one that had replaced him only maintained his appearance, nothing else. She'd realize Mon-El was now a stranger to her, and not only would that put her at a disadvantage, because she was still the same person _he_ had known, but also acknowledging that would shatter even the faintest idea of hope she could still grasp onto. And she didn't want to let go of that hope, it was the only thing that kept her going nowadays.

"Secrets or not, it's still Mon-El, and I can't believe he would risk letting anything happen to me, even if that'd mean jeopardizing the future. If he knew something, he would have told me," Kara answered her sister, and although she sounded certain she actually wasn't. She could be sure about her own opinion but the truth was that she couldn't be sure about Mon-El, not anymore. Still, she chose to see the brighter side of things, to believe he hadn't completely forgotten about her. After all, he'd been the one to tell her that he still cared about her, and that wasn't wishful thinking, it wasn't erroneous dreaming on her part, it had happened. And Kara had been holding onto his words ever since, even though she could hardly admit it to her own self.

"I agree with you on that actually, which is why I think you should speak with Mon-El about Reign," Alex advised, squeezing Kara's shoulder when she noticed the blonde sucking in a deep, wavering breath. "I think you should let him fight alongside you next time you face her instead of using him as backup. Didn't you say he's a lot stronger than before he left?"

The blonde nodded in response. "He is," she confirmed, "He's even got heat vision now, and with his ring he can also fly. I know he'd make a good partner but-" Kara paused, cutting herself off, doubt clouding her mind all of a sudden. She shook her head, at herself most likely, and looked away. Biting her lip, she tried to picture him and how it'd feel to finally have him by her side, as her equal, as her partner. But that particular word, the last one, she didn't really like. It had her head wandering, going back to different times, to different scenarios. Would they be like that if she hasn't sent him away? Would he be more than backup by that point? Would he still be a hero with her or was she the one who had really been holding him back from becoming one? Because she had tried so hard to show him just how much he could do, how much he could be, but he'd only grown into the person she'd pushed him to be when he ended up alone and without her. He'd only reached his full potential when she wasn't around. So perhaps she'd been the problem all along, perhaps he wouldn't want to stand by her side. Kara was afraid that if she asked him to be her partner, Mon-El wouldn't want to, which is why she hadn't thought about it till Alex suggested it.

At last, Kara sighed and looked back at her sister who'd been watching her as she battled with herself. Despite the doubt, despite the fear, she recognized that at the moment she didn't really have time to waste on her daunting feelings. She needed Mon-El, needed him by her side in a whole different sense than what she'd been used to, what she'd been running from. So eventually she agreed with Alex. "I'm gonna talk to him today," she said, "But I'm not sure he will agree with putting himself on the line just for me."

Alex snorted and failed to muffle a chuckle, her shoulders jolting with the sudden laugh that escaped her mouth. "Yeah, I wouldn't bet on it either," she said, the sarcasm loud and thick, coating her words. She rolled her eyes and shook her head when Kara missed the true meaning behind her response, and after a few seconds, when the blonde still hadn't caught on, Alex sighed. Maybe it was for the better, maybe the fact that Kara couldn't see the way Mon-El still looked at her, like he'd turn the world upside down if she just asked him to, could work in the blonde's favor. Perhaps the two weren't as meant to be as Alex had thought. After all, she'd believed the same about her and Maggie and still there she was, alone and hopeless regardless. Life was a bitch like that, and if it'd been fair at all, Kara wouldn't have been forced to send Mon-El away in the first place.

* * *

 

Later in the day, after Kara had been done with work and gathered enough courage to go talk to Mon-El, the two had managed to come up with a plan. It hadn't been difficult, Mon-El didn't think much differently than Kara did, and she could spot hints of her own teachings in the way her former lover chose to deal with enemies.

He was calm, levelheaded, smart. He could easily shoulder the responsibilities that came with their way of life, or at least that's the vibe he'd given off. And he certainly showed leadership skills, something Kara had been surprised to find out. She herself didn't like to play boss, she had her team and she'd already found her place and her role in it, but it was different for Mon-El. She could see that in his case a guiding figure was needed, someone to turn to. He had a whole group depending on him, people she didn't even know or hadn't had the opportunity to meet yet, but it wasn't because of his powers or his abilities. He wasn't like her. She'd come to learn that pretty much everyone in the legion had some sort of skill or superpower. It was a requirement to become a member of the legion in the first place. Also, most of Mon-El's team were aliens as well, he wasn't the only one. And he wasn't even the most powerful. But he thrived as a leader, she could admit that much. He was a quick thinker and a smart fighter, and his strategic planning had left her stunned, truth be told. In short, Mon-El had definitely grown into the hero he'd promised her he'd become, the hero he'd insisted that he was. And Kara didn't even want to take credit for that, didn't know if she could. He was amazing, and although it hurt a little, that she hadn't been there to watch him become everything she'd believed he could be, she was still immensely proud.

Mon-El had also been really helpful, and for once, Kara'd cursed at herself for waiting that long, for not approaching him sooner. When she'd asked him to join her, when she'd shared her thoughts and asked for his input on her «Reign problem», he hadn't hesitated, not even for a second. That's where the old Mon-El had shone through, the version of him that she'd been more familiar with, when he'd agreed to stand by her side without a second thought. He hadn't stopped to think of himself, or the danger he could be thrown in, he'd just looked her in the eyes and asked her what she needed from him. Honestly, that'd relieved Kara. She wasn't sure why, but talking to him, being able to lean on him, forming a plan with him, it'd all made her heart beat a little easier. She didn't feel so alone or so responsible anymore. She didn't feel like the weight of the world rested solely on her shoulders.

So that's how she found herself in the subway station downtown, after she'd heat-visioned her symbol atop a skyscraper further down the block. It'd been a direct fight call to Reign, a clear signal that Supergirl was still defying her. As expected, Reign hadn't taken much time to respond, and only minutes later she'd created chaos in the aforementioned station, just enough to gain Supergirl's attention. Quickly, Kara'd arrived at the scene, Mon-El right by her side like they had agreed, and to their surprise, this time Reign had brought company too. The second Worldkiller Kara had dreamed of the previous night!

Staring at the two hostile figures, her eyes switching between flaming red and pale blue, the Kryptonian tightened her jaw. She wasn't afraid, not a speckle of intimidation breaking through her façade, but she knew she was outnumbered. She didn't allow the fact to affect her confidence, her resilience, she only spared a fragment of a second to glance at Mon-El who had come to stand next to her, and then with a clench of her fists she let the show begin.

It was an unspoken agreement that Kara would fight Reign while Mon-El would handle the new one, and so they both sprung forward. The blonde opted to start out with a punch that got blocked midway, so she received one instead, to her stomach, and she stumbled a step back. She recovered quickly however, taking advantage of Reign's close proximity to grab the masked woman's arm and land a knee to her midsection. It wasn't strong enough to make Reign falter and so Supergirl soon found herself on her back, an arm acting as a shield as she released her heat vision.

Little by little, the blonde felt her anger transform itself, growing more intense, more violent, until pure fury made her veins pop out, her muscles flexing with bursts of extra energy. Kara didn't let Reign keep the upper hand for long, and as she knew her powers couldn't match her enemy's, she formed a different plan. She went into defense mode for a minute, walking backwards until she'd changed the direction they were heading inside the building, accepting hits but focusing more on not letting the Worldkiller bring her down rather than responding in kind. When Kara's back reached a wall the other fighting pair had left a hole in the middle of, the superhero blew out freezing air. Reign responded to that with her own freeze breath, so quickly a thick wall of ice formed, right between the two women. Kara used her fists and heat vision to shred it, and as that caused the pieces to rain down on Reign, along with a layer of thick dust, the blonde grabbed the momentarily blinded woman and pushed her against the damaged brick. Using every ounce of strength she had, with a strong kick to her stomach, Kara sent Reign right into the hole in the wall, and as the masked alien's form doubled, she got stuck amidst the cement and brick.

That gave Supergirl a second to check on Mon-El, and to her utter horror, she found him on the floor, on his knees. The other Worldkiller's arm was wrapped around his throat and pressing his airway closed. His face had flashed red due to his struggle and Kara knew she couldn't leave him like that, she had to break him free. It was the absolute worst decision she could make at the moment, to allow herself to get distracted, to leave Reign unattended and turn against the other enemy. But it was Mon-El. And he needed her. And the truth was, Kara would be damned if she just turned her head the other way and focused back on Reign. Actually, she was doomed already, she shouldn't have checked on him in the first place. Now her attention had been drawn elsewhere, her focus had wavered, so she rushed to Mon-El's side with a shout to J'onn to cover for her.

The Martian had been looming around, along with Alex and Imra, but the three weren't a match for the Worldkillers, she couldn't let them join the fight. They were just there for backup and to lead people away and towards safety. In that particular moment though, she didn't know what else to do, and she'd regretted it instantly but she had to bring J'onn in, she had to ask for assistance.

"Mon-El!" she screamed out, jumping up and landing a fist on the Worldkiller's head. That one faltered easily, unlike Reign, and immediately Kara recognized a major difference between the two. The blue-eyed one wasn't as strong, nor as experienced, since she let the shock of the hit paralyze her long enough for Mon-El to slip out of her grasp.

"Go, I've got her," the Daxamite told Kara and immediately regained his composure.

Supergirl left them alone and Mon-El balled up his fists, his face hardened and emotionless. His eyes turned more icy than the Worldkiller's, the pale gray looking deadly as his own anger took over. He kicked his opponent before she had time to jump off the ground, a thud echoing as she cracked the cemented ground, and he responded to her heat vision with his own. He grabbed her by the front of her suit and punched her head back, rising high off the floor and throwing her against a wall. For the most part, it wasn't his own strength giving him the upper hand, he knew that. His experience and skills definitely helped, but the kryptonite fragments tucked under the layer of his suit got him the winning points. It wasn't enough to affect Kara who'd been keeping her distance but it was enough to affect the Worldkiller whenever she got close enough.

The unmasked woman suddenly charged at him, knocking him off the air and straight to the ground. He granted when his back hit the floor, coughed, and turned around, his face facing the ground. Mon-El rose to his knees, his eyes meeting Imra's, and they exchanged a quick nod. A protective shield formed around him, strong enough to hold off the Worldkiller for a bit. Plus, Imra used her powers to invade the enemy's head, messing with her senses to weaken her further, buying Mon-El more time. He grabbed a kryptonite blade hidden in his pants and taking advantage of the protection Imra's shield offered him, Mon-El sped up to the dark-skinned woman and pushed the kryptonite to the side of her neck, close to her vein. Within seconds, he watched her fall to her knees, moaning in pain.

She didn't stay long like that. As soon as she managed to dig the blade out, even though her skin glowed faintly of green, she turned against him again. But that was his plan, Mon-El had just needed her to falter for half a minute, just long enough for Kara, and their other two alien allies-his wife and J'onn-to lead Reign close to her partner. Then Alex came in, with an electric generator nearby, one he'd had Winn make specifically for him, and Mon-El absorbed every last bit of the energy stored. He felt it power up his cells, like a strong shot of adrenaline, and when he touched the pair of Worldkillers he released it right through them. He knew that electricity could hurt them and that they couldn't absorb it like he could, it was one of the similarities he'd assumed they shared with Kara. Plus, he'd seen Reign succumb to Livewire's powers.

While the two were dazed and gritting their teeth, Mon-El backed away, suddenly exhausted and soaking with sweat. Of course, Kara noticed and she stepped in front of him in what looked like a protective stance. She shot him a concerned look, her stoned mask slipping only for that split second that she looked at him, and he shook his head. He was breathless but he was trying to hide it, not only from Kara but also from Imra, whom he didn't dare glance at.

A brief moment of silence followed, all parties looking like they weren't going to fight anymore. Despite that however, Reign lifted her head, looked at Kara with a malicious look, and stood. "We're not done Supergirl," she said, her tone hard and threatening, and she grabbed onto her partner. Before anyone had time to react, the Worldkillers rose and flew right through the ceiling, leaving a large hole in their wake.

It wasn't what Kara and Mon-El had planned, they hadn't wanted to lose Reign again, and perhaps they could have had a chance at capturing her had they found her alone. But with the other Worldkiller in the picture, they'd both known from the first minute that it'd be unlikely. So they weren't shocked or disappointed, they'd expected that particular outcome. In fact, they were more relieved by the fact that none of them had been hurt.

* * *

 

Mon-El sighed when he landed in the DEO, following behind Supergirl and his wife. It was quiet enough that no suspicious looks were directed his way, but he could still feel Imra's eyes on him, observing his every move. As they walked inside, the pair stalling as Kara moved farther and stretched the distance between them, Imra took Mon-El's hand in her own and squeezed tightly. It wasn't a comforting move, nor was it meant to pass as one, it was a clear warning that the Daxamite instantly recognized. In response, his shoulders squared and his face hardened, but he didn't try to pull his hand back to his side, he knew he shouldn't.

The two walked again, guided by Kara, and came to a halt in the center of the command room. With a cold glare directed his way, Imra loosened her hold on Mon-El and took a step away, clearly mad at him. J'onn began to talk, discussing what their next move against Reign and the second Worldkiller should be, and quickly the rest joined in, stating facts and expressing opinions. Mon-El opted to listen, and as the void of his voice had to be filled, Imra spoke in his place, her focus straying from him at last.

It wasn't that he didn't want to talk, or that he was backing away from the fight. He'd never do that, especially when the current enemy had put a target on Kara's back and had already hurt her once. _She's_ _already_ _killed_ _Kara_ _in_ _another_ _past_ _._ A voice inside his head added, and even though Mon-El didn't like to be reminded of that, it didn't make it any less true.

The others continued to talk and Mon-El continued to listen, or rather he tried to. The world had become sort of fuzzy the last few minutes and that caused his focus to waver along with the stability of his enhanced senses. His skin felt sticky, still sweltering underneath his suit, and even though the battle had ended adrenaline was still coursing through his veins making him tremble slightly. It wasn't intense enough to be noticeable, but he could feel it. Suddenly he'd become too aware of himself and that overwhelmed him enough to change the pattern of his breathing.

Mon-El used a hand to wipe at his forehead and kept his chin lowered, his eyes cast downwards. His mouth was pressed in a thin line as he tightened his jaw, willing himself to snap out of it, but as the uneasiness intensified his fists clenched and unclenched repeatedly. A cough was coming, he could feel it scratching at his throat, and his lungs hurt in a way that only lead could make them. He was trying to hold it back, knowing the sound would attract confused gazes at best, suspicion and questions at worst. But it was getting hard, and his chest started burning until his eyes watered and he choked on the poisonous air he attempted to inhale.

A coughing fit racked Mon-El's body, loud and sudden enough to make everyone stop in their tracks and snap their heads his way. He felt eyes on him, and the abrupt silence was uncomfortable, but he didn't see the shocked looks as he doubled over and clawed at his chest. Without thinking, his straightened his stance as much as he could and rushed outside, back to the balcony he'd previously landed on. He didn't hear the voices, not really, because his ears were ringing, and he knew the air outside was more toxic than it was inside. Yet he couldn't stay there, watched by everyone as he struggled to breathe, betrayed by his own body and its biggest weakness when he was supposed to have changed, he was supposed to be better and stronger and powerful.

"Damn it, Mon-El," Imra came to stand by his side, rubbing his back in a soothing manner.

Kara followed close behind, her eyes widened, her heart racing. What was happening? What was wrong with Mon-El? She watched him lean his hands on his knees, his figure crouched, his face flashed. He coughed uncontrollably, and the blonde exchanged a look with her sister, seeing the same clueless expression facing her that she was certain she was wearing at the moment.

"Breathe," Imra spoke again, calm and collected and not at all reflecting the growing panic inside Kara's chest. "I should've known when I saw the lasers shooting out of your eyes," the Saturnian muttered and shook her head.

"It's heat vision," Mon-El protested weakly, panting. His breaths were still wheezing but at least the coughing-his-lungs-out part seemed to be steadily coming to a stop.

Imra scoffed. "Like I care," she said, anger thickening her already accented tone. "How many days?" she asked, and although nobody else understood the question, Mon-El got it.

"It's not that bad," the Daxamite defended, straightening his posture and finally breathing a little easier. When he stood properly, he noticed the gaping looks he was getting and he winced a little. "I'm fine," he croaked out and cleared his throat. "Don't stare at me like that, I'm fine."

"Yes, he's fine," Imra agreed, irony dripping from her words and making Mon-El sigh in defeat.

"Imra," he started, "this is not the time, nor the place," he told her.

Green eyes narrowed for a second, glaring at him, contemplating the scene, and then Imra shook her head. "Sorry," she mumbled "But this isn't over," she switched to her mother tongue, positive that only her husband would understand. She looked at the others, an apologetic expression masking the underlying anger, and spoke, "I'm sorry you missed the Worldkillers today, and if anything happens, I'm always willing to help." She only waited for Supergirl's brief nod and with that she flew away, leaving an awkward Mon-El behind.

When all eyes fell on him again, Mon-El inhaled sharply and brought a hand up to rub at the back of his neck. "That was nothing," he said, "Don't worry about it."

"You suffocating or the fighting part?" Winn wondered. "Which one are we supposed to pretend never happened?"

Mon-El looked at his friend and sighed. "I didn't suffocate," he corrected and ignored the raised brow Kara gave him in response. "Sometimes, when I strain myself using my powers, I get these episodes," he explained, "It's because of the lead in the atmosphere."

"I thought you said you've found a cure for that," Kara spoke.

"Yeah," Mon-El nodded, "But even with that I got my limits," he shrugged a shoulder, as if what he'd just said wasn't anything important, as if it wasn't his literal life that was affected.

Kara took a step closer to Mon-El, her lips pouting. She wanted to reach out and touch him but she knew she shouldn't so she restrained herself. "I'm sorry," she said, "You strained yourself to help me, you shouldn't have done that."

Mon-El frowned, his brows furrowing. "I'd do anything for you," he told Kara quietly, and then as his own words dawned on him, as he realized what he'd just let slip past his mouth, he stepped back and away from the blonde. "I have to go," he said and didn't wait another second. Just like Imra had, Mon-El jumped into the air and flew away, quickly fading out of sight as the light had lessened.

Kara watched him go, the urge to go after him pulsing within her. A moment later she shook her head and without a word turned on her heels and headed inside, ignoring the eyes that had landed on her. She didn't want to talk to anyone, not to Winn, not to Alex. She hadn't fully realized what had happened, from the Worldkillers to Mon-El's episode to Imra's bitterness to the words he'd just said to her, everything was too much. Kara's head had started spinning, in a metaphorical sense mostly.

 _I'd do anything for you._ His voice echoed but Kara didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to believe it. Everything was too messed up for promises like that one, especially when it was Mon-El who'd made it.


	10. Chapter 10

The night was still young but the city had been quiet, just like after every sighting of Reign and Supergirl together. It was like the world would withdraw, would hide, in fear of the two powerful figures and the destruction they could cause when faced with one another. Kara had hung her cape early, complying to J'onn's subtle dismissal after he'd reassured her the DEO had everything under control, in case she'd wanted to take the rest of the night off. So she'd put her glasses back on, had switched faces again to fit her human identity, and she'd decided that she had to find a certain someone and talk to him. Because for the time being, Supergirl and Kara were one, in every way, shape and form, and they asked the same questions, sought the same answers.

It was strange, in a way, the fact that Mon-El had become hard to find just as Kara had decided to seek him out. She'd gotten used to his presence lately, he'd been around more often than not, but it seemed like that was limited to random appearances occurring during broad daylight. So of course it made sense that he hadn't been there when Kara had decided she wanted to talk to him, he wasn't working with the DEO anymore, the blonde had reminded herself. He was only there to help, and get help, and that was all.

Sighing, Kara stepped out the building, unaccustomed to walking out of the DEO at the end of the day like any other agent and employee. She'd normally fly out the balcony, suit on and cape flowing behind her, but not this time. This time she blended with the humans, pretended to be one of them just like she had to for her day job. And she contemplated her options. She didn't think it was a good idea to just show up at the legion ship, out of the blue, after she'd witnessed that brief fight between Mon-El and Imra earlier. And she also couldn't call Mon-El, his old cellphone was still forgotten inside a drawer back at her loft and she didn't know any futuristic ways of communication she could use to reach him. But she needed to see him, she was determined about that as her mind swirled with all those things she wanted to say to him.

Kara ruminated as she walked, more focused on Mon-El than her surroundings, and before she realized where she'd headed, she found herself outside the alien bar. It was unexpectedly busy for a week night, from what she could hear, and she wondered why her legs had carried her there. Truthfully, it took her a couple of minutes to figure it out, but when she did she wasn't surprised. It'd been his heartbeat of course, she always kept track of it in the back of her mind. Albeit, most of the time Kara didn't even realize she'd been following it, but it was always there, constant and steady, allowing her to have a piece of Mon-El at all times. So it wasn't hard to locate her ex boyfriend's heart, quick and loud amongst the crowd, standing out and making it so easy for Kara to find him at last.

Mon-El wasn't speaking, she couldn't hear his voice, which probably meant that he was alone. A quick look through the bar's walls confirmed Kara's thought and she found him sitting in the back, on his own, with a drink in his hand that he hadn't touched yet it seemed. Mon-El had his eyes cast downwards, a skeptical expression clouding his features, and Kara's lips mirrored his frown as soon as she saw him. She'd known that look, it wasn't a happy one, and perhaps it was a bad idea to approach him while there was clearly something bothering him. But Kara couldn't back away, she couldn't just leave him like that, and although she cursed herself for being so weak, for losing control so easily, she decided to go in anyway.

She approached slowly, hesitantly, gulping with every step she took. She nodded at some familiar faces but her eyes didn't stray from Mon-El's slumped figure. At least he looked healthy now, she noticed, fully recovered from that episode he'd had earlier, even though he still didn't resemble the man she had fallen in love with. That man, even on his worst days, in his darkest of moments, hadn't ever looked so tired, so sad, so weighed down. That man hadn't been broken like this one was. And maybe that was why Kara had been drawn to him, because he'd carried his pain in a different way, in a way she had admired and had been astonished by. But this man was loud in his sorrow, even when he didn't utter a word. This man was quiet and dark, and he didn't smile through the heartache like he'd used to, he didn't use dumb jokes to cover up the void inside of him. This man laid bare in front of her, and Kara knew that he didn't mean to, she knew that it wasn't intentional, but perhaps Mon-El had forgotten how easily she could read him, he'd forgotten how deeply she'd gotten to know him once.

The blonde slid in the chair opposite of Mon-El and faced him. She didn't talk at first, instead opting to wait until he lifted his eyes to look at her. When he saw her, when he breathed in relief because it was only her, when he squared his shoulders and hardened his face because it was _her_ _,_ only then did Kara open her mouth to speak. And it wasn't much, just a simple "hi", quiet and soft and careful.

"Hi," Mon-El greeted in return, his voice scratchy. He cleared his throat as he pulled his hand away from his glass and rested it atop his lap. "I didn't expect to see you here," he said.

Kara observed him carefully, searching for any signs that her presence might be unwelcome. She didn't find any. "I wanted to talk to you," she said and swallowed a newly-formed lump in her throat.

Mon-El furrowed his brows at the blonde's words. "About what?" he asked. His voice didn't slur but his head was light, the drinks he'd had before Kara showed up fogging his senses. They still didn't do anything about her eyes though, or the fact that they looked so blue and sad he couldn't help but see a pair of comets staring right at him.

Mon-El swallowed and licked his lips, patiently waiting for an answer. He glanced at his drink, contemplated taking a few sips even though he knew he was already drunk enough, but then decided against it. He didn't want to add to his tipsiness, not in front of Kara. And most importantly, he didn't want to forget whatever Kara was going to say next, he knew from her expression that she hadn't sat with him only to share a drink and engage in meaningless small talk.

"Look, Mon-El," the blonde started, her shoulders tense and her posture perfectly straight. "I know we've talked about the Worldkillers and agreed to fight them together, but after seeing what happened today I'm not sure this partnership between us is the right choice," she said.

Mon-El's face twisted in confusion. "But we almost beat them," he countered.

"I know," Kara nodded, "I'm not talking about that."

"Then what are you talking about?" Mon-El asked, still confused. "I know I'm not as strong as you are but that doesn't mean I can't fight, trust me I've faced worse than Reign, the future isn't a utopia, you know," his tone was defensive and harsh, not hiding the fact that what Kara had said had hit a nerve and he'd taken full offense.

Kara shook her head negatively. She reached out to touch him but Mon-El pulled back and away from her. "Mon-El, please," Kara retracted her hand. "That's not what I meant. I see who you are, you don't have to prove your worth to me."

Mon-El's lips parted but he didn't say anything for a long moment. He just looked at Kara, stared into her eyes as if he was seeing much more than just a pair of blue spheres. And then he snorted, quietly, the sound miserable rather than defiant. "You don't know me," he said at last, his voice more of a painful statement than an accusation. Still, the blonde took it as the latter and inhaled sharply when she felt a pinch in her heart.

"Maybe," Kara agreed but not entirely. "I still trust you though, and I know you're capable, but that's not what I've been trying to tell you. If anything, between us two, I'm the weaker one."

"What?" Mon-El blurted out, surprised and not interested in covering it up. Without thinking he inched closer again, back within Kara's reach.

"You scared me today," Kara looked away as she said that, not brave enough to look at Mon-El when she voiced her confession. "Sometimes I forget that we're not invincible, that even though we're aliens we have our weaknesses. And when I saw the Worldkiller straggling you I was reminded of mine, and then, at the DEO, when you got sick, I was reminded of yours too. I can't drag you into a fight fearing you might get hurt any second and honestly I don't think I have any right to ask you to risk your life for me," she explained.

Mon-El listened carefully, each word hitting him like a punch to the face and the alcohol did nothing to soften the impact. He registered what Kara had just said well enough, despite the fuzziness in his head. And in spite of the fact that he didn't like it, he read too many things between her lines, saw too many underlying meanings and hidden truths. "You say you trust me but you actually don't," he started, "I do know my limits, as hard as that may be for you to believe, and no offense Kara, but at this point I've been doing this superhero thing longer than you have. I'm not stupid, I wouldn't offer assistance if I knew the requirements were beyond my abilities. And I would never stand in your way like that, be a liability when you're facing such dangerous enemies. I know it didn't always seem like that when we were together, but you're above me or my ego, now more than ever."

Kara almost gasped when Mon-El finished. She'd thought he was drank at first, misinterpreting her words and twisting them in his hazy mind, talking without fully comprehending what he was saying. But now she realized that was not the case. Because she could see where he came from, and thinking back to herself seven months ago, to the version of her he'd seen last, she could remember how high a stake she'd set for him. In his memory, Kara was still the one who sometimes forgot that she wasn't fighting alone, the one who forgot that Mon-El not being as strong as she was didn't mean he was completely useless, the one who forgot how to explain that it wasn't about him being weaker but about her being utterly terrified that he might get hurt. He was right, she'd never learned from him, hadn't figured out how to say "I love you", how to say "I'm scared", how to say "I worry about you". She hadn't until it was too late, until he had to fly away. He hadn't stayed long enough to see her crumbling under the weight of her broken heart, to hear her crying out his name in her sleep while she dreamed about losing him forever. He hadn't stayed long enough for her to get used to the idea of him sticking around. She'd lost so much, and even though she'd always expressed it in a poor way, she'd never really thought less of him, because she'd known him better than anyone. But that didn't mean she could convince herself that he'd always come home to her, it didn't mean she hadn't been terrified that something would happen and she'd lose him too. And as it'd turned out, after all that time spent apart, not much had changed in that aspect, she was still doing the same thing, making him feel inferior because the fear of losing him overwhelmed each of her senses.

"And for the record," Mon-El continued, abruptly disrupting Kara's thoughts and forcing her out of her headspace, "the fact that I've lived away from you for seven years doesn't mean that I've abandoned you. I would never. Risking my life to protect yours has been the easiest decision I've ever had to make."

Kara nodded, listening but not believing. She wanted to, wanted Mon-El's voice to be louder than the doubts overshadowing her mind, but sadly it wasn't. "You don't owe me anything," she told him in a cracked and monotonous tone. "You've been away, you have a new life, new friends, it's not right for me to ask you to risk it all. I can't take you away from your wife and your team and whoever else might be waiting for you in the future."

"Kara," Mon-El sobered up, his eyes losing that hazy glint they'd had. "You're not asking for anything I'm not willing to give," he reached for Kara's hand and she let him touch her, both briefly glancing at their joined limps. "I've told you before that I'm not your problem anymore and I meant it. You don't have to worry about me so much now, you're free."

A humorless chuckle slipped past the blonde's lips, fading into a sob she hadn't had enough time to hold back. "I'm free," she repeated Mon-El's word, a questioning tint in her voice. "I've always been free with you, it's without you that I feel like I can't breathe, or at least I used to when I thought you'd died in that pod." Mon-El's hand squeezed hers and Kara looked away, tears threatening to appear as her chest felt like it was on fire. She felt like she'd said too much, like she was unloading her burden on him, but Mon-El had been honest with her and Kara thought it only fair she did the same. "You've been a lot of things to me but not a problem, never a problem," she emphasized, gulped and shook her head when Mon-El was about to argue.

Mon-El nodded eventually, accepting Kara's words. A brief pause followed, the tension between them loosening, the charged atmosphere easing. "Well, maybe only sometimes, like when I cracked the tiles on the shower wall, you weren't happy about that," he joked, or rather attempted too, albeit cautiously.

Kara cracked a smile at that, which got wider by the second. "Yeah," she breathed out, "maybe only sometimes."

Mon-El raised his brows in amusement. "I'll have you know I'm handling my powers much better now," he boasted. He could see the uncertainty staining Kara's grin, the hint of sadness in her blue eyes like an archipelago shadowed under thick, gray clouds. He could see it all, and as he looked back at their still joined hands, a wave of homesickness crushed him with such intensity he was left breathless. He'd never missed Kara as much as he did at that moment, even though she was right there, and he didn't know what to do with that thought or what it could mean.

* * *

 

 

Heels clicking on the tiled floor, hair loose and barely held in half a braid, Kara trudged toward Lena's office. It was early, the blonde was tired and lacking her usual energized brightness, but her friend had called thirty minutes prior asking her to meet up at the CEO's L-Corp office and so there Kara was. The building was still mostly empty, only the security guards had greeted the Kryptonian at the entrance, and the journey up to the top floor had been a lonely one. Not that Kara had minded, she hadn't gotten enough sleep to deal with a crowded elevator, it was merely an observation.

She crossed the stretched out hallway and when she reached Lena's door, she found it open. So Kara didn't knock, instead opting to enter without preannouncing her arrival. "Hey," she greeted quietly as soon as her eyes landed on her friend's seated form.

"Oh, Kara, you're here," Lena offered a smile and stood to greet the blonde properly. "Good morning, sorry I called you so early," she said and gave Kara a quick hug.

"It's okay," Kara assured, "I actually wanted to talk to you too."

Lena raised an eyebrow at that, expressing a question without having to form words. "Is it something serious?" she asked instead.

Kara grimaced for a brief second. "Kind of," she replied, "but you go first, what is it that you want to talk about?"

Lena motioned for the blonde to take a seat and then walked back to her own chair. She took her previous spot and rested her elbows on the desk. "Okay so," she started and paused to take a breath. "I've been working on figuring out what's going on with Sam and what is causing her blackouts and I noticed some...coincidences, let's call them that," she explained.

"What kind of coincidences?" Kara wondered. "Were you with her during a blackout?"

"I was, actually," Lena nodded, "and I saw something strange."

"Tell me," Kara prompted, her characteristic crinkle prominent between her brows. "What happened?"

"We were here and we were disagreeing about something and then it was like she became a different person. She got really angry with me and yelled and her voice changed, like it wasn't Sam talking but someone else."

"What does this mean?"

"I'm not sure but-" Lena sighed, struggling with herself for a second. "I think she actually turns into a different person."

Kara leaned back in her chair, the tension melting from her shoulders. "Not that I don't want to believe you, but Lena, come on, that sounds ridiculous," she said.

"That's what I said at first too but listen, about those coincidences I mentioned, they're quite suspicious to be random and irrelevant."

"Okay..." Kara mumbled disbelievingly but she was intrigued.

Lena pushed a sheet of paper toward Kara, scribbles and red underlined notes all over it. "Look, I've noted down every blackout Sam has had the last couple of weeks and some events that are coinciding with them. Most days, around the same time Sam's mind has gone blank, there's one troubling thing that's happened and it's the same every time. Check."

Kara frowned and did as told, looking down at the paper. She scanned the whole page more than once, reluctant to believe what she was seeing, but looking up at Lena she had no other choice. "Reign," the superhero voiced the name Lena hadn't dared utter. "Sam is Reign."

The youngest Luthor nodded and her shoulders slumped, the action atypical of her tough and sometimes apathetic personality. It was a clear sign of how much that statement was affecting her, the realization breaking right through her facade and squeezing her heart in a way the ache reflected in her eyes, vivid and uncontrollable. Kara could definitely empathize, her own chest tightening and leaving her short of breath. Sam was her friend, a good one even though they hadn't known each other for long. How could she also be her greatest nemesis to this day? How could she be the one who'd almost killed her?

"I know it's hard to accept but I've been running tests all night, I studied Sam's blood, her DNA, there's definitely something abnormal about her but I haven't figured everything out yet. I was going to wait a few days to tell you, until I knew more, but this concerns both Kara and Supergirl and I wasn't sure waiting would be a good idea," Lena explained.

Kara stared at her while she spoke, still trying to wrap her head around everything while simultaneously having to adopt to the new situation with the new information included. Like Lena had just said, this concerned both Kara and Supergirl and so the blonde had two problems now, two angles to approach the issue from. Because Reign might currently be Supergirl's enemy but Sam was still Kara's friend, and she couldn't just let Sam get lost, fade away behind the Worldkiller's mask. Nor could she risk killing her friend along with Reign, she had to find a way to keep the human of the two, if Sam could even be considered human at all.

"Thank you for telling me," Kara said eventually. "I need to speak to my team about this."

Lena sat straighter. "Kara," she spoke, her tone slightly warning. "I know you have people you work with but I can't let you keep me out of this. Sam is my friend, and I've known her much longer than you have, I have a say on how Reign is going to be dealt with."

Kara nodded. "I won't let anyone hurt Sam, I promise you this."

"I need more than that," the brunette said.

The blonde contemplated her options for a long moment. "Would you like to work with me?" she asked Lena.

A glint of surprise flashed across the CEO's face and then the corner of her lip quirked up. "A Luthor and a Super teaming up again?"

Kara nodded. "As long as it doesn't end with me having to send Mon-El off the planet again," she tried to joke but her voice turned flat, bitter, sad.

Lena noticed but she didn't comment on it. "Come with me," she stood and prompted Kara. "Sam should be waking up soon."

"Sam is here?" Kara asked, surprised.

"Yes, she's the one who asked me to help her after last night, she was so scared when she realized she had blacked out on me. I haven't told her anything about Reign but I'm afraid I'll have to in order to do more tests."

"I think it'd be better if you two came with me to the DEO, it's this secret government organization I work with as Supergirl, you'll have everything you need there and I'll make sure nobody gets hurt in case Sam turns into Reign out of the blue."

"Okay," Lena agreed, a little cautiously truth be told, but she trusted Kara.

"Okay," the blonde repeated and followed Lena out the office and to what she guessed was the room Sam was in.

It'd be a long day, she knew it, and her mind was already swirling. She needed time and she had to speak with Alex soon, but having Lena on her side was a bonus Kara hadn't expected to be proven so helpful. And although she was scared now, about Sam and how deeply connected she could be to Reign, she was also hopeful. Perhaps now she had all she needed to end this problem without much fuss or damage, though she knew she still had a second Worldkiller to catch. But that shouldn't be too hard, she just had to figure out the woman's human identity and take her into DEO custody. Everything would be okay, that's what Kara told herself, and if she couldn't actually convince herself didn't matter, she pretended to believe her own words anyway, simply because she didn't know if she could afford not to.

* * *

 

Mon-El was awoken abruptly, too early and too violently, as alarms started blasting and ringing in the legion ship. He groaned and opened one eye to look at Imra. "What is this?" he asked and shifted closer to her.

The Saturnian didn't bother blinking her eyelids open, instead opting to bury her face in Mon-El's shoulder. "Brainy will handle it," she murmured, voice muffled and hinting at her exhaustion.

"Maybe we should-" Mon-El began to say but was quickly silenced by his wife who put a hand over his mouth. The alarms kept going off but the truth was he'd rather stay in bed with her, he was too hungover to deal with a crisis first thing in the morning. "Yeah, okay," he agreed eventually and turned to wrap an arm around his partner.

A wave of calmness washed over him as she slipped back into her dreamland. Their figures were intertwined and connected in such a way that Mon-El couldn't be shielded from Imra's telepathic powers, especially when she was asleep and didn't have complete control. If he wanted to, he could ease into the sensation and let her guide him into a slumber too, the annoying noises dulled and forgotten. But he didn't dare to, just in case there actually was something wrong and needed his attention.

The alarms were silenced only seconds later, causing Mon-El to sigh in relief. His ears had started ringing and his head felt like it was going to explode. He shouldn't have ordered the strong stuff at the alien bar the previous night, he'd been stupid and now he was paying for it. But then again, he'd forgotten what a hungover was, he rarely drank back in his time, he couldn't afford to lose sobriety even for as little as a mere hour.

Knowing that he couldn't go back to sleep, Mon-El tried to get out of Imra's hold. She didn't budge however and so he nudged her gently, whispering in her ear, careful not to startle her. "Imra," he called quietly and rubbed her back.

"It's probably the engines needing rebooting," she mumbled, tone slurring as if she was sleep-talking.

"Whatever it is we have to go check," Mon-El insisted and barely held back a chuckle when his wife grumbled out a reluctant agreement. He let her take a moment, to really wake up, and when she kissed his cheek and pulled away he did too. They got out of bed at the same time, stumbled to the door and out the room together, not caring about their disheveled appearances. And then they headed straight to the maintenance room, guessing that was where the alarms had gone off from.

"Good, you're both awake," Brainy said as soon as he heard the pair. Apathetic and uninterested, he didn't even spare them a glance.

"What's going on?" Mon-El asked, his mouth pulled in a deep frown. He looked around, searching for the source of the problem, but no screens were showcasing any errors. That, of course, left him confused and he stared at Querl, impatiently waiting for an answer.

"It appears that Jo's tank has been malfunctioning," the Coluan informed his two friends.

"So what do we do?" Imra asked. "Did you manage to fix the problem?"

"No," Brainy shook his head. "We will have to let him wake up." He turned to look at Mon-El, an eyebrow raising in question, and the Daxamite, as the team leader, nodded his permission to proceed.

The three watched as the tank started draining, Ultra Boy's limp body falling against the diaphanous glass. When the water completely disappeared, Brainy pressed a button for the tank to open and Mon-El moved to support Jo's still sleeping form much like he'd done with Imra's when Kara'd broken her out of the tank. He laid his friend on the floor, his moments careful and slow, and Imra kneeled by their side.

"How long will it take for him to wake up?" she asked.

"A few minutes," Brainy replied.

And so they waited. Imra brushed Jo's hair out of his face as she closed her eyes and tried to connect with his mind. She called his name out quietly, reaching for that part of his that had remained conscious even in hyper sleep. After a couple of minutes, just like Querl had estimated, Ultra Boy started waking up.

The first thing the boy saw when he opened his eyes was Imra's face so he automatically uttered her name. With a small smile, the Saturnian helped him into a sitting position. "Where are we?" he wondered, a palm rubbing at his face as if he'd just woken up from an actual nap.

"We're on Earth," Imra said, "in the 21st century."

"Oh," Jo breathed out, his mind only now starting to work properly. He furrowed his brows, pursed his lips, and looked behind him to see Mon-El and Brainy. "Oh right," he spoke again, "we were on a mission to save Mon-El."

"What?" Mon-El asked upon hearing Jo's words. "What is he talking about?"

"Oh shit," Ultra Boy cursed and looked at Imra. "I shouldn't have said that, he doesn't know yet, does he?" he asked the Saturnian.

Imra shook her head negatively. "No, he doesn't, I haven't told him yet," she responded. Then she turned to look at Mon-El who was watching her intently. "I'm sorry," she apologized, "I lied to you."


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's back

_**Previously:** _

_..."Oh," Jo breathed out, his mind only now starting to work properly. He furrowed his brows, pursed his lips, and looked behind him to see Mon-El and Brainy. "Oh right," he spoke again, "we were on a mission to save Mon-El."_

_"What?" Mon-El asked upon hearing Jo's words. "What is he talking about?"_

_"Oh shit," Ultra Boy cursed and looked at Imra. "I shouldn't have said that, he doesn't know yet, does he?" he asked the Saturnian._

_Imra shook her head negatively. "No, he doesn't, I haven't told him yet," she responded. Then she turned to look at Mon-El who was watching her intently. "I'm sorry," she apologized, "I lied to you."_

* * *

 

"What do you mean you lied to me?" Mon-El asked Imra, his voice steady and calm. He didn't show any signs of anger, not yet, but the sting of betrayal was setting in regardless.

"There are things that I have kept from you," Imra replied and strayed from his gaze only to look at the other two Legionnaires briefly. "The Legion hasn't been completely honest with you about this mission."

Before directing another question to his wife, Mon-El turned to face Brainiac 5 and Ultra Boy as well. "You've all been lying to me?" he accused, and this time, he did sense the bitterness of fury taking over, little by little. "About what? What did you do?" He turned back to the Saturnian. "What did you do?" he repeated.

Imra took a step closer and tried to reach out to him, to ground him with a touch. Despite her efforts however, despite her pleading eyes, Mon-El pulled away before she could, his face twisting into a hardened mask. "We're not here to save Supergirl, our mission is much more complicated than that," the brunette explained and drew her arms back at her sides, her hands twining in an attempt to avoid the urge to fidget.

"You're here to save me," Mon-El filled in, his tone sharp. It was mostly directed to his wife. She was the one who seemed to hold all the answers and the only one brave enough to speak up. The other two simply stood at the side, quiet and unapologetic. Mon-El noticed, even though he pretended not to.

Imra shook her head. "It's not what you think," she sighed, immediately recognizing the kind of scenario Mon-El was referring to. He'd taken Jo's words less literally and had already formed an assumption of his own, one they'd already had quite a few fights about in the past. "We're not here to get in the way of you protecting Kara. I know you think that if it comes down to it we'll save your life over hers, and you're right, we will, but this mission here is about a different thing."

Mon-El listened carefully and nodded, visibly relaxing. That'd been the worst thought he'd had, and his worst fear. He couldn't let them jeopardize his plans, he'd already made his decision, knew he'd give his life for Kara's without a second thought if need be. After all, his marriage with Imra had only been a political solution to avoid an upcoming war, and the 31st century wasn't supposed to be his time. He'd stayed there long enough. Not that he didn't love his team, or that the future hadn't embraced his presence and helped him grow, but there had been a sense of not belonging carved deep within his gut for the past seven years. He'd tried to shake it off, tried to break free from it, but he'd failed. It had only really faded when he'd woken up in Kara's time, and even more so, when he'd found her familiar gaze staring back at him.

Gulping, Mon-El forced his mind to come back to the present, his swirling thoughts pushed away. He ignored Imra's questioning look and raised a wall to block her out, shielding himself before she even thought of trying to take a peak inside his head. Instead, he asked another question. "Tell me then, what's going on?"

Imra's intense gaze softened, as if his voice had broken her out of her thoughts as well. "We believe you've made a mistake," she said. "You've come back to the wrong time. Supergirl isn't supposed to die any time soon."

"That can't be true," Mon-El argued. "This is the chronicle we traveled back to the first time, it's when she dies, I've already watched it happen," he insisted.

The Saturnian shook her head. "According to Brainy's calculations Kara's death hasn't happened yet," she reasoned.

Mon-El huffed. "Then he's wrong, he must be wrong." He faced Brainy. "Check again!" he demanded, his tone harsher than he'd intended it to be.

"I have," Querl assured.

Confusion flashed across his face and Mon-El ran a hand through his hair as a sigh escaped his lips. "But I saw it happen," he said again, although his argument was audibly weaker this time.

"I know," Imra butted in, her voice soft, a stark contrast to the way he was feeling. He sensed a _but_  coming but she didn't voice it. Nevertheless, the brunette continued: "perhaps your memories are not as accurate as you think. What happened, what you watched happen to Kara, we know it was a traumatic event for you. Perhaps your grief is playing tricks on your mind, because we're quite sure you're interfering with the wrong time."

"So what? I'm going crazy now?" Mon-El couldn't help but spit out, his eyes gleaming with a newfound wave of anger. He balled up his fists and looked at all three of his friends. "First you lie to me and now you're trying to twist everything I know?" he laughed humorlessly, "I can't believe you."

"Mon-El," Imra called firmly, a subtle warning ringing in the air. "Listen to me, please, we're only trying to help you."

The Daxamite's response was a challenging glare and his nostrils flared as he bit back his words. "How do I know that?" he defied, "How do I know you're telling the truth now?"

The brunette's shoulders slumped and she tried to reach out for her husband for the second time. She was reluctant, fearing rejection, but Mon-El stood unmoving on the spot, awaiting her next move. When Imra touched his arm, he didn't pull away, and she let herself breathe out in relief. "I know it's hard for you to trust us right now," she began, "this is a complicated situation that none of us had predicted and we're all struggling. But you must remember that the Legion would never turn against you and neither would I."

"I know that," Mon-El nodded. "But even if I believe you, how do I know you're not keeping anything else, how can I trust that this is all?"

Imra shared a quick glance with Brainy and Jo before she sighed. She asked for a moment of privacy, needing to talk to Mon-El without the two standing there. Their situation was dire and messy as it was, she didn't want Brainy interrupting her with calculations and blunt facts, nor did she want Jo running his mouth and saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and causing Mon-El to snap without even letting her explain. So she waited for her friends to leave the room, and when she and Mon-El were alone, she reached for his hand and stroked his skin with her thumb to ease the tension between them.

"I don't really think that what you remember is incorrect," the Saturnian began again, "but some things don't add up."

Mon-El shot a puzzled look her way. "What are you saying?" he wondered.

"I'm saying that something is wrong, seriously wrong," she insisted.

"I don't understand."

Imra breathed out loudly and ran a hand through her hair, her shoulders tensing up in apparent distress. "Think about it," she urged Mon-El, "you came back here to save Supergirl, yet she's alive without you intervening. She's survived without you getting involved. It looks like what you traveled back here to do has happened, but Brainy said he hasn't detected any changes in the future, the timeline hasn't been altered at all."

Mon-El looked away for a second, his jaw clenching as he thought about what Imra had just said. "But if Kara had really been saved, the future would be different," he realized.

"Exactly," his wife agreed, "which made me wonder, what if she wasn't supposed to die in that fight from the beginning? What if the fact that you didn't intervene actually reserved the timeline instead of altering it?"

Mon-El was confused again, Imra's words taking him down a path he wasn't sure he could make sense of. "Where's my mistake then? What were you talking about?" he asked.

"I think the mistake was made the first time you came back, when you slipped into Supergirl's fight with Reign," the brunette explained.

"If I hadn't slipped in, if I hadn't gotten that hit that was meant for Supergirl, Kara would be dead on the spot," he argued in response.

"What does it matter? She still died a few minutes after that." Imra continued to defy his logic.

"To protect me," Mon-El reminded her, his voice sharp.

They were quickly falling into an argument again, one the Saturnian had grown tired of just as much as Mon-El had. Still, she didn't bite back her words. That wasn't the time to hold back. "How do you know she wouldn't have survived the initial hit? I mean, you did, and she's supposed to be stronger than you."

"I know because I actually saw Kara, I remember the way she fought," Mon-El said. "She wasn't protecting herself, she was distracted and vulnerable. I don't know what was going on with her but she wasn't fully there, she wasn't prepared."

"So you stepped in."

"I had to."

"Right," Imra nodded, her tone hinting at defiance. She didn't really disagree with Mon-El, but she was upset with him nonetheless. "So let's assume Brainy is right and Kara's death hasn't happened yet. That means her fight with Reign, the one you tried to save her from, takes place later, in a few days or a few weeks," she said.

"What are you getting at?" Mon-El asked, eyes narrowed in disbelief.

"I've been thinking about what you said, that Supergirl wasn't prepared to face Reign that day, and I realized something."

Mon-El raised a brow and motioned for Imra to continue.

With a deep breath the Saturnian did as told. "You weren't here," she said. "You arrived in the middle of the fight, just in time to distract Reign and save Supergirl. But this time it's different. We hit that disruption and you've arrived in Kara's time much earlier. That means you have time to train with her now. You can help her prepare."

Mon-El's brows furrowed, a crinkle forming in the middle. He licked his lips and put his hands on either side of his waist. "That-" he cleared his throat, "that actually makes sense."

"I know," Imra replied and shifted her weight from one foot to another. "My point is, maybe you don't need to join the fight, you don't need to take any hits for Kara in order to save her. You can help her get stronger so that she can save herself."

"Imra," Mon-El cut her off, the word sounding stern, almost like a reprimand.

"No, I know, I know," she nodded, waving a hand in meaningless motions. "If it comes down to it you'll intervene and save the day, you've already said that."

"Imra," he repeated her name, although this time his voice was much softer. He looked at her sadly, eyelids heavy and blinking hard.

"I know, Mon-El," the brunette nodded again, her own sadness echoing behind those three words. "I'm not picking another fight with you about this. If you want to die for Kara, I'm supposed to let you." The previous sadness quickly faded into loud and clear opposition.

It made the Daxamite shake his head and use a hand to rub his face. "I'm not trying to get myself killed, but we have a plan, and that involves Supergirl surviving that fight."

"And you die in her place, I know."

"We have a plan," Mon-El insisted.

"No. _You_ have a plan. What I have is a husband with a death wish," Imra stated her argument.

"Don't say that," he sighed and swallowed hard. His wife's words tasted bitter on his tongue, mostly because they were true.

"Why not?" the brunette almost spat out. "I'm just speaking the truth. I'm doing exactly what you told me when I joined the legion," she began to walk away.

"Wait," Mon-El stopped her. "Jo said you're here to save me," he recalled, a questioning tilt in his tone.

"And I said that our mission is complicated," Imra sighed, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Look, Mon-El, I know I shouldn't have kept this from you, I should have talked to you the moment Brainy realized that something was wrong."

"Then why didn't you?"

"Because you wouldn't have listened to me. You were so focused on saving Kara and blaming yourself for her death, I didn't know how to tell you that you might have made a mistake. You would only blame yourself more," she explained.

"So you let me believe that I was doing the right thing," Mon-El accused, not directly though.

"I didn't know that you weren't, I couldn't be sure," Imra replied. "Besides, we're here to cause a major change, I thought that this could be it."

"But then Brainy received the last data and confirmed no major changes have taken place," Mon-El spoke, mostly to himself.

Imra nodded anyway.

"How did Jo know about all that?" he asked the brunette. "He's only just woken up."

"Because we already knew what would happen, about hitting the disruption I mean. Brainy had predicted a 72-point-something percent chance of hitting a disruption. So then we dug deeper into your records, we gathered as much information as we could find about the fight you'd said you would stop, in case something happened to you."

"We agreed that you wouldn't get in my way," gray eyes turned harsh again.

"I'm still not standing there and watching you die, if that's what happens in the end, so I had to be sure."

"And what did you find?"

"It's not about what I found but about what I didn't find," Imra answered. "I didn't find your name anywhere, nobody interrupted that fight, you didn't get involved," she stated.

"Are you sure?" Mon-El asked.

"As sure as I can be. But if I had told you then, before you traveled back again, would you have believed me?" the Saturnian questioned her partner.

Mon-El shook his head no. "I would think that you were just trying to keep me out of it, that you were trying to trick me into not intervening," he said.

"Exactly," Imra confirmed.

"So what I'm supposed to do to save Kara is help her get stronger and let her fight alone."

"Yes."

"And she'll be okay," Mon-El continued to worry, to stress over every word exchanged between the two.

"She will be," Imra tried to reassure him. "And she won't be alone, she'll still have you. If our plan fails we go back to Plan A, the one where you join the fight alongside her. And the legion will help too. We won't let Reign defeat you."

"Imra, you can't get involved, what happens to your future if you get hurt?" the Daxamite objected.

"I don't know, but it's supposed to be different when we go back anyway," the brunette shrugged a shoulder.

"No, this it too much, you're taking too big a risk. It's more than I can ask," Mon-El shook his head and looked up with vulnerable eyes.

"You're not asking," Imra smiled at him and cupped his cheek. She stroked his face as gently as she'd just spoken to him. And just like that, all the tension melted from her shoulders, her gaze sparkling with soft affection. "I'm offering," she told Mon-El and didn't pull back until he'd nodded in acceptance.

* * *

 

Kara followed Lena into the elevator and across poorly lit hallways. They walked side by side but the blonde felt a strange urge to falter and move a step behind. She didn't though, because she realized she was getting nervous and she knew that she couldn't afford the feeling. Instead, Kara plastered a well-crafted mask onto her face and clenched her jaw, adapting into a different persona she wasn't dressed as yet. Her glasses felt foreign resting atop her nose and the regular clothes almost made her skin itch with discomfort. She didn't want to be Kara Danvers at the moment. She needed the power of her cape and the familiarity of her leather skirt. Perhaps even a little bit of her friend's confidence could be useful as well.

"What are we going to tell Sam?" Lena asked, disrupting the silence as well as Kara's racing thoughts.

"I'm not sure," the heroine responded, mouth pursing in uncertainty.

The two stopped outside a room where a diaphanous glass took over half a wall. Inside they could see Sam, sitting on a bed, her head bowed and one hand tapping against her leg. The sight made Kara's shoulders tense up and her breath hitched. She wasn't sure why she was so wound up over this. It was just Sam...for now. Still, the longer she looked at her friend the more Kara could see hints of Reign behind the human face. She wasn't afraid, of course not, but the realization had her on edge, the weight of the situation settling upon her tired shoulders.

"I don't think it's a good idea to reveal my identity to Sam," Kara stated, her voice stronger than she was feeling at the moment. Yet when she looked into Lena's eyes, her doubt was visible, and the brunette caught onto it pretty quickly.

Lena reached out and squeezed Kara's hand. "I'm as worried as you are," she said.

The blonde raised a brow at that, surprise flashing across her features. "Really?"

Lena nodded and offered a shy smile.

"You're definitely hiding it better than me then," Kara shook her head and looked down at her shoes.

"I'm not sure Supergirl showing up out of the blue is a good idea either," the CEO noted, a skeptical expression dawning on her face. "Sam might trust your alter-ego or she might not. She really isn't in a good place right now. She's scared. Perhaps I should talk to her alone. I've known her for years, I can calm her down, explain what's going in, and then I can try to convince her to come to you. It will all be on her own terms. It should be easier for her if she's the one asking for help instead of you coming here to take her without giving her much of an option."

Kara bit her lip in concentration and offered her friend a reluctant nod. "You're right," she said, "but Lena, I'm not here to take her against her will, I only want to help."

"I know that," Lena glanced at Sam before turning back to look at Kara, "but you're not working alone, and I won't lie and say I trust your people when I haven't even met them. I don't expect Sam to be so trusting of strangers either," she moved her head in a negative manner.

"They're not all strangers," Kara mumbled back, quiet protest in her tone. She felt like she was being attacked and had to defend herself, yet at the same time she could see Lena's point. "There's Mon-El and Alex and Winn, you know them, you know they're good people," she said and didn't miss Lena's surprise at the names mentioned. A part of her was expecting Lena to huff, to get mad, to blame her for keeping more secrets. But that didn't happen.

"I knew Alex wasn't FBI!" the brunette exclaimed instead, a gleam in her sapphire eyes.

Kara chuckled at that, albeit not with a full heart. "Please tell her that, she thinks she's so much better at hiding what she does than I am."

"Please," Lena scoffed dramatically, "you're both terrible."

"We still fooled you though," Kara volleyed back, a smirk tingling her lips.

"Once," the brunette noted. "Won't happen again," she added with a smug face.

"So what do we do?" the blonde asked, sobering up.

"Let me handle it," Lena replied, voice soft even though her eyes looked determined. "I'll text you when we're ready to meet your superhero self," she promised.

"Are you sure? Maybe I should stick close, what if she turns into Reign and attacks you?"

"I can protect myself, Kara, don't worry."

Kara scrunched her face up in concentration. still doubtful and worried. She had a bad feeling, but she wasn't sure what it was. Nor was she confident about how much she could pressure Lena. For some reason, after she revealed her alien identity, their dynamic had changed, but not in a way Kara had expected. It wasn't about distrust or anger, those two Kara had prepared herself for. There was a kind of subtle reluctance from Lena's side and the blonde didn't know what to think of it. Perhaps the reluctance wasn't there because of her, Lena had trusted her to let her know about Sam right away after all. Maybe the truth was exactly what Lena had just said—she didn't trust the people SupergirI worked with and not Supergirl herself. Still, the heroine didn't let go of the uneasiness, she held it close, in case it actually meant something.

"If you're sure," the blonde complied at last and began to walk away after the CEO offered her a reassuring smile.

* * *

 

The DEO was uncharacteristically quiet that afternoon. Agents were roaming around, J'onn was nowhere to be seen, and Winn was bent over his desk examining something he certainly shouldn't without protective gear. All in all, it was a typical day, but the thing is, there'd been too many disasters lately for the aforementioned setting to be normal. It seemed like the calm before the storm in a sense.

Kara landed on the balcony in her usual fashion; with a practiced ease and a serious expression. A commanding aura surrounded her from the moment she stepped foot into the building, despite the fact that it wasn't intentional. Her arrival didn't stand out, although it did attract numerous glances and gazes, and she nodded her greetings to the ones who paused what they were doing to bid her a polite hello.

The blonde walked ahead while checking her phone. Lena had texted her that things had been going well with Sam, but it'd been some time since Kara had received an update and she had started to worry. A part of her was tempted to fly back to L-Corp and eavesdrop on her two friends' conversation, ready to swoop in if anything suspicious happened. But she knew she couldn't do that. Lena would surely get mad if she did. So Kara stayed in the DEO instead, having called a meeting prior to her arrival.

As convenient as working alone could be sometimes, Supergirl knew that wasn't her case, because she'd chosen otherwise. Therefore she couldn't make decisions all by herself, like tell Lena to bring Reign right into the DEO, and not inform the rest of her team. Sure, Sam wasn't really Reign, and Lena had helped her to face a crisis before, but still Kara had people she looked to and answered to, hence the meeting.

One by one her group started to show up after the blonde had exchanged a few words and jokes with Winn. Alex was the first one, then followed J'onn and a little later Mon-El. A smile tingled Kara's lips when the latter appeared, threatening to break free through her pursed mouth. He was alone and dressed in jeans, paired with a plain t-shirt she recognized—it was one she'd bought for him several months before. However, when Kara looked over Mon-El, her hidden smile quickly faltered. She noticed the stiffness in his movements and the darkened expression that had once again befallen his handsome face. And she hated the fact that she couldn't ask him what was wrong, why he looked so troubled and sad again.

Kara kept her eyes on Mon-El for longer than it would be considered appropriate. She threw him a questioning glance that he didn't seem to notice and after failing to decipher the secrets behind his heavy gaze, she turned her head elsewhere. With only a brief delay, she started relaying the latest information she'd gathered about Sam and Reign. She told them everything Lena had shared with her, as well as the deal the two had agreed on.

"Are you sure about her?" J'onn asked the blonde, his arms crossed against his chest.

Kara nodded in response. "I am," she said, "I know it's risky to bring Lena here but think about how much she can help. You know she's smart, and she cares about Sam as much as I do, she won't cause any trouble, I promise," she reassured the Martian.

"And Sam," Alex spoke this time, "are we absolutely sure she's Reign?"

"Her blackouts align with all of Reign's appearances, and Lena texted me that Sam doesn't remember anything about Reign except what she saw later on the news."

"So what will we do with her? When she comes here?" Winn wondered.

"We're not locking her up," Kara stated, her tone harsh and authoritative so as to prevent any upcoming arguments. "We will secure an area and keep her monitored. And we will work _with_ her, not against her. Sam must be our priority, not Reign," she emphasized.

"I agree," Alex added.

Nobody else talked and Kara cast a glance around. She saw Mon-El biting his lip, with his brows furrowed and looking deep in thought. "Mon-El?" she called out softly, subtly asking for his intel.

The man in question met her eyes but it took him a second to realize he'd been called upon. With a gentle shake of his head he opened his mouth to speak. "So according to Lena, Reign and Sam are coexisting in one body," he summed up, a questioning tilt in his voice.

Kara nodded.

"And their DNA is mixed but different," he continued.

Kara nodded again.

"That means they can be separated. If they're two different people with two different consciousnesses then Reign can be taken out without hurting Sam."

The blonde narrowed her eyes at him. "What are you saying?" she asked.

"She's like a hybrid," Mon-El pointed out, "two entities sharing one body. Normally the two can coexist but when one side is fighting the other for dominance that can result in a battle of appearances. One minute it's Sam, the next it's Reign, it depends on which half gains control each time," he explained.

"How do you know so much about this?" Kara asked.

"I've told you I've fought hybrids before," Mon-El replied. "They're quite common in the future actually."

"Have you beat any?"

"Lots," he nodded.

"How?" Kara asked again.

"With black kryptonite," he said, "we can use it to split Reign from Sam. The first minutes after the separation are when the two halves are the weakest. Right now Reign is relying on Sam to exist, if we take away Sam we can take Reign out."

"And where can we find black kryptonite?"

"We can't find it, we have to make it."


	12. Chapter 12

Mon-El sat quietly as he waited for Winn to come back to the lab. He'd retreated after the meeting with Kara and the others, having taken it upon himself to oversee the whole process of creating black kryptonite, to make sure everything would go according to plan. And as Kara had been requested to stay away as a safety measure, Mon-El knew the lab was the perfect place to avoid her without making his intentions blatantly obvious.

He looked at her necklace in his palm, closed his fist around it, opened it up again just to repeat the motion. His throat was dry and his chest was caving into itself, a sense of fear had captured his mind and it felt like his skin was crawling. After his conversation with Imra he'd spiraled, losing his grip of reality and walking around only half-awake. The other half of his consciousness was trapped somewhere that didn't quite resemble a dream, but it was delirious enough not to match a memory either. It was _t_ _hat_  day he'd been haunted by, that day when he'd lost _h_ _er_  for the last time.

However, as real as it used to be, Kara's heartbeat echoed in his ears realer than the reminiscences, and he got lost in the rhythm, in that familiar _t_ _hud thud thud_. It soothed him, but the paralyzing fear was too strong to be mellowed, and Mon-El fell right into its daze whenever he was alone for more than a minute. His head was restless and he didn't want a break, he didn't want the chaos to halt, because as long as Kara was in danger his world couldn't know peace. But he didn't want to be around her either, for her presence was alluring, and the closer he got to the day when it all could end, the more his need for her grew.

He'd noticed that the more time he spent here, in Kara's time, the further back he went. Pieces of who he once had been came alive, pieces he'd spent years trying to bury, to forget. And certain emotions he'd been trying to avoid stirred up, like they'd never faded, never dulled, even though he'd tried to convince himself as such. That morning he'd woken up beside Imra, surrounded by her smell and her breathing patterns and her warm figure. Yet at the moment, mere hours later, Mon-El couldn't say it was her he longed for. He couldn't say it was beside her he was supposed to be standing.

Walking in, Winn found him like that: dazed, tight-lipped, and with his head slightly bowed. "Hey, you okay?" he asked and approached his friend.

Mon-El turned his face to look at him. "Of course," he said, but his voice was fleeting, like he didn't fully know what he was replying to. Winn raised a brow at him and Mon-El wiggled in his seat. After a couple of seconds, spent staring at each other with subtle antagonism, the hero sighed in defeat. "It's just- it's been an eventful morning," he admitted.

Winn grimaced. "Is that secret code for 'bad'? 'Cause that's what your face is telling me," he motioned with a finger.

"That obvious, huh?"

The I.T nodded. "So...are you gonna tell me what the matter is?"

Mon-El contemplated for a moment. He stood up and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Do you remember what I told you the first day I was here? I mean, after you found me in the Legion ship and locked me up?" he started.

"You're still bitter about that one, aren't you?" Winn cut in.

The alien shrugged. He didn't speak right away, only raised his brows in a silent question.

"You said a few things that day, dude, what exactly are we talking about?"

Mon-El inhaled deeply. "Before you broke me out of the cell, I told you that I had to get to my ship because Kara would get hurt," he reminded.

"Right, yeah, I remember," Winn responded. "Hard to forget something like that. Although you never told me what you meant exactly."

"It doesn't matter now. Kara did get hurt."

"Oh man," green eyes widened. "Kara's fight with Reign was what you were talking about? You knew? Why didn't you warn us? Why didn't you warn Kara?"

"I thought that I didn't have to," Mon-El said and tried to swallow, although his mouth was dry. "I came here to stop that very fight."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"I'm not here by accident, Winn. I'm on a mission, to save Kara's life."

"Are you serious right now?"

Mon-El nodded in response. "But-" he cleared his throat, "but something's changed. I don't know if I'm the one who did it, but the timeline is messed up."

"What do you mean it's messed up?" Winn exclaimed. "If you came to save Kara then you're all set, Kara is fine."

"Look," the hero's face darkened, "I know you can understand that there are some things I'm aware of but can't share, things that happen in the future that it's best if nobody finds out about. And this mission, it's not just about me, about my own selfish reasons. I'm not here as the man who wants to save the woman he loves. It's more complicated than that."

"Care to explain?"

"If Kara dies," Mon-El paused, " _when_ Kara dies," he corrected himself, "that has a direct impact not only on this time, right now, but on my time as well."

"What? Like the butterfly effect?" Winn wondered.

"Something like that," came the reply.

"How bad is it? I mean, how badly can you all be affected after so many years?"

"It's worse than you think. The Earth you know and the Earth I've been living on, they're two different places," the Daxamite explained. "Things might be bad now, but trust me, the violence, the wars, the destruction I have witnessed, you got no idea what it's like. And Supergirl's death is a big part of it. Right now a thousand years ahead, the Earth is alone and it's surrounded by enemies. An intergalactic war is brewing and the Legion is barely holding the peace treaty from breaking."

"Yeah, that definitely doesn't sound like a walk in the park. But I don't understand. What does Kara have to do with all this?" Winn was still confused. His head was reeling and it showed in his face, in his stiffened body. "Why do you think she's going to die so soon? No offense, dude, but do you have records of this? Are you absolutely sure about what happens and when?"

"I thought I was. But I'm not so sure now. Look, Winn, like I said, things are complicated. This is not my first time traveling back here."

"You've come back again?" he asked.

"I have," Mon-El admitted. "And I saw Kara die. I've already lived it all once, I've seen how it was supposed to play out."

"I'm sensing there's a but in there."

The hero avoided eye contact but nodded nonetheless. "Things have changed, the events have changed, or they haven't, I don't even know at this point," he shook his head. "And I've barely done anything, this can't be because of me," he turned to look at his friend again.

"So let me get this straight, 'cause you're really confusing right now. You say that you've traveled to the past once already, and you've seen Kara's death, right?"

"Yeah."

"But you're on a mission to save Kara, because apparently her existence, or lack thereof, messes up with the future."

"Correct."

"And since you failed the first time, you decided to try again, but instead of the timeline carrying out the same way till the point where you prevent Supergirl's death, things are different this time around."

"Yes. I mean no." Mon-El sighed. "I don't know."

"You're not helping me figure this out," Winn complained with a whine. "How can you not know?"

"Because things don't appear different here, now, but if I had really altered the timeline the future would have changed."

"Which I'm guessing did not happen."

Mon-El made a negative sound in his throat before pursing his lips.

"And how do you know this? If you're still here how do you know what the future is like?"

"Brainy. He's programmed to receive data about all the changes still happening in the 31st century."

Winn hummed and scratched his barely-stubbly cheek. "You still haven't answered my question," he pointed out.

"Which one?" Mon-El asked.

"What does Kara have to do with the troubles of the future?"

"You're underestimating her impact on this world," the hero's face softened and he sighed. "Supergirl did not only save lives and prevented tragedies, she was a symbol to the people of this planet. She represented hope, and compassion, and help. You know her, Winn, I don't have to tell you how important she is. But without her to hold onto, without her to encourage them to have an open mind, humans become xenophobic and desperate. As they discover how vast our universe is, as they see how many aliens there are out there, they start to feel afraid. They think that everyone's out to get them. And that will lead them to doing some terrible things. Firstly it's aliens and then they turn against one another. There will be plenty of world wars throughout the centuries if there's no one to guide them, to make them see reason," he explained, and then he tensed up, because he realized he'd shared much more than he should have.

"Wait, what about Superman?" Winn wondered.

"Superman will try his best, but even he won't be strong enough to fight two wars at once. Kara is his cousin, he won't be the same after she's gone."

"Superman is still around in your time?"

Mon-El shook his head. "He's been missing for decades, nobody knows what's happened to him. But news of his absence has spread and now more and more planets have sided against Earth. Imra and I found a temporary solution to hold them off but we don't know how long it will last."

"Why don't you- I don't know- ask Kara to take a trip in time with you?" the human of the two suggested. "If she's the key to protecting Earth then I'm sure she'll be more than willing to help out."

"That's not how it works, Winn. And besides, what's important is what she does here, how she shapes the world's views in her own time. We don't need another temporary solution, we need a permanent one," his gray eyes turned hazy for a second, drowning in uncertainty, even as his voice remained utterly sure. Winn had a feeling it wasn't the words causing Mon-El such notions but something else, something deeper.

"Have you talked to Kara about this?" he asked.

"No, you're the only one who knows. And I'd rather if you didn't tell anyone what I've told you. I can trust you, right?"

"I'm offended you even have to ask me that, of course you can trust me."

"Good, good," Mon-El said and his shoulders relaxed.

"Hey, can I offer a piece of advice?"

"Sure."

"I know things with you and Kara are complicated, and I know you've moved on from the life you had here, but you're still part of the team, and you can still ask for help if you decide that you need it. This thing you've got going on, it's tough, but you don't have to shoulder it alone. You have me, and no matter what's happened these last seven months, you still got Kara and J'onn and Alex too," Winn assured.

"You really mean that?" Mon-El couldn't help but doubt. He bit his bottom lip and looked at the floor while he awaited an answer.

"I do," his friend replied. "Now come on, we got some black kryptonite to create."

"Right," the hero realized. A brief pause followed but he spoke once more. "Thanks," he looked at Winn, "for everything."

"It's nothing," Winn dismissed him with a subtle smile. "But when all this is over and everyone is saved, you owe me a beer," he added.

Mon-El chucked. "Whatever you want," he said and they began to work.

* * *

 

When Lena and Sam arrived at the DEO, Alex was the first person to greet them. Kara had thought that seeing the face of a friend, a face Sam knew could trust, would work in their favor when the blonde appeared next, suited up and meaning business. She let Alex do most of the talking and explaining, although the reassurances and promises were hers to express. And she didn't dare relax until Sam had stopped eyeing her suspiciously.

The group of four headed toward the med bay, a section of which had been prepared for Sam's arrival. The tension was almost palpable, the awkwardness felt by all, and for a moment Kara wished that she'd told Sam the truth about who she really was. She wished that she could show her true face, prove that she wasn't an enemy, she only wanted to help. But she couldn't do that. So, she walked a step behind everyone, kept her voice low to appear nonthreatening, and she tried not to allow Sam's side glances weaken her resolve. After all, the DEO was her territory, and she shouldn't be feeling insecure there. She was the one who had to step up and take control of the situation now. Because she was the hero, and she was the one who called the shots, the one who had to do the saving.

"So this is where you'll be staying until we figure this thing out. It's not that fancy, but it's the best we could do on such short notice," Alex explained when they all stepped into 'Sam's room'.

A diaphanous wall separated the bed meant for the brunette from the rest of the med bay area. The wall was reinforced, strong enough to withstand brutal force, like the ones the alien cells had. The ceiling was covered by red sun lamps, although Alex wasn't sure those would work on Reign, and there were multiple lead cases filled with kryptonite in various forms. All in all, J'onn had made sure they would be prepared for the worst, just in case, although Kara hoped they wouldn't get to that.

As Alex continued to assure Sam and explain all the tests needed to be done, Kara and Lena stood a few steps back whilst the blonde listed all the security measures taken around the place. She did not only do that because she'd promised Lena no secrets concerning Sam would be kept, but also because Kara wanted to make sure her friend would be safe and able to protect her own self if need be. Then the pair joined the other two and the heroine began going over the separation process.

"I'd like to make one thing clear," Kara addressed Sam toward the end of her monologue. "I know this isn't going to be easy for you, but you have to remember that we're all here to help you. It's not just me, Alex and Lena, there's a group of people working on ridding you from Reign, people who care and in no way want to hurt you. However, if Reign comes out and she gets out of control, I will have to step in to protect you and everyone else. I can't make compromises about that."

Sam nodded in response. "I know," she said, "and I don't expect anything less from you." Her voice was strong, holding its own kind of confidence and power, and that wasn't lost on Kara. "Look, I don't know what's going to happen to me, but I trust you. Do whatever needs to be done, I just want this monster out of me."

"We'll take her out, I promise," the blonde replied. "But Sam? That monster is not you. Don't forget this. I know what it's like to have your brain altered and twisted, making you do things you never would have done under normal circumstances, things you never wanted to do. I know what it's like to be afraid of your own self. But Reign isn't you. You didn't kill anyone, and you won't hurt anyone, even if she does. And soon enough you'll be free of her. What she is and what she's done, it's not on you."

"Thank you," the brunette said quietly, stunned and beginning to feel hopeful at last.

Not much was said after that, as Alex and Lena started working on those tests Sam had to go through. And Kara didn't stay for long, forced to exit when additional kryptonite was brought in. They knew from Supergirl's previous fights with Reign that the Worldkiller's resistance to the green substance was much stronger than Kara's. So when the blonde's skin started glowing faintly, when her muscles started to twitch ever so slightly in obvious discomfort bordering on pain, Alex threw her sister a pointed look and kicked her out with a commanding "you, out".

* * *

 

Exiting the med bay, Kara wasn't sure what to do next. She felt a little anxious and a little restless. Knowing everyone was occupied and deep into work, while she had to stay away and pretend she wasn't feeling useless, made her drag her feet and slump her shoulders. She had half a mind to fly out and soar through the city, scan for any sign of disarray or messy situation she could lend a helping hand in, but there was a familiar voice echoing inside her head, daunting her, keeping her from doing just that.

_"If you go looking for trouble, trouble you shall find,"_ Mon-El had told her once, a long time ago, but she had never really grasped the meaning of it until that very moment. Amidst a war and with powerful enemies waiting for the right moment to strike, it wasn't the time to act carelessly and go out there alone and without precautions taken beforehand. Kara knew it, thus she stayed put.

She looked around, hoping to find something to busy herself, but the place was in perfect order and the agents on shift didn't even spare her a glance. The blonde sighed and decided to head for the balcony. Maybe she could come up with an excuse to stop by CatCo, despite it being her day off. Or she could fly home until Alex requested her presence again.

Amidst her dilemma, Kara caught a glimpse of familiar black leather, which made her stall, both her steps and thoughts stopping abruptly as well. She observed him for a second, her eyes sliding up and down his strong figure, and remained quiet so as not to startle him. Then she inched closer slowly, giving him time to zero in on her presence.

Nevertheless, Mon-El didn't seem to catch on, so Kara decided to speak at last. "You're doing the hand thing," she said and her voice broke him out of his trance.

"Hmm?" Mon-El turned around, face unfocused.

"Your hand," she pointed, gentleness coating her tone, "it's shaking."

Gray eyes looked down and brows furrowed at the sight. "Oh," he mumbled, "I didn't realize."

Kara nodded and walked up the steps. She approached Mon-El and stood close to him, mimicking his stance and resting an elbow on the concrete. "Alex kicked me out," she said with a grimace.

Mon-El chuckled.

"Don't laugh at me," she pouted playfully.

"Sorry," he pursed his lips to hold back his smile. "How's it going? Everything okay in there?" he asked, changing the subject.

"I think so," the blonde shrugged a shoulder. "I mean, Sam has been cooperative so far. And she hasn't recognized me yet."

Mon-El nodded.

"What about you guys?" she asked.

"Um..." he scratched his chin, "Winn kicked me out too actually."

It was Kara's turn to laugh now. "Why? What did you do? Touched his nerf gun? I should've warned you, he's very protective of that one!"

"Yeah, I know!" Mon-El's eyes widened, as if he'd actually been shocked to have found that out.

"Seriously, what happened?" the blonde asked after they'd sobered up again.

Mon-El's face fell. His gaze fleeted away, turning to glance at the city's view. "Nothing, everything is...uh...fine," he cleared his throat, "everything is fine."

"Mon-El," Kara raised her brows expectantly, not convinced in the slightest.

The man in question sighed before speaking again. "He said I was thinking too loudly and distracting him."

"Why would he say that?"

"'Cause maybe I was?"

The heroine narrowed her eyes. "Do you want to talk about it?" she ventured, tone reluctant and unsure.

Mon-El tensed up at the question. He shifted his weight from one foot to another and his mouth twitched. "I don't know- I don't know if I should."

"It's okay if you'd rather not to but-" blue and gray met, "I'm here for you. We're still friends, right?"

"Friends," Mon-El repeated, thinking it over for a second, testing the word upon his tongue. "Yeah, yeah we are," he agreed in a weak tone.

"So? Are you going to tell me what's on your mind? Maybe I can help."

"Okay," he inhaled deeply, as if he was gathering courage. "It's about me being here," he said.

"What about it?"

"I haven't told you the whole truth about how I got here."

"I thought it was an accident? That your ship fell into that disruption?"

"Yeah, that's part of the truth. But there's more. I didn't time-travel by accident, that was intentional. I just wasn't planning to land," he paused briefly, "here," he confessed.

"What- what does that mean?" Kara wondered. "You knew you could come back but you didn't want to see me?" Her eyes welled up at the realization, disbelief and heartache weaving into one and piercing her chest. She swallowed hard, trying to hold the tears back, the same tears she'd sworn she'd never cry again. But there Mon-El was, blatantly rejecting her, and the blonde couldn't help it. It hurt.

Mon-El looked taken aback at the question. "No, no, Kara, that's not-" he shook his head, "that's not what I meant."

"I don't understand," Kara replied, voice emotionless and sharp in an attempt to keep her feelings under control.

"I didn't know that I could come back until shortly before I did it. You don't know, Kara, you have no idea how long I spent trying to find a way back to you. When I first landed in the 31st century, I didn't care about anything else. I didn't see anything else. There was only you. Just you."

"You're being honest about this?" she still doubted.

"I am," Mon-El nodded, "I swear to you, I tried everything I could to find a way back. I searched everywhere for you, in case you were still alive. I didn't sleep for weeks at first, because all I wanted was to find you, and I didn't give up for years until-" he stopped abruptly and his eyes went dark, pupils blowing as memories replayed in his head so vivid like he was actually reliving them.

"Until?" Kara's forehead creased. Mon-El took a deep breath in, his nostrils flaring, and his hand started shaking again. Kara noticed but opted not to say anything. She just silently waited for his answer.

"Until I found something out. Something that answered a lot of questions I'd formed during my time in the future," he said, still as cryptic as ever.

"Is it something you can share?" she asked and nodded in understanding when Mon-El shook his head in a negative manner.

"I can tell you that it's the reason why I'm here, though. It's something that I'm trying to prevent, because the consequences are affecting my time in ways you can't imagine."

Kara hummed in acknowledgement, a thoughtful expression crossing her features. "Are you sure about this? About disrupting the timeline, I mean."

"Trust me, if I don't do this, billions of lives will be lost. I can't just stand by and watch it happen, I've already lost too many."

"Mon-El," the blonde choked out, his words hitting her hard. "What's going on? What are you talking about?"

"It's bad, Kara, the future is not as great as you think."

Mon-El looked away again and Kara couldn't take it any longer. She reached out and grabbed his hand, the one still shaking. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"I just- I wish I could tell you everything. I wish I had found a way back sooner. But things are different now; you're fighting a war and I'm already losing mine," he stressed.

Blue eyes filled with concern and lips curved in a frown. "Hey," she called out softly, "everything is going to be okay, you can do this, I believe in you," she told Mon-El, and as soon as the words had slipped out Kara realized just how much she'd needed to say them. She'd needed to tell him that he still amazed her, and he'd made her proud. She hadn't because things were too complicated to be able to express such sincerity, but that didn't mean she hadn't felt it or thought about it. _Of course_  she had.

Mon-El squeezed his fingers around Kara's, breathing a little easier now. "Thank you," he said, "it means a lot."

"Of course," the blonde replied and smiled at him. "You know I trust you. And I'm here to help. Besides, I have to repay the favor for everything you've been doing for us -for me- these last weeks."

Mon-El returned the smile, albeit reluctantly, and his eyes sparkled a little. "Can I...?"

Kara nodded right away, lips pulling back, teeth showing. She let him wrap his arms around her loosely, and when she hugged him back tightly he gathered enough courage to do so too. The hug didn't last long, but it lasted enough to leave them both with a pair of hearts pounding inside their chests. And if there were any old feelings coming back alive, igniting themselves between cracks and faded hopes, the two didn't realize, at least not at the moment. What they did realize, however, was how much they'd missed being that close, felling one another and reveling in that sensation of safety they hadn't had a taste of in way too long.


	13. Chapter 13

Behind the wall Kara stood, watching as Alex and Lena wired Sam to half a dozen different monitors and specially-designed medical equipment. The brunette's eyes were bloodshot, from weariness and all the tests she'd struggled through during the day, but she was resilient. With her mouth pressed in a straight line and her fists balled up, she continued to follow orders and nod along to every request, not a sound of complaint slipping past her mouth. She answered questions, endured the pain, completed every single physical and mental examination the pair of scientists deemed necessary.

Hours passed and despite all the science talk flying over Kara's head, she stayed there, a steady figure for Sam to rest her dull gaze upon. She counted the time and tried to memorize every detail rattled or mumbled by the other two, feeling a deep sense of responsibility for her friend and the predicament they'd all found themselves in.

A deep frown had permanently stained the blonde's face, and the crinkle between her brows wouldn't fade, but she didn't say a thing. She just watched, a safe distance away but still close enough to intervene if need be. The longer they spent without any significant progress made, the tighter her chest squeezed and her lungs screamed for more space. Yet, the heroine couldn't do anything other than wait, hoping for something her mind fought against, something that made her hands tremble out of fear and uncertainty.

They were expecting for that flash of bloody red; that look of pure, uncontrollable need to kill Reign's eyes held inside. But to bring out Reign they had to drown Sam, they had to let go of their friend in order to force the monster back to the surface. That wasn't an easy task, but more importantly, it wasn't an easy thing to witness. Kara's heart was heavy and she was sure Alex's and Lena's were too.

Another attempt failed, another chorus of sighs and curses were heard, and then, finally, the devilish scarlet made an appearance. Immediately, Kara tensed up and her face hardened. Alex and Lena moved back and stood beside her, each with a tablet in their hands, and they all waited for the Worldkiller to acknowledge them. It took her a minute, the kryptonite running along her veins weakening her responses, but eventually her eyes locked with Kara's.

"You. What have you done?" she spoke, her voice sharp. She tried to move and when she realized she'd been tied down and unable to reach her enemy, her eyes turned even colder — if such a thing was even possible.

Kara crossed her arms in front of her chest, her stance showing dominance. "You did say it wasn't over," she responded, her tone holding a kind of arrogance she definitely wasn't feeling. But she played it off, and it added to her lacking confidence until she could breathe a little easier. "And it seems like I'm the one winning right now."

"You will not stand in my way," Reign threatened. "I will cleanse this world of its sins, that is my purpose."

"Killing people and destroying whole cities is your purpose? What about the innocents caught in the crossfire?"

"I will do whatever it takes to fix this world."

"The world doesn't need fixing, you're the one who does."

Reign laughed; an emotionless, bitter sound escaping her lips and making the other three women's skin crawl.

Kara wasn't afraid though. She took a step closer to the Worldkiller, the clear wall still separating them, and spoke in perfect kryptonian: "National City has chosen its hero. I won't let you hurt anyone else."

Resign's mouth twitched to form a smirk. "You are no god," she responded in English, "just as I am no devil. All I am is truth, and judgment, and death, and I will reign."

The blonde seethed, her teeth gritting together. "When I am done with you, you will be no more," she promised, her fists clenching. "You won't take any more lives. This is not your world to save. It's mine."

As angry as Supergirl was, Reign couldn't sympathize. She wasn't programmed to feel such notions. She was cold and calm and driven to cause pain. That was all she knew. And Kara knew that too, which only fueled the fury burning inside her.

The villain ignored her, closing her eyes and turning her head the other way. It looked like she was trying to focus on something, which caused the blonde to quirk a brow. Kara opened up her senses, her own eyes falling shut as well, but she couldn't hear anything.

"What is she doing?" Lena cut in, disrupting the brief silence.

"I don't know," Kara turned to look at her friend. "I don't hear anything."

"They're coming for me," Reign whispered from her bed. "And when they do, I'm going to kill you," she addressed the heroine once again.

"Sedate her," the latter scoffed in response and turned to walk out. She only stalled long enough to see Reign's skin glowing green and her eyes rolling to the back of her head, and before her limp body had hit the mattress, the color of her skin had returned to normal. She was Sam again; awfully human and completely harmless for the time being.

* * *

 

In the middle of the night he felt like there existed only two things: his restless mind and his tired heart. Within a brightly illuminated city, with a darkened roof above his head of a million golden splotches, he leaned against a wall and observed it all. His gaze wandered and his breath appeared as fog in front of him, yet the weight on his shoulders didn't let him lift his head high.

He was alone, truly alone, and he couldn't say it was a new feeling. His limps were begging him for some rest, his mind longing for some sleep, but Mon-El knew he had nowhere to go. Fear crept up his chest, desperation licked at his wounds, and if you asked him what time it was, he wouldn't be able to tell. The night had passed him by and there he stood, lost in a world of his own.

He couldn't go back to the ship because he didn't want to see Imra or the other two. He didn't know whether he could trust them until his mission was over — because as much as they had tried to convince him they were all together in this, he knew it wasn't completely true, it wasn't their responsibility nor their duty to save Kara.

Additionally, Mon-El had been feeling a dichotomous unease lately. Familiarity pulled him toward his team, toward his wife and his friends, and yet at the same time his gaze was focused elsewhere. He looked at Kara and he wanted to run to her, wanted to yell everything out until he was left empty and weak and bare enough to deserve her forgiveness. He wanted to feel secure again, and only Kara could fill him up with that notion. Only she could whisper to his heart and rid it of its demons until he didn't feel like he was fighting for his life anymore.

Memories flashed before his eyes and panic rose up to his chest. He needed _her_ , that much he knew, that much he could admit. But it was all so messed up and he was losing it. He didn't want to think that he was torn between two women, because it wasn't just that, it wasn't that simple. Perhaps he was mostly torn between two selves, only he couldn't exactly tell them apart. It was easy to differentiate between Imra and Kara, Daxam and Earth, the past and the future, the prince and the hero, the bartender and the leader. It was easy to think in two's and distance himself from the parts of him he'd completely detached from. But how could he do that with the parts he'd been thrust back into? How could he be the same person when he already knew he'd started to change? There were a lot of two's still left, but he was only one, no matter how hard he'd tried to dissociate from his past self. And the biggest problem was that he liked that particular past left, he used to be happy like that, and he currently felt like he had to deny his own heart; like he had to break it not in two but completely, so it would forget that such peace had ever existed inside of him.

But how can you break an already broken heart? How can you make it forget what it hadn't for seven whole years? Mon-El knew he'd walked right into a trap, and he knew that no matter which way out he chose he'd still leave his cage regretful and bruised. So he did nothing for the time being. He just stood there; struggling to breathe, struggling to live, counting seconds and minutes and hours, until he decided to count steps instead. Then he started walking, not knowing where he was going, not caring where he was headed. He just walked until his lungs stopped constricting and his skin stopped crawling. He walked until the fog had cleared from his eyes and he could see properly again. And it was no surprise that when he stopped walking, the only thing he could hear loud and clear was his own voice telling him one simple thing: " _Save her_ ".

Thus naturally, Mon-El thought of her arms wrapped around him, of her eyes staring right into his own, of her trusting words soothing the chronic ache inside of him, and he wondered how he could ever let her go again. Because he would save her, that much was certain, but then they'd have to say goodbye again. He would have to walk away and this time there would be no excuse behind which he could hide; simply because this time it would be his own choice.

* * *

 

_"Kara," Mon-EI let his gun faII to the ground but didn't take his eyes off of her. His skin was glowing with sweat, his breathing troubled, and yet, he didn't seem to care about anything other than who was standing right in front of him._

_Similarly, Kara took the image in. She didn't blink, didn't speak, she just stared; stunned and unable to form any words. She took a step closer to him, then another, then another, and before anything else could be said she cupped his face and let her fingers dig into his cheeks as if she feared he'd slip away. She hugged him and clang to him with aII the need and desperation she'd been drowning in for the past seven months, and when he hugged her back, that was all she needed to know he was real._

_They stayed like that for what felt like minutes; both clinging and reluctant to let go. Kara sniffled and bareIy held back tears, but Mon-El was silent, swaying ever so slightly and resting his weight completely onto the blonde. His smell was the same and his touch achingly familiar, luring Kara into a daze as she held him close. Nevertheless, she hadn't missed his unfocused gaze and the weariness weighing on his unsteady figure._

_"Hey," she whispered, pulling back to look at him. Her arms stayed around him, still holding him up. "Are you okay?"_

_Mon-El tensed up at the question, his nostrils flaring. "I-" he started but looked like he'd lost his words. "I'm-" he tried again but then shook his head and sighed in defeat._

_"I got you," Kara assured, her voice firm but gentle. "I got you."_

_"Kara," his tongue darted out to wet his dry lips, "I found you," he breathed out and his eyelids fell shut, an intense tremor piercing through his body._

_"J'onn, call Alex, he needs a doctor," the blonde said but didn't dare divert her focus elsewhere._

_Mon-El shook his head slightly again, his gloomy gaze revealing itself. "I'm okay," he mumbled, "I'm okay." Trembling hands lifted up to Kara's cheeks and a phantom smile flashed across his lips. "I found you," he repeated as if he was having trouble believing the words._

_"I'm here," Kara reassured once more. Her heart was pounding inside her chest and a wave of relief washed over her. Finally, he was back, and it didn't matter how many months she had spent waiting for that moment, daydreaming about the day she'd get to hold him again. It didn't matter because she couldn't see anything past him, couldn't think anything past him. He'd overtaken each one of her senses and she'd be lying if she said she wasn't happy about it._

_She stayed by Mon-El's side every second that followed. On the journey back to the DEO and through the tests she'd insisted the doctors run to make sure he was okay, Kara held his hand and didn't let go. Her eyes were glued on him, afraid to stray away, to miss him even for the briefest of seconds. And Mon-El wasn't any different. He clang to Kara's hand, and although he barely uttered a few words out, he couldn't refrain from glancing at her repeatedly, like he shared the same fear._

_The room filled with people and quickly emptied out, questions withheld in favor of greetings and welcome back's. After, the blonde sat next to Mon-El's bed and tried to coax him to sleep. It wasn't that easy, however, and Kara was reminded of all those late nights they'd spent on the couch: Mon-El fighting to keep his eyes open while the heroine worked on her latest article. She would urge and prompt and budge, but he would never go to bed without her. Even when he could barely maintain a sitting position, or when he slipped in and out of sleep beside her and needlessly forced himself into a fitful rest, he'd still insist on waiting for her._

_"I'm not going anywhere," she mumbled, leaning down to kiss Mon-El's forehead. "Just sleep."_

_"No, Kara," he protested but was silenced by another kiss. At last, he nodded in compliance, eyes falling shut. He reached for her hand, causing Kara to smile, and squeezed._

_The blonde used another hand to brush his hair, fingers lowering slowly till they cupped his cheek. She caressed his skin and heard his breathing even out, but she didn't pull away. She wanted to map his face out, wanted to feel the tingles at the tips of her fingers every time she touched his beard. She wanted to learn him all over again, even though she actually hadn't forgotten a thing..._

It was still dark out when Kara awoke. She sat up, a fist rubbing an eye, and exhaled loudly. The dream was still playing inside her head, vivid and so very real. She could've sworn it felt more like a memory, a piece of her past that she'd gotten to relive. And yet, it wasn't real, because that wasn't what had happened when she'd found Mon-El. Perhaps it was what she'd wished for, what she'd hoped for, but still not what had actually occured.

She moved to get up but her eyes fell on his side of the bed. A hand crawled there, fingers searching for a figure long gone, only to grasp at nothing, at empty air and cold bedsheets. He'd left his stigma in the place and Kara had known it for months, but the hollow feeling inside her chest hadn't eased.

Surprisingly, the dream hadn't left her with that same hollowness. She'd expected it, had made her peace with it, but it wasn't there at the moment. There was a lightness instead, a relief, a smile, perhaps, tingling her mouth and softening its edges. It felt weird but Kara didn't dwell on it.

Slipping out of the covers and heading toward the kitchen, she played it all over in her head. She could still feel his hot breath against her neck, his hazy gaze clinging to her own, his hand squeezing hers so tightly and not letting go. She could still hear his voice -disbelieving and quiet- mumbling about finding her. And she could feel _him_ in a sense, the man she'd lost, the same one she'd expected to get back; without the distance and the secrets and the muffled words, without the otherworldliness, the sorrow, the fear that added a different aura to the person he was now and kept them apart; and most importantly, without the wife and the new life. In her dream he was still hers, still seeing only her, still looking only for her. And Rao, did it feel _real_ , did it feel like the only thing she knew and could count on…

Kara leaned against the counter, looking out at the sleeping city. Lit up but still snoring, the buildings stretched as far as her eyes could see. But it was unusually loud tonight — or so it seemed.

Craning her neck, the blonde focused. She let all the noises in, picked them apart and waltzed among them, searching for that one thing standing out. From lonely cars to hushed conversations to blaring sirens, she heard it all but didn't stall there. Her fingers drummed against the counter, a rhythm bouncing off the hard surface, and she tried harder to find its source. It didn't take long, just a couple of minutes, and then she found it.

Pounding _his_ heart was, fighting within its cage like a beast locked in a cell. It ran a marathon which had no end, and Kara knew that marathon, she knew that race. She'd run along with him too many nights in the past. She'd memorized the route, had discovered all its shortcuts, had carved a finish line where there was none. So, it was no surprise when she changed into her suit and flew out the window, ears stretching to locate him, eyes scanning the whole city. She passed the DEO but he wasn't there, flew above the Legion ship but his bed was empty. Thus Kara continued to look for him, his heartbeat still serving as her background melody.

She got closer as the smell of the ocean got stronger. Waves crashing against the shore and stars reflecting upon the agitated waters, nothing looked out of the ordinary at first. If she hadn't known better, she would've flown right over the beach, missing him completely. But she knew exactly where to look, what to pay closer attention to.

Finally, she found him; sitting in the sand, alone, with his head bowed and his arms wrapped around his bent knees. She found him; quiet and still and lost in a restless slumber. It wasn't strange, nor was it new. Mon-El used to love the ocean, he loved the colors and the sounds and the smells. On Daxam, they hadn't had many oceans and seas, only a few lakes scattered around, sparse and shallow. They'd had many rivers though — only those waters weren't suitable for swimming and the river banks could hardly serve as quiet spots to sit and take a breath.

Therefore, Mon-El had loved Earth's beaches, and even more so National City's own. He'd sneak there often and it hadn't been a rare occurrence for Kara to find him asleep sitting in the sand. The image was familiar to her, as was proven by the painful pang piercing through her chest. However, the blonde didn't follow their past routine. She didn't walk to Mon-El's side to wake him up with gentle kisses and soft words. She stayed in the air, floating a few feet above him, looking down at him with a bittersweet expression. She called his name out, tone barely louder than a whisper, and she only waited long enough to see him stir. But before his eyes had blinked open and his head had lifted, she'd gone away just like his nightmare had. The echo of her voice lingered, caressing his ears and confusing his already hazy mind, but Kara was nowhere to be found by the time Mon-El had looked around for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've reached this point, please consider leaving a comment, I'd love to know what you thought of this chapter ;) xx


End file.
